Carly 65B
by schillingklaus
Summary: Melodramatic Novel. AU. Ten-years old Carly is forced to go to a boarding school, along with Sam, Freddie, and Melanie. Carly/Dustin, Freddie/Sam, Melanie/Vince, Spencer/Stacy, ...


** Carly 65 B**

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** Klaus Schilling **

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PG-13

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iDon't Own _Zoey 101_ or _iCarly Show_.

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I don't own any of the quoted songs.

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**Abstract**

___iCarly_,_Zoey 101_

Melodramatic Novel,Fluff,Family,Friendship,Hurt/Comfort,Science Fiction, Mystery

Ten-year old Carly Shay is sent to a boarding school in California. Sam, Melanie, and Freddie join in.

deals with all main characters and a huge variety of minor charactters of both shows

The Story follows roughly the outline of _Zoey 101_, but diverges severely in details. Knowledge of Zoey 101 is not required, as everything is described from Carly's perspective.

Carly's room number is 65 B. Her later husband's (Dustin) room number is 66 A. 65 is the decimal ascii code for A, whereas 66 is the decimal ascii code for B.

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**Table of Contents**

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Preface

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1. Welcome At PCA

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1.

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1.

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1.

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1.

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1.

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2. Money

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2.

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2.

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2.

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2.

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3. Hot Spy

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3.

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3.

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3.

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3.

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4. Pets and Bullies

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4.

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4.

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4.

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4.

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4.

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5. Mr. Bradford

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5.

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5.

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5.

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6. Publicity

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6.

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6.

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6.

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6.

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6.

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7. Kissing A Jerk

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7.

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7.

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7.

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7.

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7.

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8. Dustin's Phobia

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8.

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8.

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9. Drake At PCA

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9.

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9.

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9.

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9.

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9.

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9.

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10. Counterfeiter

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10.

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10.

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10.

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10.

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10.

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10.

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10.

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10.

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11. Speechless Sam

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11.

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11.

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11.

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11.

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12. Dancing Floor

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12.

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12.

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12.

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12.

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12.

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12.

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12.

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13. Down By The Beach

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13.

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13.

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13.

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13.

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13. End Of First Season

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14. Welcome, Shelby!

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14.

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14.

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14.

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15. In Twenty Years

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15.

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15.

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15.

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15.

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15.

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16. Class President

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16.

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16.

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16.

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16.

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16.

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16.

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16.

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17. Halloween Party

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17.

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17.

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17.

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17.

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17.

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18. Melanie Dates Dustin

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18.

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18.

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18.

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18.

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18.

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18.

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18.

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18.

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19. Web Show

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19.

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19.

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19.

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19.

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19.

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19.

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19.

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20. Rooftop

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20.

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20.

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20.

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20.

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20.

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21. Tech Freaks

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21.

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21.

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21.

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21.

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22. I Heart Dustin

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22.

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22.

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22.

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22.

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22.

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22.

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23. The Statue

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23.

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23.

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23.

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23.

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23.

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24. Spring Fess-Up

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24.

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24.

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24.

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24.

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25. Sushi Rox

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25.

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25.

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25.

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25.

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25.

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25.

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25.

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25.

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26. It's An Alpaca

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26.

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26.

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26.

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26.

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26.

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26.

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26.

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26.

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26.

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26. End Of Second Season

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27. Cool News?

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27.

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27.

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27.

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27.

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27.

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27.

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28. Cotton Swabs

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28.

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28.

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28.

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28.

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28.

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28.

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29. Coco Loves Lewbert

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29.

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29.

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29.

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29.

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29.

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30. The Rat

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30.

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30.

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30.

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31. Football

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31.

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31.

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31.

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31.

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31.

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31.

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31.

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32. Pageant Girl

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32.

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32.

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32.

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32.

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32.

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32.

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33. America Sings

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33.

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33.

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33.

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33.

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33.

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34. Chuck Javers

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34.

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34.

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34.

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34.

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34.

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35. Rebecca's Revenge

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35.

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35.

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35.

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36. Sad Songs

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36.

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36.

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36.

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36.

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36.

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36.

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36.

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36.

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36.

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37. Screaming

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37.

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37.

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37.

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37.

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37.

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37.

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38. The G.O.

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38.

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38.

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38.

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38.

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38.

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38.

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38.

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38.

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39. Melinda Strikes Back

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39.

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39.

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39.

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39.

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39.

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39.

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39.

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39. End Of First Part of Third Season

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40. Customer Of The Week

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40.

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40.

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40.

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40.

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40.

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40.

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41. Talent Show

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41.

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41.

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41.

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41.

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41.

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41.

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42. Barbecue

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42.

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42.

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42.

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42.

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42.

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42.

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42.

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43. Redstone Gulch

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43.

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43.

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43.

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43.

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44. Nevel Saves The PCA

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44.

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44.

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44.

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45. J-Phone

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45.

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45.

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45.

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45.

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45.

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45.

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45.

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45.

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46. Lance Rivers

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46.

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46.

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46.

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46.

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46.

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46.

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47. Horrible Stench

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47.

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47.

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47.

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47.

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48. Most Beautiful Girl

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48.

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48.

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48.

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48.

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49. Henry Doheny

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49.

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49.

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49.

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49.

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49.

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50. Stay!

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50.

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50.

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50.

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51. Sassafras Tea

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51.

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51.

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51.

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51.

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51.

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51.

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51.

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51. End Of Season Three

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52. Hellcopter

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52.

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52.

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52.

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52.

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53. Iron Like A Lion

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53.

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53.

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53.

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53.

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53.

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53.

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54. Colorado

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54.

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54.

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54.

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54.

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54.

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54.

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55. Blond But Dangerous

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55.

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55.

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55.

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55.

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55.

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56. Hobknockers

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56.

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56.

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56.

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56.

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56.

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56.

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57. Horse Whisperer

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57.

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57.

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57.

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57.

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57.

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57.

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58. Uncle Carmine

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58.

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58.

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58.

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58.

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58.

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58.

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58.

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59. Mini Stove

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59.

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59.

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59.

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59.

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59.

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59.

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60. Vaccaro's

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60.

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60.

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60.

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60.

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61. Milk And Sugar

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61.

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61.

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61.

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61.

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61.

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61.

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61.

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62. Fun With Gravitation

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62.

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62.

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62.

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62.

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62.

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62.

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63. Prom Stress

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63.

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63.

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63.

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64. Mystery Ride

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64.

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64.

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64.

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64. The End

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** Preface**

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**Note**

Written for _LiveJournal_-community _Crossovers100_, claim : _Pacific Coast Academy_, prompt _Children_

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**Note**

Written for _LiveJournal_-community _Crossovers50_, claim : _Pacific Coast Academy_, prompt _Children_

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** Chapter 1. Welcome At PCA**

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Hello, my name is Carly Shay. I used to live in Seattle with my adult brother Spencer, as my dad was often abroad, being a high officer in the US Air Force.

Spencer had flunked college, and thus was not eligible for law school, as his grandpa. He became a freelance artist.

Because Spencer had turned less and less reliable, he used to set things randomly on fire, my dad and my grandpa decided to send me to some boarding school in California, the very same school from which grandpa had graduated like fifty years ago.

The name of the school, hitherto being open only for boys, was: The Pacific Coast Academy.

Fortunately, I was not going to be alone.

My best friend, Samantha Pucket, followed me, and so did her twin sister Melanie. The Puckett twins were from a very bad family, and the boarding school was their only chance to escape from juvenile prison, or even worse.

I was also going to see my friend, Missy Robinson, again.

Missy had been my best friend before Sam, until she moved away with her dad, another commander of the Air Force.

Finally, my neighbour's boy, Fredward Benson, was joining us. He had developed some obnoxious crush on me. Although he was generally nice, I hated this trait of his demeanour.

Spencer's best friend, Daniel Sokolovsky, or, in short, Socko, also sent his little sister Quinndelyn Pensky - who lived hitherto with their divorced and remarried mother, hence the different surname - to the same school. Spencer used to call her Penny, which was very funny. I preferred to call her Quinn. She was a bit crazy, and read many advanced books, and invented strange things, but, nevertheless, we got along with her. Quinn was already thirteen years old, hence she was going to live in a different hall.

The campus of the Pacific Coast Academy was wonderful. It was located right next to the beach, not a very sandy one, but it was usable. There were also many pools, and some shops on the campus. I was eager on finding out about lip gloss. Was there any lip gloss for sale, given that this was the first year where girls were around?

But, first of all, we had to find our dormitory rooms. We stumbled upon some man who helped his son, a boy in our age, to his dorm. His name was Mr. Brooks, and his son, Dustin, looked very sweet. Alas, I was rather on the watchout for elder, bigger, hot boys. Whatever, Freddie turned out to be in the same hall as Dustin, hence he followed him, while Spencer took us girls to our dorms.

Finally, we reached our dorms, 65 B. Wow!

The rooms were spacy and bright.

I shared my dorm with Melanie and Samantha, as I had wanted to. The walls were painted in pink. One of my favourite colours! There were three beds: A single one, and two bunks.

Samantha and Melanie fought over the single bed.

I was content with just any bed they were eventually going to leave for me, and this turned out to be the bottom bunk.

With Spencer's help, we had got our luggage done.

After one last huggle, Spencer had to leave me behind.

I sobbed for a moment, but I had to move on. The campus was still there for us to be explored, and many tall and hot guys were out there, waiting for being ... er ... discovered.

Quinn met us again. She turned out to live in the same dormitory, and just across the hall, from Dustin's elder sister, Zoey Brooks. Quinn wasn't one to make friends easily, though. Alas, she had got some news. "Zoey is collecting a few girls for a basketball team. The boys don't want to allow us girls in their team, so we've got to show them who's the best. It's just ... we suck so much, all but Zoey!"

I sighed. "If you eight graders think you suck, how about us little girls?"

Melanie and Sam looked with a grumpy posture.

I definitely wanted to see the hot guys playing basketball. So I could, by no means, miss out on the basketball match!

We also complained about the lack of accessories for girls.

Lip gloss was available, but only one sort, and it was unusually expensive, so it sucked. "Those toilets contain urinals. Only boys need those!"

And there was the day of the epic match between the first girls' team and the boys' team.

I was a bit early: Samantha and Melanie wanted to join me later on, and so did Missy. I decided to stroll around the battle field, or whatever it was called. I saw a few boys training free throws. One of them was particularly hot. His name was, as I was going to learn later on, Logan Reese. He was not only really hot, but also really wealthy. His dad was world-nenowned Hollywood star Malcolm Reese!

A boy stood under the bleachers, talking to a blonde of thirteen years.

I recognised the boy as Dustin, hence the blonde should have been his sister Zoey. My assumption was confirmed later on.

Apparently, Dustin wanted to cheer for the girls, but boys could be mean and see him as a traitor.

I intervened and shook hands with Zoey. "Hi, I'm Carly."

Zoey nodded. "Cool, I've heard about you. We've really got to do something about the lack of cosmetics for us. And those toilets ... my roomie Nicole thought that boys sit on them in order to ... you know what."

I chuckled. "Oh yeah, those urinals are great!"

Zoey waved, as the match was about starting.

I sat down next to Dustin, who was obviously afraid of cheering for Zoey. "Hey, I'd cheer for Spencer, too."

Dustin grinned. "OK!"

The match started. As expecxted, the girls were severely at a loss. Only Zoey was able to keep pace with the boys. Quinn and Nicole were nothing but a joke.

Logan was slightly rough and unfair. Why did the hottest guy have to be such a jerk?

Then, Zoey got injured.

I supposed that everything was lost, as the other girls were all suckish.

Alas, another girl appeared, a tough Latina who turned out to be Zoey's other room-mate, Dana Cruz. She was really strong.

To my surprise, Sam and Melanie showed up, too, rigged and ready to face the older boys.

Logan laughed about the younger girls.

Finally, Missy bounded in, and she cheered for the girls.

Dana, Samantha, and Melanie played the boys totally into the ground. After having been down for 20 points, the girls, supported by many cheering boys, especially Dustin, tilted the tide, and swept the boys away: 51-29

I grabbed Missy and Dustin, sweeping them across the bleachers.

Logan was obviously most disappointed, but he was still very hot. Hell, the more he turned angry, the hotter he was!

The other boys were rather cool with that. I was going to get to know them later on, one of them was Chase Matthews, a bush head. Another cool guy was Michael Barret, apparently one of Chase's closest friends.

Whatever, I took Samantha and Melanie, and we celebrated this day with a smoothie. It was a great start into our new life on the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy.

* * *

** Chapter 2. Money**

* * *

Living at such a wonderful school was not unexpensive, if you wanted to stay beautiful and impressive.

I wished that there had been an easy way for me to earn a few bucks. But the shops and pubs on the campus had strict regulations.

We kids under twelve were not eligible for many standard teenager jobs, such as waiter or delivery boys.

Even worse, I had lent the rest of my bucks unto Sam just upon arrival. And when there was something you could rely on, when it came down to Sam, than it was the fact that she was completely unreliable, especially that she was not likely to repay her debts.

I knew that other kids had similar problems. After looking in vain for better and affordable lip gloss, I met Dustin in the very same campus shop.

"It was an emergency case," explained Dustin, "I had to spend all my bucks on gummi worms."

It would have been funny, but I couldn't laugh about it.

We kids loved to get our dose of candy. "Dern, that's really bad. If I could lend you any bucks, I would, but I can't." I sighed deeply.

"Maybe I should tutor people in Spanish," wondered Dustin.

"You know Spanish?" I beamed. "Me llamo Carly[[1]]"

"Er," stammered Dustin, "I've just watched a Mexican movie. Porque, Carly, porque? El elefante es grande.[[2]]"

I chuckled. "Have you got it on DVD? May I borrow it?"

Dustin nodded solemnly. "But now I've got to attach a poster to the students' bulletin board, offering my services as a tutor for Spanish."

"OK!" I was sure that neither Dustin nor I were going to be great tutors for middle school pupils.

Freddie knew a lot about technology, cams, and micros. He thought about assisting the PCA TV as a technical equipment manager. Unfortunately, this would have been a volunteer's task, hence not paid. But he would have stayed on the bleeding edge of modern media technology.

Yet, we had got a lot of fun when watching the DVD, along with Samantha and Melanie.

I noticed that Freddie appeared to speak randomly some Spanish stuff. Alas, he had never learnt any Spanish.

Dustin came back from his first session. "I guess watching a Mexican movie was not enough," he remarked. "Dork del Figgalo wanted his money back."

I shrugged. "Bad Mark!" I chuckled because Mark del Figgalo had become one of Samantha's favourite targets for cruel jokes, such as wedgies. It was somewhat understandable. Fortunately, Samantha never tortured anyone beyond what he could handle.

"But, I've got another idea!" Dustin beamed.

I scratched my jead. "What idea?"

"There are many rich pupils here," remarked Dustin, "who need someone to do things for them that they are too lazy to do!"

"Hey! That's a smart observation!" I grinned. "For example?"

Dustin smiled. "Logan Reese!"

I started swooning.

Dustin didn't notice my crush on the hottie. "He sure needs an errant boy of some sorts. Do you think I should ask him? I'm excited."

I didn't have to reflect for too much time. "I'll come with you."

"Why," wondered Dustin.

"Because ... two little kids are less afraid of a teenage boy than just one." I whistled innocently. Really, I hoped that Logan might also need another employee. Someone to rub his back with sun blocker, for example. I didn't want to take Freddie with me, as he would have staged some hell of a jealousy drama. Likewise, Samantha, Melanie, or Missy might have stolen Logan from me, without a trace of a remorse. Even best friends behaved like hyenas when it came to hot boys.

Dustin nodded. "Sure, thanks, this will help me a lot."

I waved at Dustin after agreeing on an hour for going to Logan, and asking him for a job.

We dared to march through the dormirtory of the eight graders.

Logan was sitting in his dorm which he shared with Michael and Chase. "What do you want?"

"Logan," Dustin asked carefully, "do you happen to need an errant boy?"

I swooned when I saw Logan on his bed. He looked even hotter than after the basketball match.

Logan grumbled. "OK, my last errant boy was really lousy. I guess that I do."

Dustin smiled. "I would be a great one!"

Logan grumbled. "Yeah, sure, ten bucks if you go to the post office, and bring me a parcel from my aunt."

Dustin nodded. "OK!"

Logan gave Dustin a bill for the post office. "Don't lose it! It's from my favourite aunt!" His voice was brush.

Dustin moaned. But he needed the money, hence he had to bear that.

I pitied Dustin, but now I needed to advance my own issues. "Do you need someone to make your hair, or palm your back with sun blocker?" I blushed and swooned.

Logan grumbled and scratched his head. "Actually, yes! The sun blocker is in my closet, the one in the middle." He grinned. "Be careful! It's expensive!"

"OK!" His voice was brash, but I needed the money. I opened the closet, and a bunch of luxury cosmetics fell on my feet.

Logan ordered me to put it all back into the closet, after I was done.

I sighed. Then I removed Logan's top in order to palm his back with some lotion. "Egad! A pimple!"

"The anti pimple lotion is in the closet, too, or, rather, it is now on the floor," he remarked rudely.

Too bad, his rude voice was incredibly sexy. I took the lotion. "Shall I squeeze it?"

Logan nodded. "But be careful!"

Finally, Dustin came back from the post office.

I was done with various lotions.

Logan handed Dustin the promised bucks.

Dustin smiled, although he did apparently not feel treated well.

Logan beamed. "Now it's off to the pools, so the **real** girls may admire me!"

I was disappointed, but I couldn't help offering my services again. At least, the bucks were OK!

* * *

** Chapter 3. Hot Spy**

* * *

Freddie and I, we strolled the campus, walking close past the lounge of the middle school girls.

Zoey Brooks, and her cheerful sidekick Nicole Bristow, stood nearby, discussing fiercely.

Apparently, there was something fishy.

"Hi Zoey, Nicole," I greeted the girls.

Zoey didn't notice us on site, just a few seconds later. She was obviously taken by the dicussion. "Carly? Hi! And you're Fredward?"

We nodded solemnly.

Zoey was sorry for having ignored me. "The situation is: The boys here seem to know all the secrets that we eightgrader girls have recently trusted unto each other."

Nicole smiled. "Yeah, they know that I make a top ten of the boys with the cutest lips!"

I was excited. "Cool! Does Logan Reese happen to be on that list?" I blushed slightly, and I swooned with glee.

Nicole was fortunately too much of a bimbo girl to notice that. "Logan is cute. Isn't he cute," asked Nicole. "His lips are like ..."

I turned slightly jealous.

Zoey was obviously annoyed. "It can't continue like this. Nothing is safe! They even know that I've once belched in the church, and that Quinn has got six toes on one of her feet."

I choked.

Quinn left the lounge, and she was bound our way.

I refrained from making remarks about her feet.

While we girls kept on discussing, Freddie stayed remarkably silent. Granted, boys are not as talkative as girls, but he was pondering something.

"Freddie?" I pinched his ribs.

Freddie woke up. "OK, thing is, Logan Reese has recently offered me twenty bucks for some job."

Zoey shrugged. "He's rich enough to ..."

"Cute and rich," squealed Nicole, beaming brightly. "Isn't he ..."

My jealousy increased, but that was not the time for this kind of feelings.

Freddie coughed. "If you don't want to listen, I'm leaving. I've got my dignity, too."

Zoey sighed. "OK, Fredward, what did Logan want for his bucks?"

Freddie sighed. "Well, he wanted me to implant some spying tools into a plush pet. He had seen that on espionage channel."

Zoey, Nicole, and Quinn were flabbergasted.

Quinn sighed. "Didn't all the mess start when Logan made us that gift, a giant plush bear?"

Zoey nodded. "Yeah! The bear is still in our lounge."

"Quinn," remarked Freddie, "I think we should check something, and you know what!"

Quinn nodded solemnly. "I'm going to fetch my radio detector."

"What a jerk," replied Zoey.

Nicole had to correct her: "But a cute jerk!"

Freddie and Quinn walked away, checking the situation.

Zoey offered to talk to Chase, Logan's room-mate she had become friends with. "But if he's collaborating with Logan, it means serious trouble for him!"

Freddie and Quinn returned from their mission.

Freddie expleined that there was indeed a micro chip hidden in the plush beast, sending ASDL signals via fire wire to some receiver which they had located in Logan's, Michael's, and Chase's dorm.

I sighed. Logan was incredibly hot, but if he was behind all the fuss, he needed to get taught some lesson. Just how?

Freddie suggested to push him down some elevator hole.

Quinn was working on a laser pistol.

Missy, who had joined us in the mean time, wanted to sneak a cherry bomb into his lunch.

I shook my head. "You can't really want to hurt the greatest hottie ever, right?"

Freddie turned visibly jealous.

Quinn successfully calmed him down.

Zoey's examinations had confirmed that it was Logan who was at the bottom of all, as Michael was just a train jumper, Chase had been utterly clueless. "But Logan is dumb and dumber. If Freddie didn't help him, who did?" She glared at Quinn.

Nicole squealed. "Yeah, Quinn may have helped him! She's smart. Isn't she smart? Tell us how smart she is!"

I exploded, as Nicole was way too annoying.

Quinn disputed everything, and she convinced Zoey, because the whole thing had resulted in embarassing rumours about Quinn circumambulating the campus.

Dana had joined us. She wanted Logan to pay for everything. She offered to beat him up.

Needless to say, I was totally opposed to a violent solution. _Hurting Mr. Adonis? No way!_

Zoey sighed. "He will never admit to his bad deeds!"

I sighed. "Hmmmm ... maybe he will. Missy's dad oncce told me how he did in the Middle East ..."

Zoey listened with increased interest.

A few minutes later, everyone understood my plan.

The next evening, I went to Logan in order to restyle his hair.

Dustin had just left his dorm. "I'm going to fetch him some hot, spicy tuna from the sushi bar."

I nodded solemnly. "OK, Logan, let's start with your hair. Where are your gelantineous lotions?"

Logan grunted because everything was already on his side table. Then he relaxed.

All of a sudden, Freddie's and Dustin's screams were heard from outside.

"What's that," wondered Logan.

Logan was grumpy. "The screams!"

We also heard a few cracking sounds.

"Oh, these?" I snickered. "Nothing particular. Just some girls appear to be upset, because the guys must have hidden some spying equipment in their lounge." I shrugged. "Well, and now they are questioning the boys about that. Especially the Puckett twins do ..."

More screams and cracking sounds were heard.

"Do you know how the Puckett twins are called at our old school?" I chuckled.

Logan trembled with increasing fear. "How would I know that?"

I answered: "Well, they are known as the bone-grinder twins." Actually, Samantha and Melanie were cracking some oaken boards. At the same time, Freddie and Dustin screamed at the top of their lungs, for no reason, while Zoey and Nicole were squirting and sprinkling them with tomato ketchup.

Logan moaned and coughed in anticipation of excessive pain. "They can't do that!"

"Well, " I continued, "That's what my friend Gibby thought until last year, until they broke all of his ribs. Now he can't even wear shirts, it hurts him too much."

The door went open.

Samamtha had headlocked Michael and Chase.

Melanie was ready to jump at Logan.

Dustin and Freddie were unable to walk, they crept over the floor.

Zoey yelled at Sam at the top of her lungs. "What have you done to my brother?"

Freddie and Dustin whimpered.

Zoey took care of Dustin's "wounds", as I did with Freddie.

Sam grunted: "The same that I'm going to do unto Logan, unless ..."

"Stop it," begged Logan. "I admit to everything. I've paid Wayne Gilbert 30 bucks to equip the plush bear with spying implants."

Dean Rivers stumbled in, being dragged along by Quinn and Dana.

Dustin and Freddie grinned. "What a spicy red sauce!"

Finally, Logan realised that it had all been a fake, but it was too late.

Logan Reese and Wayne Gilbert, aka Firewire, served the next two weeks as assistants of janitor Herb, cleaning jammed toilets and stuff.

I high-fived with Zoey and the other girls. I shook hands with Dustin, and then I kissed Freddie on the nose, as I had promised. "But don't push it any further, Freddie!"

Freddie moaned with disappointment.

* * *

** Chapter 4. Pets and Bullies**

* * *

"Meeeeeow!"

I woke up on a cool fall morning, well, cool it was compared to what I've seen here in California. Seattle, of course, was another thing. Whatever, I felt a bunch of hair in my face. I was a bit scared.

All of a sudden, the fur ball turned out as a little kitten, and not some arbitrary kitten, it was ... Frothy!

Sam had found Frothy a few months ago, left alone in the back streets of Seattle. She had decided to raise it, as she hoped that Freddie was allergic to kitten fur, or so she had told me in a sarcastic manner.

Indeed. Freddie's mom would never have allowed him to keep a kitten, as they have sharp claws and teeth, and he might be be allergic to them.

Alas, pets were not allowed at the Pacific Coast Academy.

This means that Sam must have had the guts to break this rule from the very start!

I woke up Sam, and I told her to take care of Frothy. I was still sleepy.

Sam was now afraid that Freddie was going to denounce Frothy to Dean Rivers.

I didn't have all that much time, for it was the first day of the program for future teachers.

Well, just a few years ago, Dean Rivers had started that initiative to promote suitable future teachers already at elementary school.

Colleges of Liberal Arts appreciated this program more than all those written tests.

For that reason, we were eligible to get to know various teachers in various classes. We needed to get an impression of several teaching styles, and we had to write an essay about it. Thereupon, we were going to be assigned to teach lower classes, under the auspices of real teachers, of course, but, anyways, it was going to be a great challenge I did not want to miss out on.

I was up to going to history classes by Mr. Freedman, he instructed eight grade kids.

Freddie had told me that also Dustin participated in this program, he was starting with Mr. Kirby's classes in Geometry.

I hoped that the bigger boys in Mr. Kirby's classes let him in peace. Pubescent boys could be so mean to little boys.

Freddie, on the other hand, feared that the big boys were going to hit on me.

For that avail, I did choose to wear my lest impressive outfit.

I arrived in Mr. Freedman's classes, and I watched the other pupils arriving in groups.

Mr. Freedman was stern, but not really unfair.

The boys were not a pleasant experience.

I knew that Sam was not the brightest lamp in the socket, but this Keith Finch guy really wallopped me with his stupidity.

Mr. Freedman talked about the crusades.

I liked Richard the Lionheart.

Too bad what I've learnt about the English middle ages from movies like Robin Hood and Ivanhoe was not exactly what Mr. Freedman told us.

Whatever, I understood more of what the teacher told us than those kids who had been in his class since the beginning of the year, and those naughty kids glared oddly at me.

Two days later, I strolled the campus with Freddie.

We met Zoey Brooks.

Zoey was upset. "Oh, hi Carly, you're in the program for future student teachers, right?"

I nodded solemnly.

"Did you get bullied by some big boys," wondered Zoey.

I shook my head, but I had to admit that I deemed them suspicious.

Zoey told me that Dustin had been bullied by Keith Finch into doing his homework. She wanted to do something about it, but it upset Dustin, who was already annoyed because she had not allowed him to eat sugar balls.

I choked. OK, I understood that Dustin was annoyed by Zoey's intervention. It wouldn't be any different if Spencer told me stuff like that. But Zoey was a really loving and caring elder sister, just more responsible than Spencer. "Zoey, I think we elementary school kids can help ourselves if we help together. Then the bullies won't bother with us."

Freddie was awfully reminded to his mom's protective demeanour, and how often I was needed in order to calm Mrs. Benson down.

"Are you sure that you can handle that," wondered Zoey.

"At least we can try, this will already scare the bullies," I supposed.

But we had to promise to tell Zoey immediately if Dustin was bullied again.

Nicole and Dana arrived. "We still haven't found Elvis!"

"Elvis? He's dead, for a few decades already." I chuckled about the Graceland fables.

Zoey sighed. "Not that Elvis! We've found a puppy, and baptised him Elvis. We hid him from our dorm ad Coco in a secret place, because pets are not permitted on the campus. But now he's gone." She sobbed piteously.

Freddie and I, we promised to watch out for their little dog.

Zoey waved, and she walked away, following Nicole and Dana.

The next day, I followed Freddie, Dustin, and their friends from afar, backed up by Samantha and Melanie.

Missy had offered to blow up Keith's dorm, but I was opposed to that sort of violence.

We saw Keith bothering Dustin again.

I raised a hand, and this was the signal for Samantha and Melanie to intervene.

The Puckett twins approached Keith and his henchmen.

Keith laughed stupidly. "Aw, the dwarf has brought some reinforcements," remarked Keith in a sarcastic way.

Keith's pal laughed fanatically because Sam and Mel were girls.

Melanie grabbed Keith.

Sam threatened to strike at his pals.

Keith was still not intimidated.

Melanie pushed Keith energically against the wall. "What?"

Keith laughed arrogantly.

"Get your fingers off Dustin!" Melanie slapped Keith.

The bullies understood why the Puckett twins were called the "Bone Grinders". They trembled with agony, and they promised to never ever bother younger kids again.

Dustin hugged Melanie.

Yet, I didn't mind, but the day was going to come when I would think about Melanie and Dustin quite differently.

Another night went by, and in the early morning, I heard animal voices from above. I donned my pants and coat, and I went looking. I almost startled when I saw what was going on.

A little dog, later identified as Elvis by Zoey, was licking Frothy's fur and its still furless belly. "Aw, how cute!"

Melanie and Samantha chimed in when they stumbled into us.

Like dog and cat? Hell, no!

* * *

** Chapter 5. Mr. Bradford**

* * *

Freddie called me in the middle of the night on my cellular phone.

Officially, the phones were not allowed at night times, but I put it on vibes, and I wasn't yet really asleep.

That's why I've noticed the call.

I hoped that he did not beg me to come over to him because he was so lonesome tonight, as he told me every day.

"Carly Shay," whispered I, not waking up Sam or Mel.

Freddie didn't talk about his horny fantasies, but he had to issue a red alert.

Dustin had told him about the prank week, where pupils pulled pranks on new pupils. He thought of that tradition as perverted, hence he had warned us.

As this was the first coeducative year at this honourable school, we girls were all new, and hence predestined for being victims of numerous pranks.

I thanked Freddie sincerely for the warning, and I promised him to be careful. Alas, I refused to promise him to let Sam and Melanie stumble blindly into the traps that some of the boys must have built for us girls. The Puckett twins were often rude, but they were sensitive beings, nevertheless.

Down to the warnings, I had escaped a few onslaughts. I did not get hit by some paint-filled balloon, but I still got some splatter of paint.

This was't that bad.

Sam and Mel?

Well, I had warned them as soon as we got up, but they ignored my warnings, and they had preferred to keep on bickering.

Little wonder, they were struck athwart by some paint ball.

This made them really upset.

I met Zoey, Dana, and Nicole.

Apparently, their whole dormitory hall had been "decorated" with toilet paper.

First, Zoey had tried to calm the other girls down, but after yet another onslaught, the middle school girls had agreed on getting back at the boys by "decorating" their statue of Mr. Bradford, the very founder of the PCA, which was in front of the entrance of their hall.

I was consternated. Mr. Bradford II, the current official owner of the Pacific Coast Academy, had been a friend of my grandpa, from high school through Law School. And he was coming to town that very week. I had to call my gramps, and to tell him about the stupid fraud.

Grandpa told me that Mr. Bradford was really conservative, and that he had blocked all the attempts to allow girls to the schools for several decades.

If he figured what was going on, he would go as far as banishing us girls from the school, again.

If I got expelled, I'd have had to move in with Grandpa who lived in Yakima, the backwaters of Washington. Nothing against gramps, but Yakima? Come on, Yuck-ima, that said it all, didn't it?

Grandpa offered to fly down to LA and meet his old pal, in order to de-escalate the situation.

But I had to promise to restore the statue.

Freddie had stepped into several little traps, worse than anything Sam had ever done to him. Hence he decided to get back at the older boys. He ganged up with Quinn, who, instead of participating in Zoey's insane project, rolled on her own, and invented a bomb that made people drop unconscious for some time.

I insisted in Logan not getting hurt, though.

Grandpa arrived, and he met Mr. Bradford in the office of Dean Rivers. He dragged him into a long chat about the good old times, and how much the youth of today was different from their virtuous comrades. They blamed everything on the generation past the war of Vietnam.

This gave me enough time to convince the girls and boys into removing the "deco" from Mr. Bradfor's statue.

Finally, we succeeded.

They had attached Coco's bra to the statue, something that made me shudder with disgust.

Coco was disgusting enough with her bra on.

Alas, when Mr. Bradford arrived, there were still some splatters of paint left on the statue of his father.

Grandpa tried to calm annoyed Mr. Bradford. "Today's youth needs more respect for the pioneers of our civilisation. But if statues like that of your father dwell in the shadow of some nondescript dormitory hall, the pupils won't understand it. In addition, the statue is not impressive at all. Some great artist could make a really adorable sculpture of your dad, and place it right in the centre of the campus. That would increase his reputation."

Of course, I only knew one artist who was up to such a task. "Spencer could do that!"

Mr. Bradford was perplexed.

Grandpa introduced me to the boss, and he also talked about Spencer.

Upon some pondering, Mr. Bradford agreed, and he gave the order that there was to be established a real sculpture of the venerable founder of this elitary academy.

I smiled, as I was looking forward to meeting Spencer when he made the statue, while Chase, Michael, and Logan were knocked out by Quinn's and Freddie's invention.

* * *

** Chapter 6. Publicity**

* * *

Among all the teachers at the Pacific Coast Academy, the one I admired most was Mr. Bender.

If I was going to become a teacher, I wanted to be like him.

His classes about public relationship management were the most popular among the pupils.

He achieved this by interesting projects.

This time, his eighth-graders had to submit a publicity clip for a real product, a scooter that was not yet available on the market.

The name was : Jet-X!

It was developed by the corp of Bender's friend Jake Savage.

We tweenies were not yet allowed to ride scooters.

But I wanted to try to make some ad clip, too. I've heard that some pupils got paid well for clips.

Alas, Mr. Savage's corp marketed a wide variety of objects.

Freddie zaplooked that company up.

Sam beamed. "Cheese!"

I shrugged. "Can't you think about anything but food?"

Sam moaned.

We couldn't agree on anything, it seemed.

The next day, we met Zoey and Nicole, working on their clip.

Quinn was their tech producer.

Dana had already left the team, after a fight with Nicole.

"But my dad makes really good juices," affirmed Nicole. "I like apple-mango juice!"

Sam's mouth turned watery.

I did not know why Dana and Nicole had to fight over juice, but ...Hey! That was an idea! I thought strongly about making an ad clip for Bristow Juices Inc!

Sam must have had the same idea. "Let's make publicity for juice!" She beamed brightly.

Freddie was very thirsty. The Californian sun was still very strong in October, as opposed to Seattle's. "Yeah, that's it!" He huggled Nicole. "Tell your dad we're making the best ad for his juice since the invention of sliced bread!"

Nicole beamed. "I knew it! I so knew it! What are we talking about?"

Mr. Bristow agreed, and we were ordered to make an ad clip for his juice-vending corporation.

Freddie was our tech producer.

I had got the impression that he was born with a camera in his hand.

Nobody was more convincing making publicity for soft drinks than Samantha.

My task was the moderation of the clip. It was so much fun talking to people you didn't see, but you knew that there were going to be out there, in order to watch us. And I knew that Spencer would die for seeing the clip, as he was a fan of tropic juices and fruits.

Mr. Bristow had even sent us a few fruits we've never heard about.

My favourite was the guava fruit.

Freddie counted the seconds. "5...4...3...2"

"Hi, I'm Carly. I'm a girl at this wonderful school. And we often fall thirsty, as classes are so dry."

Sam coughed noisily, demonstrating how bone dry her throat had become after classes.

That's why we need to drink a lot. But not everything is good for us to drink.

Sam, Melanie, Missy, and Dustin shook their heads.

I handed them some dyed water. "This is some average soft drink."

My four pals drank from it, and expelled it through their nose, producing a fountain that almost hit Freddie's cam.

"But, fortunately, there are those juices by Bristow Inc,". I took four cups, and filled them with various juices. "Guava, apple, mango, blueberry. These are only four of over 30 different kinds of fruits offered by Bristow's."

Each of my pals took a cup, and they emptied it in one swipe, purring with glee.

I took seven more cups, and filled them with juice.

There were letters on the cups, reading, when combined appropriately, as "BRISTOW".

"Long live Bristow's juices!" I smiled gleefully.

The ad clip was a plain success.

Unfortunately, we did not have our own broadcasting corp.

The PCA TV broadcasted our clip, but we would have loved to be seen outside.

But not, until many months later, did it occur unto us that a web show would have been our solution.

Alas, we rejoiced in our little success that got us some bucks, as Mr. Bristow was very content.

Nicole snuggled up to Freddie, and she wanted him to marry her, as he was so cute.

Alas, Freddie turned her down, as he could not bear her bimboish demeaour, although she was nice and cute.

I could understand Freddie, but I was slightly disappointed, as this would have stopped Freddie from lusting for me, and it would have stopped Nicole from potentially stealing Logan from me.

But the day was too great for worrying about those things.

* * *

** Chapter 7. Kissing A Jerk**

* * *

Our school had got a very renowned drama club.

Many Hollywood actors, playwrights, and so on, had started their career upon a recommendation by the club's adviser.

Encouraged by my successful skit for the ad clip, I had written a little play in the style of Shakespeare's unforgettable _Romeo and Juliet_, my all time favourite tragedy. I wanted to show it to Mr. Fletcher, currently adviser of the drama workshop. Alas, I only met Chase Matthews, the guy who had submitted quite a few plays already. "Hi Chase."

Chase greeted me back.

I showed him my play, as his criticism was certainly of quite some value for me.

Chase nodded. "OK, Carly, this sounds nice. I'd even say that ... we should play this instead of my comedy about the alien girl stranded on earth, and falling in love with the life guard that saves her. Shakespeare would be proud of you."

I beamed proudly. "Really?"

Chase nodded. He remarked a few changes he would make. "Have you written the play for a certain boy?"

I blushed, which said it all.

"That's evil!" Chase grunted. "So evil!" Alas, he couldn't deny that his "Alien Love" was equally written for a certain girl. "Zoey!"

"Dustin's sister," I wondered.

Chase nodded. "I've fallen for her when she entered the campus for the first time, I even rode my bike against a flag staff, but I can't help it, even less do I dare to fess up."

Poor Chase! Alas, only one actor could be Bruno, and only one actress could be Maple, the heroes of my tragedy.

Mr. Fletcher agreed on performing my play, with Chase's modifications.

Now we were ready for auditioning.

Some of the actors and actresses were terrible, especially Mark Del Figgalo who was wigged as a girl.

Zoey was simply the best, and I had to admit that, as sad as it was.

Chase rejoiced in the thought that he was going to kiss Zoey at the end ofthe play, for at least three seconds, as was dictated by my script. He had become sort of a big-brother-surrogate for me, given that he reminded me a lot of Spencer, hence I could not envy him for real.

The next day, a few other boys tried out, including ...

"Logan!" I blushed when I saw him, and called his name.

Chase noticed that he was the one guy I had written the play for.

"But Logan is a jerk," remarked Chase.

I still swooned. "But you are friends?"

Chase nodded. "That's why I know that he's such a jerk! Whatever, if you like him, ... be careful!"

I swooned and sighed.

Logan audited very well.

Zoey was enthusiastic about Logan's performance.

I turned jealous.

Mr. Fletcher could not help but assigning the rôle of the male star to Logan.

Chase was bitterly disappointed. He knew that Logan Reese had got the hots for Zoey, and he was going to abuse the play shamelessly.

I ruffled Chase's hair. "Sorry!"

He sobbed.

"Do you already know that poor Dustin is sick," said I, "just a harmeless flu, but still."

Chase had got an idea. He stood up, and he walked over to Zoey. "Hey, Dustin needs you, he has caught some flu virus!"

Zoey was flabbergasted. "What? Why didn't anyone tell me?"

I explained that Dustin had been looking for Zoey, but only found Dana and Quinn. "Quinn has tried to treat him with stuff, but this didn't work out well."

Zoey grunted. "Quinn, grrrr! I have to see him!"

I scratched my head. "But what if Dustin gets Zoey sick? She won't be able to talk well with a sore throat."

Chase grinned.

I wondered. Chase wasn't a mean guy! But then I understood his idea. If Zoey fell sick, I'd have to replace her, and Logan was going to kiss me! I really liked Chase's brilliant idea, and I high-fived with all, it was nothing serious, and Zoey would not have been stoppable eve if it had been serious, as she was a really loving and caring elder sister.

Chase's plan went just fine.

Now I was on the stage, side by side with Logan Reese.

My heart beat like a steam engine.

"Oh, Bruno, it's so cool if you say that you love me. Our parents, though, will never permit it."

Logan grinned. "Thus let us enjoy the nick of time that is meant to be ours!"

This was the moment in which, according to my script, Logan and I were supposed to kiss for at least three seconds, or more. More would have been better!

Logan put his lips close to mine.

My heart stood still.

Logan grunted. "Can't you use better lip gloss? How do you dare to spoil and stain my lips with cheap gloss!"

"What?" This was not what I had written into my script, and Chase hadn't done so, either.

"My luxury lips," thundered Logan, "are not supposed to get exposed to cheap cosmetics!"

I choked. This was the only lip gloss here that I could afford, and felt comfy with.

Logan walked away with disgust.

Mr. Fletcher was flabbergasted.

The audience was split. Some of them did not see that it was Logan's audacious change of the script.

I was completely disappointed, and heart-broken.

Chase tried to comfort me, and so did Freddie, but I didn't want to see any guy in this moment.

Fortunately, both Missy and Samantha picked me up. They brought me back to my dorm, and they let me sob into my pillows for some hour, or even more.

Under different circumstances, Missy and Sam would probably have fought to the death over me. But, in this moment, they had to see that two best friends were sometimes better than just one of them.

And I really needed both of them.

From this very point, the worst day in my life, I learnt that I should not judge boys for their hotness.

There are really more important things to watch out for.

And love should come before kissing.

The next day, Zoey stumbled in. She pitied me for what happened, and she admired my resolutions. She admitted that she was about going to like Logan, until she saw him treating me like dirt. She would, alas, have rather made the experience herself, as an example for us younger siblings to learn from, instead of letting me go through it.

Zoey's respect meant a lot to me, yet I didn't talk about Chase's crush on her, which he had trusted me, as I hallowed this information like a secret between brother and sister.

* * *

** Chapter 8. Dustin's Phobia**

* * *

As pets were not allowed in our dorms, we were urged to hide Elvis and Frothy carefully, and, in order to make it harder for the dorm advisers, such as Coco, to get at out bottom, we had to make them circulate the dorms, i.e. each week, another kid took care of our pets.

Alas, when it was Dustin's turn, he screamed, and ran away.

I was urged to call Zoey, while I kept on waiting in front of his dorm, 66 A.

Zoey walked in. "OK, Carly, hi!" She sighed. "carly is really afraid of animals. Not just ugly ones, such as spiders, but also of cute ones, such as Frothy and Elvis."

My eyes bugged out.

Alas, I could subtly understand it, but I didn't like to talk about it. And I had known before that Dustin was afraid of squirrels.

Zoey sat down on a bean bag in Dustin's dorm. We had to wait for either him or his roomie Jack to return.

Zoey told me that Dustin had once stuck his finger playfully into a glass with a goldfish, until he was bit. Ever since ...

I startled and fell off my bean bag.

Zoey wondered what was going on.

I sighed. "My bro Spencer relates to fish on so many levels. He kept goldfish in his college room, he is a passionate diver, he loves sea food, including sea weed, and he loves boats, he always longed for an own yacht, but he has given up on that ... I hope, at least."

Zoey smiled. "Yeah, I like the sea, I want to job as a life guard this summer. I swim really well."

I smiled. "Good for you. Anyways, when I was smaller, Spencer goldfish gave me the creeps. And I didn't want to follow him to the lakes or rivers, because I thought that fish would jump out from there, and swallow me up. But Spencer helped me to get over it."

Zoey smiled. "Cool! Could you help Dustin with that? He really loves animals, it's such a pity that he's afraid of them."

I sighed. "I may sure try to!"

It was a really tough task.

I needed Samantha's, Melanie's, and Fredward's help.

Alas, Samantha was totally uncooperative, which made me angry. She taunted Dustin for his fear of cats and dogs. "Aw, who is soon going to be eaten by my little tiger Frothy?"

Melanie stepped in front of Dustin. "I'm going to protect you!"

I wasn't sure whether Melanie wanted to protect Dustin, or just to provocate Samantha even more. Those Puckett twins could be terrible at times, at it costed most of my nerves preventing them from beating up each other. Did I have to explain unto Sam that the more kids were able to host Frothy, the safer he or she was? I tried hard to convince Sam.

Freddie backed me up, but this only left him in a bickering duel with Sam.

The atmosphere was worse.

Michael Barret had been waiting at the end of the lobby, and he alerted us because the dorm adviser was approaching.

Melanie snuck out, and she distracted the dorm adviser by talking about the rules about girls in boys' rooms. She thought that 10 p.m. would have been more appropriate than the actual 8 p.m. for a curfew.

This kept the DA away from us.

Finally, Sam gave in, as her heart had stood still when Michael had issued an alert.

Akin to my plan, Sam moved closer and closer to Dustin, holding Frothy safely. Whenever Dustin had become comfortable with a certain distance, it was time to move on.

We didn't make this in one day, and we needed to take many turns, but a week down the road, Dustin was ready to pet and feed both Frothy and Elvis.

I was glad because I had ridden such a sweet guy from his fear of many animals, especially dogs and cats.

Alas, Dustin seemed to thank especially Melanie, probably because she had tried to protect him physically, although her motivation was really selfish: provocating the hell out of her sister.

For the time being, I didn't mind, I was just lucky because I had made the life of the lovebirds at the PCA, er , lovecat and lovedog, Frothy and Elvis, a trifle safer.

* * *

** Chapter 9. Drake At PCA**

* * *

Winter break was over, and we were looking forward to the traditional Spring Fling, a party given here on the campus early February. No, we did not really look forward to it.

Jack and Dustin had told us that the party was going to be lame, as usual, because they had never been able to hire a decent band.

Alas, Zoey came to us with interesting news:

Drake Parker[[3]], an upscaling rock guitarist, probably the best Californian teenage rock star ever.

Sam's eyes bugged out.

"Drake! That's the hottest guitarist ever!" She swooned all the way down from her head to her toes. She would even have forgotten to eat.

Freddie envied Drake. "The girls will fall for him like dead flies."

Zoey showed me a picture of Drake.

Oh yeah, damn' hot he was! But I had sworn not to fall for a boy just because he was hot. The bad experience with Logan reese was enough for the rest of my life.

Alas, the whole think was not without a hitch: Drake's greedy snitch of a manager required 5,000 bucks for the visit!

I wondered how to scrape that much money together, given that we all ran out of money pretty fast, and Samantha and Melanie owed unto everyone and his dog on the campus.

Dustin had paid the first 20 bucks for Drake. He had been paid by Quinn, as he was her test rabbit for a project about sleep withdrawal.

I thought this horrible. Several days without sleep? This couldn't go well, could it?

Samantha and Melanie came up with the same idea: "Kissing booth!"

Freddie shuddered with disgust.

I sighed. I wasn't ready to kiss anyone that soon again, not for thousands of bucks, after my bad experiences with Logan Reese.

Freddie's idea was to burn DVDs on demand, and sell them.

Zoey had got some other plans: Car wash, batting melons, and something with selling shirts.

I stepped up to Zoey. "Before you forget it, talk to Quinn about the nonsense with abusing Dustin for her insane experiments. Everyone knows that we little kids need sleep." I yawned playfully.

Zoey nodded. "Sure, that's absurd. By the way, do you want to see the shirts that I've made for the sale?"

I shook my head, but I noticed that Zoey was already wearing one. "Wow! And I know someone who would buy a lot of those crazy shirts, if he were around."

Zoey tried to guess, but she failed.

I meant Spencer. He was obsessed with the idea of wearing fanciful designer outfit that was worthy of an artist like him, but he had not found, as of yet, anyone to make some. "Well, maybe I can get said person to show up for sponsoring us. But it won't be easy."

Zoey shrugged, but then we went ahead in order to look for Quinn.

On our way to Quinn, we found both of the kissing booths.

Mel and Sam had built them on opposite sides of the same road. They required one buck for a kiss of three seconds.

Zoey shook her head. "If they collect money for our concert, they should not call it a charity kissing booth."

I shrugged and asked Sam. "What charity org are you collecting bucks for?"

Sam pondered. "For a hospital for kids."

Zoey smiled. "Oh, that's interesting. Which hospital?"

Sam coughed. "St. ..."

"St. what," asked I.

"St ... St ..." stammered Sam. "You know, the one where there are medics, ... and nurses ..."

I scratched my head. "Oh yeah, a very informative description."

Zoey remarked that Mel was chewing bubble gums. "Is she going to kiss boys while popping gums?"

I chuckled. "Poor boys!" I wondered whether Dean Rivers had even given them the permit for their kissing booth.

Then we found Quinn who was just pouring ice cubes down Dustin's pants, in order to test his reactions.

Zoey was immediately at Quinn's throat.

Dustin protested. "But Quinn has already paid me for the whole experiment."

Zoey gave Quinn her bucks back. "OK, and never dare to use him again for any of your abusive experiments, will you?"

Quinn stammered helplessly.

Zoey nodded and sighed. "OK, now I've got even less bucks to offer unto Drake."

I sighed with despair. "Nicole and Dana are right. The spring fling will be lame."

When we passed again by the booths, Mel and Sam smiled.

"Executive Chairman Berman has paid us 1000 bucks for a kiss," boasted Sam.

I choked.

A few steps further, we saw Mr. Berman, scratching scraps of popped bubble gum from his face while cursing rudely.

He was probably never going to donate anything anymore for our Spring Fling.

All the money we got was not enough, hardly 2000 bucks.

Spencer would have loved to buy the shirts off Zoey, and also the gowns she had designed for the ad clip for that scooter, but he was on the road to the East coast, unable to drop in.

Freddie sighed deeply. "OK, I may patch voices with my lap top. Maybe even listening to Sam could be impressive, with her voice all patched." He was particularly disappointed, because he had wanted to ask Drake for his secret for impressing girls. Little Wonder, Freddie accused Sam and Mel of having spoiled everything.

Finally, Drake and his band arrived.

His manager wanted to cancel the concert as soon as he noticed that we lacked the bucks.

In addition, Drake, who had just been hugged to death by cheerful Nicole, told me brashly to get out of his way.

I was deadly sad, and I wanted to withdraw to my dorm.

Freddie pretended to comfort me, but he abused the situation once more in order to hug me a lot longer than I was comfortable with.

Alas, Drake saw the shirts, and he was enthusiastic. "They are fantastic!" He agreed with Zoey on playing for no money, if she transferred unto him the rights over the design of the shirts.

Zoey pitied me, but she agreed with Drake. She could not disappoint all the pupils that had been dying for seeing Drake.

The concert was wonderful.

Alas, I had to hide in some dark corner. How could Drake hate me so much, although he had never seen me before?

Drake played _Highway To Nowhere_[[4]] , a really wonderful song.

But I could not enjoy it. I withdrew early from the concert, and I slept through the mayhem, while Melanie, Sam, and Nicole sucked at Drake's lips like nobody's business.

Drake having purchased the rights to the shirts meant, unfortunately, that Spencer had to buy them off that evil womaniser.

Against my better judgement, Spencer did exactly that, and deal with Drake. Fortunately, Spencer had not stuck to my advice: When he talked to Drake, he figured why he had sent me away without reason:

Drake had got a little sister, Megan, who looked a lot like me. He had confused us. In order to make up for the pointless confusion, Drake gave Spencer two tickets for a concert in the Dingo Club in Los Angelos that he was going to give the other week.

I accepted the tickets, and I went to the concert with Spencer. There, I met Megan. I understood why Drake had been so abrasive. Megan, inspite of being a devout fan of Drake in public, was a cunning devil at home.

Alas, I had to agree with Megan on one thing:

Drake was a hell of a jerk.

I would never want to waste my life on such a guy, even though he was the hottest boy of California.

The experience with Logan had taught me to be careful, and not to value looks over inner values - never again!

* * *

** Chapter 10. Counterfeiter**

* * *

As has been said, Spencer had to buy the wonderful Drake shirts from Drake, instead of directly from Zoey.

But this did not prevent him from becoming Zoey's greatest private customer.

Zoey was designing many, many different accessories. She did not really want to sell them, but they were so popular.

Spencer bought her gowns. As an artist, said he, he was endowed with the license to wear fanciful girls' outfits.

While Zoey didn't really want money from Spencer, she accepted his payments as a sort of donation for founding entertainment at our school.

Interestingly, many of Zoey's designs were the result not of careful planning, but, rather, spontaneous reactions to incidents.

Nicole had once spoiled one of the backpacks that were for sale in the PCA shop. She had to buy it, borrowing money from Zoey. As she didn't like the backpack, she left it to the blonde.

In no time, Zoey had changed the backpack into some artistic master piece.

The ornations of the backpack made many pupils' eyes bug out, including mine.

Alas, mad skills provoke the envy of mad guys.

One girl[[5]] , she called herself Stasie, but this was a fake name, as I got to know later on, had taken pictures of the backpack, just in order to produce copies of it, and to sell them to other pupils!

Little wonder, those who knew and appreciated that Zoey was the rightful creator of those wonderworks of modern pop-art were mightily upset.

Too bad, Spencer came along, as he had to do in Los Angeles. He brought me some of his spaghetti tacos, knowing how much I loved these. He also wanted to look for more of Zoey's crazy outfits.

Stasie was already negotiating with the vendor of the campus store about offering her counterfeited backpacks for sale, but, as of yet, she had to sell them in her own booth.

Spencer approached Stasie, his eyes glowing from interest.

"Do you want to buy one of my backpacks." wondered Stasie.

Spencer's eyes bugged out. "One of them?" He chuckled. "How about the whole table's load? Do I get any discount?"

The girl was flabbergasted. "Erm ... sure?" She shrugged.

"OK, how much?" Spencer started grabbing money from his pockets, and he started counting. "A bit more than 2000 bucks, and a spaghetti taco!"

Stasie grinned. She had never heard of spaghetti tacos.

Spencer showed her one of those wonderworks of creative kitchen.

Stasie agreed. "OK, all that, and the taco!"

I coughed and choked. Dark, heavy smoke billowed forth from my nose, from the angles of my mouth, and from my ears. How could Spencer make a deal with this diabolic cheater? Even more, why did it appear as if Spencer was flirting with her? That didn't seem right, she was like fifteen years old, and Spencer had already turned 24. I was close to puking.

I was upset when I met Spencer after his deal. I told him what I knew about the scandalous backpack affair.

Spencer just chuckled. "Hey! It's cool! Not only have I bought thirty designer backpacks of the most impressive sort, I also got rid of my books that I had bought for law school, and which I don't need anymore." He bounced around like a monkey, and he cheered his cheeks off. "She wants to go to law school when she's grown up. I think that she will be a really cool lawyer!"

I shook my head. How was it possible to talk some sense into a mentally drunken Spencer?

The next day, I entered the cafeteria for lunch.

Sam, Melanie, Freddie, Missy, and Dustin were following me.

The queue was long, and I didn't really look at the menu.

Sam was usually the first to study the menus, although she ate anything. "Hey, they are selling spaghetti tacos!"

My eyes bugged out when I looked at the menu. "Spaghetti tacos?" I choked hard. Did they really clone Spencer's recipe? He had been here for less than a whole day. That could not have been an accident.

And it wasn't!

I looked over the counter, and what did I see?

The very same girl that had been stealing Zoey's backpack design, and that had stolen Spencer's mind, yes that diabolic person was negotiating with the chef of the cafeteria, the same way she had done with the vendor of the campus store. She apparently drove a hard bargain.

I had to tell Spencer about that, maybe it would have taken him back to reason. Recuctantly, I bought some of the spaghetti tacos, although I knew that it was just going to make the false snake wealthy. But I needed a proof that those tacos were based off Spencer's recipe.

Classes were over, and I had just returned to my dorm. I wanted to listen to some songs on my G.O.

Freddie stumbled in. "Hey, Carly! I've figured something about that Stasie girl!" Too bad, he wanted a kiss for it.

I was curious. But I stayed hard. "Freddie, how often do I have to tell you that I don't want to kiss you!"

Fredward sighed bitterly, but he decided to tell me, anyways. "Stasie is a fake name."

"Aw, wow! Who would have thought of that?" I chuckled. About everything of her was fake. Was there anything not fake?

Freddie glared at me. "Seriously, I've figured who she really is. OK, let's begin. Her name is Melinda Crenshaw, and she usually lives in Belleview, a suburb of San Diego."

I shrugged helplessly, as I was not familiar with the region of San Diego.

"Melinda had been expelled from her local school for fraud in the honour council," explained Freddie. "She had tried to get another pupil framed for a deed she had committed in order to get back at her English teacher who had once had dared to give her a B instead of the A she had deserved."

I shrugged. "What a scrapnel!"

Freddie nodded. "Interestingly, that pupil she had tried to get framed was no other than Drake Parker!"

I choked hard. OK, Drake was a jerk, but this did not entitle anyone to do such a thing! Yeah, counterfeiting Spencer's spaghetti tacos, and Zoey's backpacks, that was really, really mean.

Freddie felt compelled to report Melinda, or whatever she called herself, to Dean Rivers.

This should have convinced Spencer to stop trusting the fake girl, shouldn't it?

Alas, Spencer did not get convinced easily. And he even offered to defend Melinda in front of Dean Rivers.

What had the naughty witch done to my brother?

I, at least, was consternated, and I stopped understanding my own brother completely.

Yet Spencer had not figured what Melinda had been really up to.

At the same time as Zoey had designed her backpack, Quinn had started cultivating a new fruit, a cross between the apple and the banana. She called those fruits banapples.

Too bad, even though the crossover plant bore fruits, those were nowhere near edible.

The reason: Melinda had injected some chemicals that made their juice totally caustic, burning through many materials.

And why had she done that?

Exactly like Quinn, Melinda was a passionate scientist, covering both chemistry, physics, and biology.

As one of her greatest achievements, she had been able to clone a puppy.

Quinn was one of Melinda's closest competitors for the Californa state-wide science fair, and Melinda did everything to knock her out of the way.

Dean Rivers wanted to get Melinda expelled not only from the Pacific Coast Academy, but from all Californian schools and colleges, for life. He also wanted to inform the FBI in order to extend the ban to the whole country.

Spencer, still under Melinda's spell, could not save her from expulsion from the Pacific Coast Academy, but from everything else, provided that she paid Zoey for her efforts, and helped Quinn to correct the mess that she had caused by manipulating her banapple bush.

Melinda accepted the modified edict, albeit grudgingly.

Something told me that she was firmly planning on striking back when we would least expect it.

As usual, Zoey didn't take the money for herself, but she invested it into the installation of a new stereo plant in their lounge.

I forgot about my forboding feelings, and I danced the night away, along with all my friends.

* * *

** Chapter 11. Speechless Sam**

* * *

Samantha's greatest gift was, uhm, how to say it, well, it was eating.

She could swallow tremendous amounts of food in virtually no time.

As we've already seen, the Pacific Coast offered a large variety of food.

Our cafeteria was well-stocked, and now it offered even Spencer's spaghetti tacos , with moderate royalties going straight to Spencer.

Kazu's Japanese café, we called it "Sushi Rox", was the most popular hangout of many of our students, especially Zoey and her closer friends.

The vendor machines, found in all the lounges, and also on the open campus, sold a variety of snacks and drinks, at any day- and night time.

Well, you needed to get to the lounges and onto the campus, and there were curfews that may have prevented you from accessing them, but the machines did not yell: "It's past curfew, we are now down! _Hasta mañana_!" Alas, they only accepted certain bills and coins, and, sometimes it occured that they did not work correctly, and they refused to return your spare change, or the stuff you've told them to spit out, or they gave you something you didn't order.

There were also vendor carts, especially for coffee and pastry. Since our ad clip, they sold juices from the juice factory of Nicole's dad.

I didn't like the guy who sold the stuff, his name was Calvin.

But Sam was apparently his best friend, wonder why ... Anyways, Sam was addicted to grabbing snacks all the time, even from other pupils.

I often paid those pupils for what Sam had taken from them, just in order to dissuade them from denouncing her to Dean Rivers.

Alas, this was not only the only risk Sam had to run, down to her greediness with respect to snacks.

Early one morning, even ere the sun was rising, I woke up, at the same time as Sam.

Usually, she greeted us by yelling like crazy.

I was surprised when I didn't hear from her.

She opened her mouth, and shut it again, but nothing was heard, barring some weak sounds.

Nobody shall think that I did not enjoy the silence, about everyone on the camous did, and Freddie would have bounced through his roof cheering if he had heard those news, right now. But I was seriously worried. A speechless Sam? That can't be right."Talk to me!"

Alas, the same thing repeated itself, over and over: movements of her jaws, and hot air with the scent of a mixture of rotten food, but no intelligible word.

I thought it appriopriate to visit the infirmary.

Alas, Sam struggled against this, with teeth and claws.

Admitted, the nurse was a perverted fury, nobody liked to go there.

Except in credible cases of emergency, we were not allowed to visit a medic outside the campus without having checked previously with the nurse.

My only solution was to check with Quinn, instead.

Socko's little sister had acquired a large knowledge about biology and the human anatomy, among many other things. If any of our pupils could help Sam, it was certainly Quinn.

Quinn pushed some strange-looking instruments down Sam's throat. She tapped some of her blood, using a large syringe. She also extracted liquids from Sam's stomach.

I almost passed out when I saw Quinn fumbling with my best friend, but I had to stay strong for Sam.

Quinn came to a diagnosis. Too bad, she used only words that you did not understand unless you had graduated from Harvard Medic School, or something equivalent.

I was really impatient.

"Did you eat potato chips, as of lately," asked Quinn.

She probably did, but she could not answer by speaking, better, by yelling, and she was certainly too lazy to write. But she figured that she was still able to nod or to shake her head, and she decided that she was not too lazy to nod.

Quinn sighed deeply. "A long storey. Michael is addicted to potato chips. He has recently turned chubby, so I had to invent some surrogate that looked like those snacks, and tasted and smelt like those, but is devoid of fat."

I smiled. "Cool!"

Quinn continued. "Too bad, it appears to have some side effects, affecting the voice."

I was consternated. "Sam, did you grab Michael's potato snacks?"

Sam shrugged helplessly.

I concluded that Sam must have seen them lying around somewhere, abandoned by Michael, and she must have picked them up, and swallowed them. Sam hated it when food was left anywhere to rot away. What a waste.

Quinn assured unto us that, should Sam not eat again from those snacks, her voice was about going to return within a few days.

Sam sighed deeply. There and then, she swore to never pick up and devour food that had been left behind by others, unless in original wrapping from a trustworthy source.

A few days later, her voice had come back, and we had never been any more happy about being yelled at by Sam, even Freddie sighed with sincere relief.

* * *

** Chapter 12. Dancing Floor**

* * *

I was sitting on a beanbag in my dormitory room, thinking about nothing bad, when Chase Matthews showed up.

"Hi, Carly, have you got a moment," asked Chase.

I nodded solemnly. "What's up?"

Chase sighed deeply. "There's that school dance, for the middle school classes ..."

I smiled. "I so know whom you want to ask out ..."

Chase cringed. "It's not a ball where you ask someone out, it is ..."

The partners for the dance, so it turned out, were assigned by a computer, based upon some questionary.

Sam and Melanie returned from lunch. "Hi!"

Chase expressed that he did not wish a certain someone to be assigned to a jerk for the ball.

"You're talking about the school dance," wondered Sam.

I nodded. "The dance is not for us little girls, though, only grades six through eight!"

Melanie shrugged. "So what? Is there something to eat at the ball?"

Sam beamed enigmatically.

Chase nodded. "Sure, there will be some sort of a buffet."

"Then I'm in it," declared Sam. She belched rudely, expressing her disrespect for the rules.

Melanie burped, too. She also farted, trying to top Sam's gross behaviour.

Needless to say, Sam did not let Melanie win that easily.

I was thoroughly disgusted. The Puckett twins are going to kill me with their gross demeanour. I was so close to puking, and I had the same impression about Chase. "Maybe Dustin can help you?"

Chase nodded, deeming it a great idea. Dustin sure knew Zoey very well.

Dustin did what Chase wanted, alas, with one mistake: Instead of filling in Chase's name, and his birthday, and his school dates, he inserted his own, because Chase had not been clear enough.

Typical Chase!

When his mind was occupied by Zoey, he could not talk or think clearly.

Fortunately, the whole thing got rejected because Dustin was too young for the school dance, saving him from the embarassing incident of being assigned his own sister as a dance partner.

Alas, the same problem still remained:

Instead of Chase, Zoey was going to be assigned to some random partner, and Chase was going to be deadly sad.

When the results got published, a few pupils were very much disappointed.

Quinn, who had programmed the computer that had determined the assignments for the school dance, told me that Logan was assigned to Dana, two arrogant beasts. That's as if Freddie had been assigned to Sam, it would have lead to murder and genocide on the dancing floor!

Poor Michael was assigned to some male exotic exchange student who was totally unfamiliar with our customs.

Zoey, in turn, was assigned to some Glen Davis.

But Quinn thought that someone must have manipulated something. No jerk could match Zoey!

It was the evening of the school dance.

Chase lamented about his misfortune.

Sam grabbed him. "Now, go to the dance," she ordered him brashly.

Chase sighed, because that made no sense for him.

Sam snuck away at the same time.

Nobody knew what she was up to, and I better did not bother to ask.

I was already asleep, but some rude belching sounds woke me up, again. I knew that this could be only one person.

Sam told me to ignore her.

Alas, I was too curious. "What happened to Chase?"

Sam chuckled. "Well, too bad, someone had locked Glen into a wardrobe, where he's still stuck. Thus Zoey had no choice other than dancing with Chase!" She grinned demonically.

I choked and coughed. This someone who had locked away Glen, it was Sam, or, how else would she know what had happened to him, given that he was still stuck in there?

Sam belched again.

"You've sacked the buffet," I giggled.

Sam nodded. "They had 12 different dips. Boys are so stupid. Think of that ... Michael and his 'boyfriend' argued over how to hold a corn crop when eating it. I grabbed theirs, swallowed it in one piece, and spit the stem into the opposit corner."

I laughed heartily. "But how did you get past the bouncer?"

Sam laughed manically. "I simply bounced the bouncer. It wasn't that hard, really."

I keeled over laughing.

"Dana and Logan were one heart and one soul - punch, kick, yell," reported Sam. "Nicole and her Nicholas ... they were equally talkative, and they liked the music. Well, they pretended that they were a bad match, but they were perfect together."

I beamed brightly.

Two days later, Freddie reported: "Glen Davis had paid Firewire 20 bucks for hacking into Zoey's computer, and stealing her answers, so they would have ended up together."

I sighed. "How mean!"

Sam grunted. "Wayne Gaga, aka Firedweeb ... he needs to learn a lesson, but the hard way."

I applauded when I saw Sam clenching her fists. Usually, I'm opposed to violence, but in this case ...

The next year, we were going to be admitted to the school dance, as well.

I hoped that they were going to abolish that stupid computer thing.

Otherwise, Freddie was probably going to abuse his technological skills in order to manipulate the system, making us dance partners. Gag!

* * *

** Chapter 13. Down By The Beach**

* * *

That term was coming to an end.

The finals were really hard.

A C+ at the Pacific Coast Academy was about as hard to earn as an A- at Ridgeway.

The school had got a wonderful tradition for the end of the winter term.

We were allowed to celebrate a whole afternoon at the beach.

Not our school's beach, it was nice, but much too small for some thousand pupils.

That's why we rented wonderful Mystic Beach, almost fifty miles down the coastal road. Busses were going to take us there.

I wondered whether Dustin was going to come with us or with his sister. Followed by Melanie and Sam, I snuck to Zoey's lounge. What did I see?

Dustin, Zoey, Chase, Michael, Quinn, Dana, Nicole, and Logan were all lying on the floor, sleeping! They were so likely to miss their bus.

Melanie and Sam tried waking them up, but for no avail.

Sam found a test tube. Usually, she would have tasted that stuff, but her experiences with Quinn's potato chips had taught her to be careful, especially as the tube was probably one of Quinn's crazy experiments. Thus she tucked the tube safely away in her pockets.

We decided to leave the older pupils where they were, but Melanie grabbed Dustin, and she carried him over to the rest of the elementary school kids.

Our teacher needed to know whether Dustin came with us or not, and if Zoey was asleep, she couldn't assume any responsibility for Dustin.

Mr. Billiam, our homeroom teacher, checked Dustin in his list, the poor little boy's sleep notwithstanding.

Our bus arrived at Mystic Beach.

We had sincerely hoped that Zoey and her friends woke up in time, but, bear with it.

Freddie, Sam, and I shared a blanket.

Dustin wanted to bathe in the warm waves.

In Seattle, these days would be anything but suited for a bath in the open air, but California was wonderful.

Dustin tried repeatedly to reach his sister via cellular phone, but for no reply.

Aw, I knew that feeling. More than once in my life had I felt let down by Spencer, since the day dad had gone abroad.

Maybe we should have left him with the sleeping eightgraders? That way, he would at least have been with his sister.

I hugged Dustin fondly, hoping to be able to comfort him this way.

Freddie looked angrily at us, with jealousy driving dense and billowing smoke through his nose, and his ears. He must have been bitterly disappointed by this excursion to Mystic Beach. He had been looking so forward to it.

In his imagination, and he had kept on annying me with those, we would have been sitting down by the beach, holding hands, making out, and other gross stuff, not breaking from each other ere the set of sun, if not in the moonlight, as well.

Sam and Melanie came to our rescue. With nothing but their bare hands, they had caught a really big fish.

Freddie was as hungry as the rest of us, hence he helped Jack and Missy, who had been making a bonfire, frying up the fish for supper.

Sam was also worried about the missing eight graders. She even refrained from filling Freddie's beach pants with worms and sand, as she had planned to.

Suddenly, Dustin's phone rang.

It was Quinn Pensky. She told us that the gang had taken a cab, but , apparently, given the wrong directions. She had a hard time establishing a connection with their cellular phones.

I told Mr. Bender. He took his jeep, and drove away in order to fetch the stranded kids.

Freddie came with Mr. Bender, as he knew how to locate the kids with his technological equipment, once they were close enough.

Sunset at Mystic Beach was marvellous. It made me swoon for many weeks to come.

Granted, sunset at the beach near our school was cool, too, but Mystic Beach was unique.

I would have liked to learn surfing, or play beach ball, but I didn't get to do that. The afternoon and the evening at Mystic Beach had been much too short. It was time to return to the school.

Greedy as she was, Melanie, who had found the test tube in Sam's pocket, couldn't refrain from grabbing it, and she sniffled at the substance which had the scent of coconut. She fell asleep almost on site.

And this explained how Zoey and her friends had come to pass out.

I giggled fanatically.

I didn't think that, for Dustin, I had been anything but a temporary replacement for Zoey. He was too proud to admit to the degree to which he missed Zoey, but so was I when it came down to Spencer. That's why I understood oh-so-so well how he must have felt. Only much later did I realise that there might have been a lot more to us.

Whatever, we were now back at the school, and deadly tired.

Sam and I, we had to help Melanie into her pyjamas. It was really gross, as Sam insulted her sleeping sister in every possible way, with Sam fighting back whenever she woke up for a few seconds.

I really hoped that the boarding office was going to separate the bickering Puckett twins.

After all, it was both a good and a bad first year at the Pacific Coast Academy.

I still missed Spencer, and sometimes even Mrs. Benson, but I clearly preferred Southern California over Seattle, and I enjoyed having found a bunch of new friends.

** End Of First Season**

* * *

** Chapter 14. Welcome, Shelby!**

* * *

Our first year at the Pacific Coast Academy had been great, but the second year?

This time, it was Socko who dropped us at the campus.

My new dorm was Butler Hall, but the number, 65 B, still remained. They even had changed labels in order to leave my number, strange ... this A and B thing, so told us Coco, was the result of changes when the former boys' dorms got converted into guest dorms, and, later into girls' dorms.

Coco hadn't understood what she was talking about, but bear with it.

I walked in, side by side with Sam.

The Puckett twins had been separated.

But, or so I asked myself, who was our new third room-mate? I didn't have to look very far, or, I couldn't even do so, as I was hit by a sand sack, one of the kind used by boxers in training.

The corresponding martial artist was not far. "Oops!"

I looked flabbergasted.

"Hi, my name is Shelby," the girl announced, removing her martial gloves. "Shelby Marx."

Sam and I, we shook Shelby's hand, and we introduced ourselves.

Shelby told us that she was new. She had come to this school, along with her older cousin Lola. "Lola is an aspiring Hollywood actress! She will now make her roomies think that she's something she isn't ... you know, acting and stuffs."

I shrugged.

Dustin arrived, glad to see me again. He remarked that Logan paid him for establishing a new play station in his dormitory hall. Dustin was keen on breaking the record in the new action game from the Galaxy Wars series. He also thought of his new roomie as cool. "He refuses to wear a shirt!"

I choked, as I only knew one person who hated wearing shirts ... "Gibby!"

My heart stood still when I saw the funny dork marching in.

I introduced Gibby to Dustin. "We've been at the same state school."

Two days later, I had breakfast in the cafeteria.

It turned out that Lola was the new replacement for Dana, who, according to rumours, had gone to France.

Freddie stared at Shelby with a horny facial expression. "What a woman!" He drooled more than ever before.

I tried to stop him, but my weak attempts were to no avail.

Missy and Melanie had a new roomie, too, her name was Sandy Baldwin[[6]].

Sandy was rather nice, so I feared that Melanie was going to abuse her.

I better kept my eyes open. I also wondered why Dustin appeared so tired.

Dustin explained that he had been very close to breaking the records in some _Galaxy Wars_ game, right on Logan's new gaming station.

Little wonder, all the hell's noise from the boys' hall ...

Shelby also told me that Lola's roomies had been fooled totally by Lola. "My cousin acted as a goth girl, and they believed it!"

I chuckled mercilessly. But I was also worried about the noise. The video game was one thing, but the techno music was a hell of unbearable. Alas, I had got some idea ...

Freddie had figured that some college girl named Sasha Striker was the video gaming queen of the Pacific Coast. After facing that challenge, Dustin should be fed up with video games.

Two days later, Sasha Striker arrived.

Jeremiah Trottman, the speaker of the PCA News, introduced the great challenge:

Sasha Striker, the experienced video gaming champion, vs. Dustin Brooks, a tweenie boy that studied at the PCA.

Sasha grinned. She donned some special gloves before she made her fingers dance all over the console.

Dustin was intimidated, but shirtless Gibby instilled him with the necessary courage he needed in order to be up to the chalenge of the rival.

Sam and I, we had to watch the event from our lounge.

Freddie had just wired the plasma screen, enabling us to watch the whole thing almost life-sized.

Jeremiah Trottman was such an annoying freak. He tried to flirt the living junk out of Sasha.

That was downright disgusting.

I wished that Sam would make Trottman wedgie-bounce from the highest flag staff of the whole campus.

Unfortunately, Trottman was now in a different lounge.

But one day, Jeremiah, one day!

The heat was on.

For a long time, it was really close.

Zoey called me on the phone, telling me how idiotic that whole challenge was.

I almost regretted having had the idea, when it turned out that Dustin broke down, and he could not hold a candle to Sasha Striker.

Game over!

Dustin's highscore was not bad, but he could not reach that of the championess of the arcade.

He broke into tears, while Sasha smiled calmly, and she walked away.

I was sad, too, and I cursed the day I had had that idea. But, what did I notice?

Shelby Marx had apparently snuck into the lounge where the arcade event had just taken place. She swang her leather-coated yet flaming fists into Sasha Striker's general direction, intimidating her.

Sasha bowed to Shelby's "convincing arguments", and she turned around. She grabbed Dustin, and she took him into his arms. Of course she was way too old for him, and Zoey would have been rightfully upset if Sasha had gone any further. But, as I was going to know later, Sasha just told Dustin that she had not started breaking records before the age of fifteen. In addition, she suggested him to slow down, otherwise he was going to lose many friends, as she had done a few years ago. Sasha set Dustin back onto his beanbag. Then she smiled, waved, and disappeared.

Yes, I had been really scared by Sasha, but Shelby's courageous interference had saved the day. I was lucky to have Shelby as a new room-mate and friend. And, of course, I knew that Dustin was all cool and likable as he was, he did not need to beat gaming records, or do similar stuff. Probably all tweenie boys tried to appear cooler by doing some stupid stuff, and girls like me, too, at least sometimes.

Zoey, on the other hand, had finally calmed down, and she congratulated me for my brilliant idea.

For, finally, the noise level had gone back to normal, and we could hope for a peaceful new academic year.

* * *

** Chapter 15. In Twenty Years**

* * *

As I had been qualified for the student teaching program, I was assigned a class of elementary school kids to tutor.

Again, my example to live up to was Mr. Bender. He gave us participants in the student teaching program a lot of valuable hints. And he kept on doing interesting projects in his own classes.

This year, some of his highschool freshmen had found an old yearbook. They made remarks about the pupils from times gone by, and they also wondered what the next generations of pupils was going to think about them.

Mr. Bender made a class project, where the pupils were expected to contribute something to a time capsule that was going to be dug into the soil of the campus, preserving memories of our days at the PCA.

I entered my tutoring class, telling them about our project: Writing an essay about how the next generation of pupils might think about us.

My tutor group was a pretty mix of a great variety of pupils.

Mandy Valdez was probably the most funny of all. She liked to imitate ducks. "Quack! Quack!"

Chuck, well, I did not quite trust him, although I could not say why.

Then there was Millie[[7]], a fearless and audacious kid.

I was totally annoyed by Amber Tate[[8]] , another pupil in my tutor group.

She was a kid Hollywood star of some sorts, known for a show where she was flirting with plush monsters. Amber told us that in twenty years, she was going to be a famous Hollywood diva, whose movies were seen everywhere, and that it was pointless writing about this.

According to Shelby, Lola was characterised by a smilar, albeit weaker attitude.

Hollywood stars, weren't they just an incredible bunch of divas and jerks?

My favourite pupil was Morgan[[9]], the daughter of a TV producer. She was rather critical of her father's work, and she wanted to be more normal.

Of course, I needed to care about all my pupils in the same manner, otherwise I'd have been a very bad teacher. But some pupils made this harder than others.

The time capsule had infected many pupils that were not in Mr. Bender's classes, too.

Sam thought that the only thing that mattered for her was the availability of pork.

Freddie was of a different opinion. He knew very well what should happen in twenty years: "I will be Carly's second husband[[10]] ."

Sam and I, we wondered what was going to happen to my first husband.

Freddie grumbled. "You can't prove anything!"

I was annoyed. "Freddie, we are friends, but I will never marry a freak like you, it just won't happen."

Freddie blew billowing smoke with the scent of brimstone and charcoal through his capital orifices. He kicked the wall, making his foot hurt. Apparently, as was confirmed later, he was about thinking about how to make me jealous.

Sam shook her head. "Grow up, dweebward! Or go and look for some freak girl you're worthy of!"

Shelby walked in. She had been working out for two hours straight.

Sweat poured down from Shelby's skin, just like those famous falls of Niagara.

Freddie took a huge towel. "Wait, I help you!" He obviously offered to wipe her sweat.

Shelby shrugged. "Thanks, it's nice from you, but I better take a shower first. There was only a shower for boys in the gym hall, otherwise I'd have done that straight over there."

Freddie shrugged, and he sighed. "Oh, showers are sometimes jammed over here. You might need technical assistance."

I choked. Freddie was laying it really thick. If it was his plan to make me jealous, it was doomed for failure, but he might have got himself hurt.

Shelby shrugged. "Really? Are the showers here that flaky?"

I shrugged. "We haven't experienced any problems."

Dustin bounded in. "Hi Shelby, have you been squirted by a watergun, too?"

Shelby shook her head. "I'm sweating all over, and I need to take a shower. Hey, did you talk about squirting guns?"

Dustin nodded. "Chuck, that creep ... he had squirted me all over, and then he had locked me into a wardrobe, after I tried in vain to tutor him in geography. Also, Mandy Valdez had tried to flirt with me. Quack! Quack!" He shuddered with dismay. "But Morgan called custodian Banville who freed me." He sighed with relief.

I sighed. "Is he really that mean?" I hated thinking negatively about younger pupils, so I would have preferred to see it with my own eyes.

Dustin nodded.

I knew that Dustin exaggerated sometimes, but he didn't really lie. How did Mandy dare to sneak up to Dustin, grrrrr!

Shelby grinned. "OK, I'm off to Chuck, maybe he can borrow me his gun, then I will ask Missy to squirt me."

"Hey," boomed Freddie, "just beat him up, take his gun, and let me squirt you all over!" He gazed at Shelby in a horny manner.

Fortunately, Shelby had already turned around, and she did not see his suggestive posture anymore.

I pitied Chase. Zoey had made a clip for the time capsule, saying stuff about her friends, and Chase was so dying for knowing what she thought about him. "Chase, don't do something silly like kidnapping the time capsule. There's only one way to get this done right. Tell Zoey about your feelings!"

Alas, my words just fell like silent drops.

Chase sighed bitterly.

Alas, was I really that much better? Dustin was so sweet, and every girl getting too close to him made me upset, but I refused to talk about that, just because he was not hot and tall. I was such a hypocritical lass preaching unto Chase.

Freddie bounded in, screaming. "Ouuuuch!"

I wondered what was wrong.

It turned out that Freddie had tried to hit on Shelby, once again, but she span around and punched his butt, hard.

I laughed fanatically, even worse than Sam. But at least I refrained from making taunting remarks. I just knew that Freddie wasn't going to get anywhere, unless, somewhen during the following twenty years, he stopped treating girls like web pages that could be browsed freely.

* * *

** Chapter 16. Class President**

* * *

Mr. Thatcher[[11]] , our homeroom teacher, announced the upcoming elections for the office of the class president.

In our first year at the Pacific Coast Academy, we girls were completely unknown.

For that avail, only boys got suggested, let alone voted.

This year, the signs had changed.

Several girls had achieved a lot during the last year, especially Zoey Brooks.

I wished that Zoey was voted by the freshmen. And I knew that Chase was so going to suggest her.

Alas, there were many prejudices left.

Many boys, especially jerks of the size of Logan Reese, were not ready to concede any responsibility to us girls.

But we were rigged and ready for the challenge.

Sam raised her hand, suggesting me as a class president.

I choked. "Are you sure?"

Mr. Thatcher aked whether anyone supported that suggestion.

Of course, Freddie did. He jumped up and yelled it across the class room.

Mr. Thatcher asked for more canditates.

Melanie, according to my guess out of mere spite, because her hostile twin sister had suggested someone, looked around, then she stood up, and she named Dustin Brooks.

Well, at that moment, it looked completely random, but, just a few weeks later, I was going to learn that there were way deeper reasons at the bottom of Melanie's choice.

Dustin choked. "What?"

Gibby stood up. He removed his shirt, and boomed. "I second that!" Then he grinned smartly.

Mr. Thatcher commanded Gibby brashly to don his shirt again.

Gibby pouted.

Mr. Thatcher noted the suggestions, anyways.

The electorial campaigns were scheduled to last one week.

After the lessons, I circumambulated the campus, running into Dustin, who appeared very excited.

Dustin coughed. "Hi! As you know, I'm Logan's errant boy ..."

I knew that very well, and nodded. It had been my idea, more or less. And I earned a few bucks the same way as Dustin did, doing errants for some spoiled lasses. This wasn't exactly like serving Logan, but it was damn' close to that, and definitely nothing to be proud of, either.

Dustin sighed. "Logan is sponsoring my electorial campaign, and those of all the other boys that run against girls!"

I was flabbergasted. Alas, it sounded so plausible for Logan to do that. "Thanks for informing me!"

Dustin sobbed. "He already sponsors Chase against Zoey."

A wave of pain shot through my spine.

I knew that Chase was not happy about that, and that he was not able to tell Zoey the deeper reason why. That was so going to end up in chaos and mayhem.

Sam shook her head. "Carly, you need to spread all sorts of dirty rumours about Dustin ..."

I shrugged. "Why would I do that? I don't hate him."

Sam grunted. "It's your only chance to win!"

Freddie agreed with Sam.

I shook my head. "You watch too many junk movies!" I knew that Sam wanted to go that way just because Melanie supported Dustin. "Forget it, in any case, it would be too late!"

Freddie and Sam were flabbergasted.

"Dustin has just receded," told I, "he hates running against me, and, even more, he's Logan's errant boy, not his marionetta. If he had won the elections, the real winner would have been Logan and jerkishness."

Sam shrugged. "What a weakling!"

Freddie nodded solemnly. Also, he was apparently seized by fits of jealousy. He must have sensed somethig that I was still not ready for thinking about for real.

I shrugged. "See it as you want, I'm not your marionetta either!" I was so tired of Samantha's and Melanie's mutual hatred. I also knew that Missy had joined Melanie in her campaign for Dustin, just in order to spite Sam. That was so insane!

But I deemed even more insane the things going on between Chase and Zoey. Chase just needed to tell Zoey about his feelings, and everything would turn nice. I tried to talk Chase into that, but for no avail.

Chase explained that Zoey had turned grumpy when he offered to withdraw from his campaign. "She thinks that I must think of her as weak, if she needed my support for winning the elections."

I almost banged my head.

Chase sighed. "Michael told me that girls can be so treacherous. He had had a friend named Karen Franklin[[12]] who had told him on and on that she did not want a gift for her party. When Michael actually showed up without a gift, she was upset, and fled to Wisconsin! "

I coughed. "Wisconsin?"

Chase remarked that this was the dairy state.

I knew that, but: "Karen Franklin, that's the niece of my former principal, Ted Franklin [[13]] , and she lives in Seattle! She went there because her father found work over there. The thing with Wisconsin was a joke of hers!"

Chase was consternated. "You know her?"

I nodded solemnly. "Sure! We girls may be crazy from time to time, but Michael must have fallen for a misunderstanding."

Chase sighed with relief. "OK, I better tell Michael."

I nodded. "And while you're there, you should also tell Zoey that you can't live with the feeling of being Logan's marionetta. Dustin did not want to be one, either. Zoey will understand that."

Chase sighed bitterly.

I accompanied Chase to Zoey, and we told her that Chase could not bear being Logan's henchman, and his conscience forced him to retire.

Zoey swallowed this.

Chase and Zoey went to Jeremiah Trottman, announcing Chase's brilliant decision for the public.

This way, Chase had been able to avoid talking about his real feelings. But he was not going to bear this tension forever.

I hoped that he was going to release himself from this suspense before it was too late.

Needless to say, with Dustin and Chase having receded, Zoey and I, we won our respective elections by a landslide.

In addition, Michael was encouraged to take up his lost contact with Karen Franklin.

Karen was supposed to transfer to the Pacific Coast Academy by next fall.

And thitherfrom, there were no more unfair electorial campains at the Pacific Coast Academy, Logan's insane potential for bribery notwithstanding.

* * *

** Chapter 17. Halloween Party**

* * *

Halloween was coming to town.

Freddie, Sam, and I, we were thinking about how to go on a trick-or-treat-tour.

I wanted to dress as a ladybug. For that avail, I had asked Zoey to design me a bug costume, which she did voluntarily.

Freddie was going as a witch. He had got his costume from his mother.

Alas, I doubted strongly that he was very credible as a witch.

Neither Sam nor Freddie believed in a deeper sense of Halloween, though. They just wanted to get their candy.

I didn't believe directly in ghosts or vampires, or stuff like that, but sometimes I believed that there were more things between heaven and earth ... whatever. Halloween was essentially there for us to have fun with our friends, wasn't it?

The previous year, the Halloween party had been lame.

According to Dustin, the so-called haunted house, sort of a spooky mansion run by high-school kids for us younger ones, had been run by coffee-cart man Calvin.

But this year, Logan had promised unto us that we were going to slide through the worst horror of our life!

I giggled.

We entered the mansion already with the set of sun.

I saw Chase standing around, dressed as a mage, or that's what I supposed, and so did Freddie and Sam.

Alas, Chase insisted in being a vampire. He showed us his fake pointy fangs.

I chuckled. "Very impressive!"

Dustin and Jack were dressed in country outfit.

Gibby was dressed as a shirtless boy, oops, he was usually shirtless, and so damn proud of it, it almost hurt us.

Shelby was not there. She and Lola had to go to the funeral of a great aunt.

I breathed deeply. A few weeks ago, Lola had deceived Mr. Bender into being unable to contribute a locket to the time capsule, because the locket had belonged to grandma. But, really, Lola was too arrogant to contribute, because, like Amber, in a few decades, people would just watch her movies, their real contribution for the people of the next generation.

Missy was dressed as Darth Vader. She swang her laser sword viciously.

Melanie grinned, because she was dressed as a skeleton.

Halloween was, according to folklore, the time of the year when life and death were closer to each other than in summer, or spring, or winter. It must have had to do with the dying sunlight, days getting shorter, nights getting longer, and so on. Granted, not more, and not less, pupils died around Halloween than during the rest of the year, but it was a really scary coincidence.

We had left the entry room behind us, and we were crossing some room that had been baptised by Logan as the "tunnels of horror".

Granted, we knew that everything in there was fake, but we didn't trust the atmosphere.

All of a sudden, a flash of light appeared in our midst.

Freddie and Sam tried to explain it as some stupid trick.

Alas, I saw some traces of fear in Logan's eyes. Was he surprised by this phenomenon? He had totally lost his arrogant grin. I felt a lot less at ease. Was there something else going on in here, something that was not under Logan's control? Whether they were true ghosts, or some mischievous joke, that didn't matter. There are enough naturally scary things.

Freddie lost his cool when the flash appeared again, followed by some mysterious sound, a mixture between cackling and roaring.

Logan started trembling in agony.

Zoey Brooks, who, as I was going to learn a week later, had planned to fool Logan by feigning some accident, but given up on it, was still not convinced of Logan's innocence.

Suddenly, a creepy voice quoted a modified passage from Shakespeare's Macbeth.

* * *

.  
When shall we three meet again  
In lightening storm or rain?  
When the hurlyburly's done  
When the battle's lost or won  
That be ere the rise of sun.

* * *

By now, Sam was the only one left that had not lost his or her cool. She simply gnawed at one of the chicken wings which she had brought to the mansion. She did not want to suffer from hunger during the walk through the tunnels of horror.

A spiralling beam of light shot forth from the ground.

For a moment, the whole room was aglow.

There was a puff of smoke, materialising into a middle school girl I had seen her a few times on the campus, but without getting to know her for real.

Missy whispered unto me that her name was Malika.

I didn't care about the name, it was Malika's behaviour that gave me totally the creeps.

Logan was totally consternated.

Malika played with her finger tips.

Some sparks ensshrouded her hands, building a ball of energy.

Malika fired a bolt of lightening from her hands which missed Chase narrowly. "You're a fake mage! Get out of here!"

Chase trembled.

Zoey stepped in front of Chase, ready to defend him with her very own life.

"I'm not a mage," boomed Chase, with a voice that betrayed infinite fears. "I'm a vampire!" And, really, he would have loved to get out of there, but the panicking elementary school kids had jammed the exit. He decided to remove his masquerade. "Better?"

Malika took her diabolic eyes off Chase. She gazed at Freddie. "You dare to parodise a witch?"

I stepped in front of Freddie, in an attempt to protect him.

Sam tore Freddie's masquerade off, causing some pain.

Freddie screamed like a beast, but he was also aware of the possibility that Sam had saved his life.

Malika shook her head. "You are nothing but miserable imposters, devoid of magical powers." She shot another spark of energy aloft, strong enough to burn a hole into the ceiling.

I could see some of the stars.

Then again, Malika disappeared in a puff of smoke.

We were totally intimidated, and consternated. Thus we decided to leave the haunted house again, and to call it a spoiled Halloween party.

Alas, Malika had not only caused consternation and intimidation.

This was not for the better of mine.

The next day, I saw Dustin walking the campus.

He stumbled into Magic Malika. "Hi Mal!"

"Malika shrugged. 'Hi?'"

Dustin smiled. "I'm Dustin Brooks!"

Malika scratched her head. "Zoey's little brother?"

Dustin nodded. "I've seen your performance in the haunted mansion."

Malika shrugged. "OK, that was just a simple exercise."

Dustin smiled. "Cool!"

"Do you think so," wondered Malika.

Dustin nodded. "I want to learn this, too!"

My eyes bugged out when I saw Dustin jumping excitedly up and down.

Was he flirting with Malika, in order to learn her tricks? I fainted.

Malika said something to Dustin.

I threw up. Did Dustin have a crush on Malika?

A few days later, Dustin was back to normal.

Malika had turned him down, as he was too immature for witchcraft.

I sighed somewhat with relief, but did not think any further. In any case, I had learnt not to make any longer fun of witchcraft and death.

* * *

** Chapter 18. Melanie Dates Dustin**

* * *

Science lab classes were sometimes quite interesting, although I'm not a science freak, and I just tried to get my work done.

Unfortunately, there are always a few kids who think that only explosions and malodorous gases make school awesome.

I'm a bit ashamed that Sam, and, even much more, Melanie were among those pupils.

Mr. Gangrel, our teacher for science, was upset because Melanie nevers stuck to the instructions, but threw everything into the mix she could grab, hoping for something to blow up.

Unfortunately, her lab partner, Henry, was too weak to dissuade her from her insane plans.

For that avail, Mr. Gangrel decided to switch partners, assigning Dustin instead of Henry as Melanie's new partner.

Dustin was one the most responsible pupils of my classes, something I appreciated a lot, and so did our teachers.

Henry told Dustin that Melanie was insane, then he went to Jack, hitherto Dustin's partner.

Yet I didn't care too much about it, because I was totally busy trying to dissuade Sam from mixing a few chemicals she thought to result in some poison. I did not know that Sam watched chemistry channel secretly, as she wanted to brew a few venomous potions and one or two explosives, trumping Melanie who just randomly mixed everything in sight.

Alas, what happened during the next minutes, it flabbergasted me.

Melanie totally threw herself at Dustin, flirting the hell out of him. She had never been that recklessly seductive with any other boy, although I knew that she had pecked quite a few boys' lips already.

I watched Melanie with thorough distrust, and increasing disgust. I remembered that she had often enough tried to catch Dustin's attention, with various means, but I had never assigned too much significance to her attempts.

Dustin was totally surprised, and he appeared so helpless against Melanie's mean seductive tricks.

I was really angry, neglecting even Sam.

Hence it escaped from me that my lab partner mmixed a few even more strange chemicals.

Big break.

I was totally confused. Dustin wanted to appear cool, and flirting with Melanie was probably helping him to do so, but she abused him shamelessly. I had to do something about that, but what? I grabbed my cellular phone, and pushed the digits of Zoey's phone number. As Dustin's caring sister, she should have been worried, and do something about it.

Zoey choked when she heard the news from me, especially as she knew that Melanie was such a recklessly seductive bad girl with a very bad influence on Dustin.

Sam groaned. "What's up with my Frothy? He eats almost twice as much as usual!"

I shrugged, as I cared more about Dustin, rather than about Sam's cat.

Sam moaned because she had giving Frothy a whole tuna roll, and it was gone already.

Apparently, there was no vet at the Pacific Coast Academy, so Sam decided to take Frothy to Quinn, who might know about cats' diseases.

Chase passed by, and he sighed deeply.

I wondered why.

He explained that Zoey had forced him to try to dissuade Melanie from dating Dustin. He had been successful, but at the expense of turning himself into Melanie's "new boyfriend".

I knew that Chase only loved Loey, at least in that way, hence Melanie's thoughts were totally absurd. I tried , once more, to get Chase to fess up to Zoey, but he chickened out, as usual.

Chase was worried by something else: "Elvis is eating too much!"

I was flabbergasted, because the same thing happened to Frothy!

We went to Quinn.

The genius diagnosed that both Frothy and Elvis were perfectly healthy, and they did not eat too much.

Freddie and Quinn decided to attach a microchip with GPS, both to Frothy's and Elvis's tail. This way, they could monitor their actions.

Sam didn't feel well about it, but it was at least something.

I stumbled into Melanie's dorm. She was bickering with Missy, while Sandy had a hard time separating the roomies.

I was so mad at Melanie, I yelled into her face at the top of my lungs, making even Sandy tremble. I was sorry for that. "OK, Melanie, get it right, Chase will not date you."

"Jealous?" Melanie grinned mischievously.

I stomped my feet. I certainly was not jealous because of Chase, but I might have been jealous because of Dustin, earlier on, although I was far from being able to admit to that. "Forget it! I just know that Chase loves one girl that isn't you, and that he doesn't want to talk about. And, certainly, no boy will be happy with a girl that is aggresively seductive, and likely to switch boys faster than her undergarments!"

Melanie choked. "I do what?"

I was disgusted, but I had to do it. I gave Melanie a detailed account of her seductive activities since we had set foot on the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy.

Missy nodded with agreement. "And that's not nearly all!" She added more to it.

Melanie was consternated. "Have I really done all that?"

Missy and I, we nodded solemnly.

Against our expectations, Melanie was very much touched by this. She sobbed piteously. She decided to go to Zoey, and repent for everything.

I sighed with relief, and I returned to my dorm.

Back at my dorm, I saw Shelby, Sam, and Freddie bowing over his laptop.

Freddie explained what the GPS chip did. "And if I activite the micro webcam in Frothy's tail, using ..."

Sam didn't need to wait for Freddie to finish his words, she hit the right key. How did she know that it was the correct button?

Shelby grinned. "Frothy, Elvis, and ..."

I stepped up to them. "It's a badger, no, something similar, it's a ... skunk!"

"Sam is a skunk," said Freddie.

Sam turned angry.

Apparently, Frothy and Elvis had found a skunk that was lost on the campus, and they fed and cheered it up.

Sam was flabbergasted. "Wow! I'd never imagined Frothy to do something like that."

Melanie had actually started keeping her promises.

Zoey forgave her, and she was, in turn, ready to help Melanie to get rid of the family curse that rested on the Pucketts since who-knows-how-many generations.

Sam, in turn, was now even more disgusted by Melanie, envying her for her resolutions. She repeatedly accused her twin sister of being a traitor who broke deliberatly with good old family traditions..

Frothy and Elvis cared for the skunk during the following weeks, until the poor thing was able to find its way back to the wilderness where it belonged to.

Alas, I still was worried by my possible feelings for Dustin.

The following months were going to shed some more light on that topic.

* * *

** Chapter 19. Web Show**

* * *

Chase and Michael had run their own web show , for a few weeks.

Alas, there were not many viewers.

Logan criticised their show brashly, and, although I would never say it in such a manner, Logan was probably right.

I sighed bitterly. How could Chase and Michael do something that suckish?

But the worst critics were the redactors of _Daily Stingray_, the school's newspaper, named thusly for the heraldic beast of the Pacific Coast Academy.

Responsible for the harshest written criticism was apparently one Wendy, the responsible for the column _Rumours and Chitchat_. Wendy tore Chase and Michael into tiny smithereens.

I pitied Chase, because he deserved so much better than turning into the laughingstock of Wendy's disgusting column, and, thereupon, the whole school.

Chase was desperate. "Only seven viewers. And Wendy's words ..."

I sighed. "Maybe you do something fundamentally wrong with your show?"

Chase shrugged. "Probably, but what?"

I sighed. "I've got some ideas. I'd try to be funny, informative, and cheesy at the same time."

Chase shrugged. "If you can do that, you should make your own show. But then you would get bashed by that Wendy."

I nodded. "I might try to do something, and if I succeed more than the two of you ..."

Chase grinned. "Sounds like a bet ..."

I grinned. "What are the stakes?"

Chase grinned. "A smoothie for all?"

I nodded solemnly, and I beat Chase's palms with mine.

I met Freddie and Sam.

Freddie wondered who had been Chase's and Michael's tech producer.

I remebered that they didn't have any. "They just sit in frontof the webcam, and do some stupid stuff, or so."

Freddie grunted. "That's what they call a web show? It's such a no-no. A web cam is a sensitive instrument, it needs some dedicated pro."

"Such as Freddork," remarked Sam, making him pout.

"Would you do that?" I begged Freddie.

"For a kiss," replied Freddie.

I shook my head.

Freddie pouted. "OK, but if you help me with my history assignments ..."

I nodded. "Cool!"

Sam grunted. "But lame content won't help you any further, regardless of good technology."

I asked Sam to be my co-moderator.

Sam grunted, as this meant quite some work, but then she agreed/

We had got only two weeks to prepare a web show with more viewers than Chase's and Michael's.

We had to think about some interesting content.

Shelby offered to break a few oken planks with her bare hands, in front of the running webcam.

I nodded. "That would cool!"

Sam and I, we also wanted to get other pupils to demonstrate their gifts.

Sam had been particularly impressed by some Taryn Davis, a sophomore who was able to blow her trumpet while jumping on a pogo stick[[14]].

Freddie wanted to get some pupils of the tech club to demonstrate some experiment, but I deemed that too risky for a first show.

For the same reason, I decided to postpone Gibby's shirtless skits.

Dustin offered to say some random sentences backwards. He had been in the National Spelling Bee, where he had met some guy[[15]]

who did that trick, and he had thereupon started practising that, too.

I chuckled. "Sure!" I loved Speller Bees, but did not yet get as far as Dustin. I would have liked to make some short movie, but this would have been better for a later episode, either. So I wrote a few skits that I could perform with Sam.

Freddie counted. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I was totally excited. "I'm Carly!"

Sam grunted: "I'm Sam!"

We repeated that quite a few times, then we moved on to serious stuff.

I announced Shelby. "She's going to break seven oaken planks in one swipe, just using her hands!"

She stumbled in. "Oh, hi! Yeah, that's what I'm going to do! Sam, the boards!"

Sam placed the wooden logs above two brick stones which supported them.

Shelby released an impressing _Kiai_, before her palms cut their way through the wooden planks, like a hot knife through a lump of butter.

Missy and Gibby, who watched us from the door frame, giggled noisily, and then they applauded, and so did Freddie.

My subsequent skits with Sam were cool.

Dustin's reverse spelling bee was impressive.

But what I loved most, it was Taryn Davis on her pogo stick, playing the national anthem.

Shirtless Gibby smiled, and sang along.

Finally, the show had come to an end.

We asked the viewers to submit clips that we were going to present in later editions of our show. We were waiting, all excited, for the first viewers' reactions.

Freddie had opened a SplashFace account for that avail. He started reading. "Kenny Keller, son of Coach Keller, writes: Shelby, you were really impressive for a girl. I'm an aspiring karate fighter as well. Maybe I can do better. Want to see?"

Shelby held her thumbs up. "Challenge is accepted!"

Freddie mentioned Michael Barret's reation. "Wow! Unlike us, you're real professionals. And Taryn, I may play the transversal flute, and fumble at the same time with clacker balls. Maybe we should perform together?"

Even Wendy had submitted something. We were going to hear about it in detail in the next edition of Daily Stingray, but for the moment, it was not bad. "A great start, unlike the lame attempts of Michael and Chase. Dustin was really cool!"

Dustin beamed.

I high-fived with Freddie and Sam.

Wendy's detailed review in the next _Daily Stingray_was fantastic. She wanted the show to become a regular event on the campus of the PCA.

Dustin was still impressed by Wendy's words. He took his cellular phone, and he typed Wendy's number, requesting a date.

I had a hard time controlling my unconfessed jealousy.

Chase sighed bitterly. "You've won by a landslide. Congratulations!"

I smiled. "OK, time for a smoothie."

Chase nodded.

I told Chase that he was also welcome to submit something. "We will gladly show your toons. Maybe some site like Toon Juice will get interested?" I chuckled, as I was not yet sure whether we were going to be that popular even outside the campus of our school.

But future was going to teach us that we were!

Chase agreed. "OK, that would be great!"

A few days later, Freddie told me that he had ordered a small device that was going to allow me, or Sam, to trigger some artificial applause, as we knew it from sitcoms.

We had a hard time sifting through all the submissions, but it was a lot of fun, too.

I sighed with relief when I heard that Wendy had turned Dustin down on site, he was too serious for her taste, but I also pitied him. Still, I refused to admit my jealousy.

Quinn offered us her latest invention, a so-called green screen, which allowed Freddie to place us virtually in front of some arbitrary background.

Lola wanted to appear in our show, but only when we were seen by many viewers outside the campus. OK, she was an aspiring Hollywood actress, doing everything to become popular.

Spencer and Socko were also enthusiastic. They had missed out on our original run, but they had downloaded the excerpts that Freddie had put online.

In any case, running a show like iCarly, as we named it thitherfrom, involved not only the chance for popularity, but it also implied a great responsibility.

We did not yet know whether we were up to that task, but we were determined to grow with it.

* * *

** Chapter 20. Rooftop**

* * *

Contageous diseases, especially those typical for children, used to spread like wildfire on the campus of a boarding school, such as ours.

They tried to quarantine us in the infirmary, but this did not always work out.

In addition, many kids refused to go to the nurse's station, as the nurse was known to be a gross tomboy, way worse than what I imagined Sam to become upon growing up.

Fortunately, Dean Rivers had successfully ordered another nurse for the kids of the elementary- and middle school's classes, her name was Shannon.

Unlike the chief nurse, Shannon was really kind and caring.

This caused even a few pupils to simulate an illness!

Alas, Dustin was really sick. He had contracted the chicken pox.

Needless to say, I really pitied him.

Sam, on the other hand, just made stupid remarks.

Fortunately, I had already got the chicken pox at the age of eight, or so told me Spencer when I called him right on site. For that reason, I was allowed to visit the poor sweetie in the infirmary.

Sam and Freddie had not yet been exposed to that illness.

That day, I received a parcel from Spencer, containing a lotion that helped against the chicken pox. I was looking forward to treating Dustin with it. Entering the infirmary, I saw Zoey, sitting at Dustin's bed. "Hi!"

Dustin and Zoey grinned.

I showed them the lotion. "It's from Socko and Spencer. It removes the itching."

Dustin smiled.

Zoey nodded. "My grandma used the same against various skin diseases. Do you want to help me to rub Dustin with it?"

I blushed deeply.

Fortunately, Zoey just expected me to hold his shirt, while she was applying the soothing liquid.

Dustin moaned with glee when the effect of the lotion kicked in, soothing his itching skin.

Zoey told me that Logan was really mean. "He told the high-school girls to get off the boys' roof. It's the last place where boys remain among themselves!"

I shuddered with disgust. "Aren't they among themselves all night long?"

Dustin chuckled.

Zoey nodded. "But for Logan, that's not enough. And he got Chase to chime in. Chase was really rude to Lola when she took a sun bath on their roof. You know, our roof isn't that sunny, and there are trees with squirrels."

I was flabbergasted. "That's really sick. Logan must have poisoned Chase's brain."

Zoey agreed, while she finished rubbing Dustin. "OK, you may turn around in twenty minutes.".

Dustin moaned.

The door opened, and Shannon dragged in yet another chicken poxter.

It was Amber Tate, the arrogant diva. "I want a sunny place! That one!"

Unfortunately, Dustin was already in Amber's favourite bed.

Zoey made it clear that Dustin was not going to budge, just because Amber was a future movie star.

Amber grudged. She was up to no good.

Zoey had to move on. "OK, I need to meet Quinn and Lola, we need to do something about the boys' arrogance!"

I nodded. "See you, Dustin!" I waved, and followed Zoey, because I wanted to do something against the excesses of Logan's stupor, as well.

Freddie counted the seconds. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

Sam and I, we introduced ourselves again, as we expected many new viewers, especially upon Wendy's review.

I announced today's topic: "The boys of Maxwell Hall have got that wonderful, clean, and sunny rooftop!"

Freddie projected a picture of the roof onto the green screen.

Sam and I, we simulated relaxing in the sun chairs that were placed on top of the roof.

Then I presented the rooftop of Brenner Hall, where Zoey and her gang was stationed. "It's shadowy, ugly ..."

"It stinks," remarked Sam.

I nodded. "Down to the efforts of Quinn Pensky, one of our freshmen friends, we have installed a live chat cam system. We are now connected to one of the greatest artists of Seattle, my brother Spencer, and his pal Socko, who happens to be Quinn's brother. Hi guys!"

Spencer and Socko appeared on the green screen.

I smiled. "OK, bro , Socko, what do you have to say?"

Spencer and Socko expressed that it was scandalous. But, as artists, they knew to do something: They had prepared some sketches, showing how to restructure the girls' rooftop into something fantastic. They might not do so immediately, and they will need the help of one Harry Joyner[[16]] , America's greatest pop artist of all times, but, eventually, they would do it.

Sam triggered the artificial applause.

I explained that we still needed the help of our fellow pupils to clean the roof of Brenner Hall, before the artists could restructure it appropriately. "Thanks for listening! Now we show you a few video clips submitted by various viewers. My sick comrade Dustin, you may remember him from a former episode, has sent us greetings from hospital."

Freddie launched the clip.

Dustin was there, with nurse Shannon in the background. He smiled. "Chicken Pox!"

I grinned. "Apparently, life in the infirmary is now less horrible than it used to be." Alas, what did I have to see? Amber snuck into the picture, flirting with Dustin? That was so sick! I was totally jealous, and so close to losing my cool over that. Apparently, Amber did not only loathe Zoey for denying her the sunny bed, she also wanted to make herself seen in the show. Actually, it seemed that Amber and Dustin had traded beds. Grrrrrrr!

Logan, along with many other boys, almost exploded for envy. He would have liked the boys' rooftop to receive a visual upgrade, following the plans that Spencer and Socko had made for the girls' rooftop.

Chase told me that he had promised to help the others clean the girls' roof. "Do you think that Zoey will allow us to use their rooftop once Spencer has updated it?"

I shrugged. "Maybe ... she would certainly do so, if she knew that you ..."

Chase grunted. He did not want me to continue stating the obvious.

Finally, Dustin was released from the infirmary.

It wasn't as bad as I thought.

Dustin knew very well that a girl like Amber was out of his league, and she was going to trash him upon the next best occasion, just as Melanie had done.

Amber was out for fame and glory, and she was ready to flirt her way up to the top, rigorously at any cost.

Still, I didn't fess up. I preferred looking forward to the reformed rooftop.

Oh, by the way, many high-school boys started now feigning one or the other illness, just in order to get treated by Shannon, but she was only responsible for the middle- and elementary school kids. The older students were still subject to being treated by the furious old dragon ...

* * *

** Chapter 21. Tech Freaks**

* * *

That year, the Pacific Coast Academy had got a club for robot science and technology.

Usually, I would have thought that Freddie was like predestinated to join the club.

Alas, he refused to do so, as soon as he heard who was the boss of that club: "Firewire!"

I didn't have any other question left to ask. Firewire had helped Logan with the webcam when he spied on Zoey's lounge, and he had manipulated the assignments for the school dance on the behalf of Glen Davis.

Freddie had got one more reason: "Firewire does not want girls to join. But Quinn is a friend, so I refuse to work with him. Finally, my mother says that it's too dangerous."

I applauded Freddie.

Sam grunted. "Building robots is only for freaks."

I doubted that Sam meant what she said. She probably knew a lot more about technology than she used to admit. She was very interested when it came down to brewing poisons and explosives, for example. "What sort of robots are they building, anyways?"

Freddie explained that the club was involved in the war robot league.

I deemed this really violent, and I understood the objections of Mrs. Benson.

Sam, on the other hand, did not say anything, but she just grumbled silently, and walked away, ready to fetch more snacks.

We were going to watch a few submissions for the web show.

The next day, I met Chase.

He told me that Zoey had been fed up by Firewire's arrogance. "Zoey and I, and Lola, Nicole, Michael, and Logan, we make our own robot team, challenging Firewire."

I smiled. "Cool! You know how to do that?"

Chase shook his head. "Quinn should have done so. But Logan called her a spaz, now she's insulted."

I shrugged. "Typical Logan. But what are you doing now?"

Chase choked. "I've suggested to hire Miles Brody, some nerd who dwells in some hidden angle of the main library, you know, the place with those books ..."

I chuckled. "Cool!"

Chase said that Brody wanted a date with Nicole. "But he's absolutely not cute, and Nicole is only obsessed with cute boys ..."

I sighed. "It's really unfair to request that from Nicole. I'm going to dissuade Zoey from doing so."

Chase nodded, moaning with despair.

Sam had insisted in us showing the robot duel between Zoey's team and Firewire's official warbot team in iCarly.

As of then, I did not think that this made any sense, a real war robot against a remote-controlled toy car for ten bucks, as that was the only thing that, given that both Quinn and Miley had dropped out, Zoey had been able to come up with.

Freddie counted down. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I was sad when I made the announce. "Today, we are witnesses of a duel between two battle robot teams. The champion is: Team Firewire!" I shuddered with disgust.

Firewire, along with his pals Neil and Andrew, grinned sadistically.

I sighed with despair. "... and Team Zoey!"

The live audience laughed when they saw the matchbox car.

Neil, Andrew, and Firewire laughed even more.

The umpire was one of our teachers for physics.

Dustin was even weeping when he saw that his sister was most likely going to get more humiliated than any pupil had ever experienced at this school.

Freddie interviewed Zoey, trying to squeeze something about the technical details out of her.

Alas, Zoey wasn't a tech freak, she couldn't have given an appropriate answer even if they had come up with a real battle robot. "Well, it's a run-out-of-the-mill toy car, with a little battery, and ..." She fumbled with the remote control. "That damn' thing doesn't do what I want it to do." She shrugged helplessly.

The laughter increased.

Freddie did not want to interview Firewire, but the freak forced himself to the microphone.

Firewire explained a few details about his engine of war, boasting worse than Freddie did, at least sometimes.

The viewers applauded with awe.

As everything had been said, our teacher had no reason to procrastinate the start of the battle any longer. "May the better one of you win!"

Most of the pupils of the school laughed insanely.

Zoey and Firewire fumbled with their remote control.

Firewire and his pals grinned triumphantly.

But what was that?

Smoke billowed forth from one of the seams in the chassis of Firewire's machine.

Firewire, Neil, and Andrew glared at each other.

Alas, the development of smoke turned even worse, regardless of Firewire's feable attempts.

Finally, the mighty warbot set itself ablaze.

I gave Sam the fire extinguisher, requesting her to do something.

Sam shrugged. "OK!" She took the extinguisher, and she beat away at the war robot, trying to kill the flames this way.

I would have banged my head against the walls, but it was an open air event.

Firewire extinguished the burning machine with a blanket, putting an end to the fire.

Sam whistled innocently.

Apparently, Zoey's team had won.

Firewire, Neil, and Andrew accused each other of having failed.

Sam giggled, but then she fessed up. "OK," announced Sam, holding aloft a curved needle. "With this wire, I hacked the door to Fireweirdo's shop, opened the chassis, and fumbled a bit with the internals. This lead to short circuiting the whole machine, as soon as the remote control was fully activated."

The masses laughed like crazy.

Neil and Andrew grunted. "Wayne, it was your task to check the robot right this morning ..."

"Firewire," grunted Wayne Gilbert, "my name is Firewire!"

Sam had apparently been able to manipulate the robot in a manner that escaped from Firewire's professional glance.

Neil and Andrew decided that Firewire was apparently unable to be the captain of the robot club. "Sam, you are apparently a real tech whiz. Don't you want to join us?" They giggled.

Firewire was upset.

Sam shook her head. "I don't want to be in a club for losers!"

I giggled mercilessly.

At the same time, Freddie felt his eyes bugging out. Sam was such a technological genius, he would never have guessed that. He snuck slowly up to Sam. "Samantha, do you want to come to the sushi bar with me? We could talk about machines and robots, over a sushi roll, and maybe even watch a movie or two."

Sam grumbled. She span around, grabbed Freddie, glaring grimly at him. But then she pulled him into a lingering kiss. "Sure, Sweetward!"

The onlookers froze in awe.

Alas, Neil and Andrew had to decide on a successor for Firewire as the boss of their club. They decided, out of despair, for a new pupil who had just joined the school, and applied for the club. "Our new captain is Shane[[17]] !"

I sighed. "Yet another nerd face, as if there hadn't been already enough of them at the PCA: Firewire, Miles Brody, ... "

Alas, Shane wasn't really a nerdface, he looked totally hot! He started saying a few words. "OK, I'm ready to lead this club, but there will be a few new rules!"

Andrew and Neil shrugged. "What rules?"

Shane insisted in girls being allowed to the club.

Neil and Andrew moaned, but they conceded.

Shane insisted in particluar in the admission of Quinn Pensky.

Quinn was flabbergasted, for she had never thought that she was ever going to see that day. She thanked Shane.

Shane smiled. "OK, and no more war robots!"

Quinn sighed with relief, as she had never been at ease with too much violence. "Maybe something useful, like a magnetostatic flux generator?"

Neil and Andrew had no clue what Quinn was talking about.

Shane smiled. "That would be great! I think we should talk about this at the smoothie booth, and then we may start building one. It can't be hard if we join our skills."

Quinn beamed, and she gave Shane a peck kiss. "Oops!" She felt sorry.

Shane wrapped an arm around Quinn. "You don't have to be!"

The two of them walked away, hand in hand, talking about Maxwell's equations, the theoretical foundations of the physics of electricity and magnetism.

I sighed. "You may present the magma-storing fudge generator after you're done, right in my web show," I yelled after them.

Freddie and Sam being a couple made me feel like the third wheel of a bicycle, but the show had to go on.

* * *

** Chapter 22. I Heart Dustin**

* * *

I walked the campus park, seeing Chase.

He glared at flowers.

I scratched my head. "You wonder which of them to give Zoey?"

He shook his head. "Zoey made me Lola's tutor for biology. It's about the flowers and the bees, and stuff." He was nervous.

"Cool!" I grinned.

Chase sighed. "But Lola wants me to date her."

I protested. "But you love Zoey!"

He sighed. "Lola has even asked Zoey, and it got granted."

I groaned. "But, you know, nothing like that would happen if you finally ..."

Chase stuffed his ears.

I moaned, but I had to leave Chase alone. Chase and Lola, that could only go so wrong. What was he sliding into? But, honestly, maybe I was not all that much better, was I?

I wasn't at ease, feeling like an intruder in Freddie's and Sam's young life as a couple. I also knew that Shelby was about dating Kenny Keller on a regular base. So I walked around even more, feeling like an old spinster beyond any hope, and that at the age of eleven. I met Missy in her room. "Where are Melanie? or Sandy?"

Missy told me that Melanie had a session over at the school shrink. "Sandy, well, that might hurt you."

I scratche my head. "Why would Sandy want to hurt me?"

Missy chuckled. "Haven't you read Wendy's latest column in the _Daily Stingray?_"

I shook my head.

Missy explained that, after having been turned down by Wendy, Dustin asked Logan to show him how to become cool, and to impress the girls. "Logan wants to teach him in the ways of a womaniser, and he arranged a double date, using the _Daily Stingray_."

I blushed. "Dustin and Logan in a double date?"

Missy nodded. But she also noticed by shade of mauve. "Logan and Dustin are dating Sandy and her elder sister Tracy. But why does this cause you some discomfort?"

I sighed, but I was too excited to answer. "Dunno. Sandy certainly deserves Dustin." I shrugged.

Missy glared at me. "That's possible, but I see that you might feel too much for Dustin to accept that."

I blushed even more. "Dustin and me? What do you mean?" I couldn't help stammering, proving Missy right.

Missy nodded. "I so knew it."

I coughed. "Did you notice anything before?"

Missy nodded. "Basically, since our first weeks at this school. Dustin may not be tall and hot, as you would officially like your boys to be, but he respects you like no other boy here, and you do care for each other, and share many things."

I sighed bitterly. Missy was so right. And now it was probably too late.

Missy told me to go back to my room. "I'm going to talk to Sandy, as soon as she shows up again. She won't want to be in your way, if she knows that you're serious about Dustin."

I sighed, and returned to my room. I thanked Missy was still one great friend.

Shelby and Sam were still out with Freddie and Kenneth, respectively.

There were sounds at my door.

I opened the door, seeing Sandy Baldwin. "Hi?"

Sandy sighed. "OK, Missy told me about you and Dustin. But he needs to know it from you."

I sobbed. I had been pushing Chase over and over towards fessing up unto Zoey, but I had been the same procrastinator when it came down to Dustin.

Sandy offered to accompany me to Dustin, but only the next day, as it was already past curfew.

I nodded solemnly.

Sandy told me about the double date. "Logan told Dustin to treat girls arrogantly. Dustin figured that this was not the right way, as girls deserved more respect. Logan refused to believe Dustin, because he was more successful. Apparently he couldn't convince my sis. She pushed him right into the fountain."

I started laughing in an uttermost hysterical manner. "That serves that jerk oh-so-well!"

Sandy nodded, and giggled. "OK, see you tomorrow!"

I thanked Sandy, and I started to sleep.

Next morning, I made it to Dustin's lounge, accompanied by Sandy. I saw Dustin and Gibby coming along.

Dustin was a bit perplexed, as he had not expected Sandy that early.

"Dustin," stuttered Sandy, "I have to tell you something. I still think that you're totally likable, but Carly has come to that conclusion much earlier."

Dustin was flabbergasted.

I blushed.

"Carly?" Dustin coughed. "Is that true?"

I nodded solemnly. "You know, I've been looking for tall and hot guys, but they have all been so disappointing, and unable to respect girls. But you are totally different, that's why ..." I blushed even more.

Dustin blushed back. "I've always thought you'd just ignore me, although I've really liked you."

Sandy pushed me slightly into Dustin's direction.

Although I was about a foot taller than Dustin, I managed to huggle the hell out of him.

Dustin purred with glee.

Sandy sighed.

Gibby moaned in awe.

I suggested a double date: I went with Dustin, and Sandy with Gibby.

Gibby bounced around, and snuggled up to Sandy.

They were such a cute couple!

Back from dinner, we met Chase.

Chase seemed to be a bit confused.

I sighed, and sent Dustin, Gibby, and Sandy into the lounge. "See you there in a bit!" I waved at them.

Chase moaned.

"So, how was your date with Lola," wondered I.

Chase sobbed. "She had noticed that I wasn't really interested in dating her."

I wonderd whether he had told her about his feelings for Zoey.

Chase shook his head. "I told her about a girl back in my hometown. Lola swallowed that."

I shrugged. "Is there such a girl?" I was a bit confused.

"Somehow," answered Chase. "There's that girl my mother wants me to date, her name is Rebecca. But you know that I can't be really interested in her."

I nodded. "OK, this time, you got away with that. But for future reference ..."

Chase stuffed his ears once more.

I shrugged.

Lola's interest in Chase turned out as a fake.

The future actress had just been honing her skills. Lola was often going to play a girl that was in love with a boy who was played by some dweeb, or worse, and she needed to learn acting appropriately.

It hurt me a lot that it was Amber Tate who informed me about Lola's fake game.

She did that out of mere envy, as a fellow actress.

I refrained from telling Chase that he had been abused by Lola, as he was already dazed enough.

Zoey, on the other hand, welcomed me into the family, although she thought that Dustin was still too young, and she imposed upon us a long list of rules.

Alas, I thought that it was OK.

Both Dustin and I, we had learnt enough from our recent mistakes to take it slow, but we were still growing together, more and more with each new day to come.

* * *

** Chapter 23. The Statue**

* * *

Spring break was around the corner.

Malcolm Reese had invited Zoey, Lola, Quinn, Nicole, Chase, Logan, Michael, and Dustin to his summer residence in Santa Barbara. He had insisted in exactly four boys, and four girls.

I was sad that I was not going to spend spring break with Dustin, but I speculated that Malcolm was going to make a movie with the kids, so I was soon going to get to see Dustin, his sister, and her friends on TV. I was really excited.

Originally, we had intended to return to Seattle for the break, but bear with it: Spencer had announced that he was coming!

The statue of Mr. Bradford Sr. was finally due.

Spencer had made several wax figurines in the likeness of the statue, and he had submitted a plan, including detailed requests for materials, and how much they costed.

Mr. Bradford had taken his time to approve of everything, and Spencer had been busy with other projects, but now it was due!

Not only Spencer, but also Freddie's mother was coming for a visit. Poor Mrs. Benson did not know that Freddie was dating Sam. If she had known, she would have screamed for god's help, as the Puckett family had really given her the creeps.

Freddie and Sam wondered whether they should pretend to be at each other's throat, just as usual.

I discouraged them from lying to their mother, but Sam insisted in doing so. My feelings about that were really mixed.

Spencer and Mrs. Benson arrived just as Mr. Reese's limousine had passed the corner on its way out.

Spencer would have liked to talk to Dustin, but it was too late.

Alas, Dustin's return was scheduled slightly before Spencer's departure ...

I hugged the hell out of Spencer.

Besides the statues, he had brought a few gifts for us kids.

I liked my lava lamp.

Freddie obtained a new bag for his laptop, while Sam received a large piece of Canadian ham.

Marissa Benson inspected carefully the campus and the dorms. "Is there anything sharp? Pointy? Hot? Toxic?"

Dean Rivers confirmed that everything was here that Spencer needed.

Of course, we kids were allowed to do a few auxiliary jobs, such as mixing various concretes - except Freddie, as Marissa didn't trust that those tasks were harmless.

Spencer told me a few rules for dating Dustin. Apparently, he was as worried as Zoey.

I shrugged. Why did they all suspect us kids to do the worst whenever they didn't watch? Stupid elder siblings!

I was also upset by Sam's bickering attacks on Melanie, they were really tasteless, because Melanie, under the influence of Zoey, had give up on bickering back.

Sam threaten repeatedly to mutilate the sttue, as if she weren't afraid of Mr. Bradford's wrath.

Freddie pouted and yelled at Sam whenever that occurred.

Later, I came to know that it was just part of a perfect _farce_, inscenated by Freddie and Sam, just in order to fool Freddie's mother.

Alas, as soon as I noticed it, I was tempted to fall through the clouds laughing, but I barely controlled my self, as I would have blown their cover.

I also came to know that it was Lola's and Amber's idea.

I was annoyed by Amber, and also a bit by Lola, but Freddie and Sam considered them as cool, and they were stern fans of[B them.

Whatever, the statue progressed fast during the few days of Spring break.

Unfortunately, I received a call from Michael Barret. Chase had unwittingly sent an SMS to Zoey, saying that he can't tell her about his feelings, because she might be upset by them. Thereupon, Chase tried to grab Zoey's phone, just in order to delete the message, and Zoey turned really upset. I almost cringed. Can't those high-school kids ever get their emotions sorted out? I also heard that Dustin had drank from Quinn's latest invention, some power drink, and he was now unexhaustable. And I knew that the whole purpose of their trip to Santa Barbara was a new game show, _Gender Defenders_. This explained Malcolm having insisted in choosing four boys and four girls, not more and not less. The winners were going to be seen in the pilot of the show, which made me very excited.

Spencer was done with the base outline of the statue. He made it clar that he was going to come back on and off during this spring, as there were many rough edges to be polished and lacquerred.

Dean Rivers and custodian Banville built a fence around the statue, with barbed wire, and the statue itself was covered under a thick blanket.

Mrs. Benson protested against the barbed wire, as Freddie was likely to hurt himself.

Dean Rivers agreed, and the barbed wire was replaced with a much higher oaken wall.

Finally, the kids from Santa Barbara were about to arrive, once more in a limousine.

Shelby came back from her boxing fight, too.

Gibby had been home in Seattle, probably in order to get new shirts that he was going to remove on the campus, anyways.

* * *

** Chapter 24. Spring Fess-Up**

* * *

Chaunsee, the butler of Malcolm Reese, made a great impression on Marissa Benson when he guided the kids out of the limousine. He was so tidy and hypercorrect.

I wanted to know who had won.

It turned out that the girls had won, because Chase had slipped, but the whole contest was shown on TV, hence both boys and girls.

Quinn grinned when she wired the plasma screen, so we could watch the broadcast of _Gender Defenders_ in our lounge.

Dustin was really hyper, down to Quinn's drink, Frazz.

This impressed Spencer an insane lot.

_Gender Defenders_ was really entertaining, and I laughed alot.

While we were watching, Dustin, who was so much smaller, whirled me around in his arms, as he was still under the influence of Frazz.

That was so cool!

I noticed that Chase must really have lost on purpose. I had to get at the bottom of that. He had probably shown terrible remorses I needed to do something about that.

The pilot of the best game show ever had come to an end.

Dustin insisted in carrying me across the campus.

Fortunately, Spencer followed us, as he was thus able to intervene when the impact of Frazz expired, and Dustin threatened to break down. Now Spencer took the dwarf, and carried him in his arms to Zoey.

I used the occasion in order to look after Chase.

He admitted that he had committed loads of crap during the vacations, and he had lost on purpose, his remorses having grown unbearable. "Zoey was so upset."

I grunted. "You know what you really should do, don't you?"

He was, once more, evasive. "Maybe I should use Rebecca, in order to make Zoey jealous?"

I stomped my feet, totally angry. "How could you dare to?"

He tried to stuff his ears, and he ran away.

Now time was right for some ancient trick.

I grabbed a squirting can, filled it with water from the fountain, and sought out Chase. "Go to Zoey, and tell her," I commanded vigorously. I took the can, and I squirted Chase's face. This used to work very well with Spencer, and it worked quite well with Chase, too.

Chase squealed. "What's that?" A few seconds later, he moaned. "OK, I'm going to send her an SMS."

I shook my head. "Not an SMS, you're going to Zoey, in person, and tell her straight away."

Chase stuffed his ears.

I had to squirt his face, once again.

Freddie and Sam watched us from afar, and they laughed. Apparently, they had come to know that Chase was evasive when it came down to his crush on Zoey.

Freddie told me that everyone seems to know about it, barring Zoey. "Wendy wrote about it on and off in her column about rumours and chitchat. Chase and Zoey are such an issue, among all grades on the campus. It keeps the sales numbers of the _Daily Stingray_ up and running."

"Do you want Zoey to hear it from you, or to read it in Wendy's columns?"

Chase groaned and grunted, but he gave in.

Alas, I had to accompany him, which I would have done anyways, as I wanted to look after Dustin.

We entered 101 Brenner Hall.

Spencer had helped Zoey to lay Dustin into one of the beds.

Nicole was blathering about the insane amount of cute boys that were now going to admire her, having seen her on TV.

Lola swooned, because she thought that her appearance in _Gender Defenders_ was going to be her great break-though, a mile stone on her way to harvesting her first Oscar while still a teenager.

Zoey argued with Quinn, because the science freak girl had left the results of her experiments unsupervised, turning Dustin into a little power monster.

I breathed deeply. "Zoey, Chase has something to tell you, right now!"

Chase's heart beat at quadruple speed.

I took care of Dustin. He was so especially cute when he slept like a sweet, little angel. Awwwww! I swooned excessively.

Chase would have run away, but Nicole, Lola, Quinn, Spencer, and also Michael, whom I had called for reinforcement, were in his way. "OK, Zoey, there's something I've always wanted to tell you, should have told you ..."

Zoey grumbled. "Oh, something that bad?"

Chase shook his head. "I just didn't have the guts to do it. I accidentally wrote it in the SMS that I intended to send to Michael, but, unwittingly, sent to you, it is ..."

Nicole and Lola poked Chase, because he appeared to stammer.

"Tell her," commanded Michael.

Chase sighed. "Zoey, I've been in love with you, from the first moment I've seen you on the campus, even before I hit the flag post ..."

Zoey's heart appeared to stand still.

Michael patted Chase's shoulders. "See, it wasn't that hard, was it?"

"Hah! I knew it," squealed Nicole, "I always knew it!"

Chase blushed almost to death.

In this moment, Dustin woke up. He was still dazed. "Where am I?"

I calmed Dustin down. "You're safe in Zoey's room. I think you need some more sleep, after your exhaustion ..."

Dustin stammered: "I've dreamt that Chase was asking Zoey to marry him."

Zoey blushed deeply. "Er ... maybe ... but ... OK, let's give it a try!" She walked up to Chase, and she threw her arms around him. "We may flunk our chance, but, in twenty years or so, it will still be better than never having given us a chance." She sighed awfully.

Spencer was deeply touched.

Nicole bounced around cheerfully.

Quinn told something about statistics of young couples.

Zoey moaned. "In my video for the time capsule, I talked about you. I feared that we might be lovers for a few months, and then break up, and turn into bickering ex-lovers, or some old couple that stays together for convenience. I would have preferred to stay friends forever, instead. But now I know that there's no warrant for either. I'd hate the first scenario, but I'd also hate it waking up some day and mourning about having missed out on some cool bushhead." She tightened her grip around Chase.

Spencer grinned. "Are they now officially dating?"

I nodded solemnly. "Looks like that."

Michael congratualated Chase, while Nicole and Lola congratulated Zoey.

I hugged Dustin back asleep.

Spring breaks could be so exciting!

* * *

** Chapter 25. Sushi Rox**

* * *

Our Japanese pub, run by Kazu, was the most popular meeting spot for Dustin's sister and her friends.

They liked to hang out there until past our curfew.

For that reason, I was not a witness of one tragic accident that occurred that spring. Only when I woke up in the morning did I notice what must have been the consequences of some misunderstanding or carelessness, whatever the older kids wanted to call it: I saw clouds of smoke and dust where there must have been Sushi Rox. I was deeply disappointed. How did that happen? What caused the pub to burn down to its walls?

Chase and his friends only gave us tweenies some evasive answers, and poor excuses.

Poor Kazu did not even have an insurance. He was now left deep in the debts. Hence he was forced to leave California, and to return to Alabama.

This meant the end of Sushi Rox.

Of course, we were not happy about that.

Zoey felt obligated to get the sum, and rebuild Sushi Rox for Kazu, and for all the other pupils.

Alas, it was by no means cheap.

We remembered the day when we needed to raise funds for hiring aspiring rock legend Drake Parker for our Spring Fling.

Alas, the sum was a lot higher.

Sam had got one glorious idea. "Let's call for donations in our web show!"

Quinn wanted to clone babies, and sell them. She had got the idea from Melinda Crenshaw, the obnoxious science freak girl that had annoyed us a year ago.

Shane shook his head. "Sweetie, that's not ethical."

Quinn sighed deeply.

The only pupil I knew of who could donate a considerable amount of bucks for the restauration of Sushi Rox was Logan Reese.

Granted, he had refused to donate for the concert of Drake, but he had a personal reason for that.

Drake was one heck of a womaniser, the closest competitor for Logan in all California.

But Logan also loved Sushi, so we hoped that he would show more generous.

He agreed, but for a high price: Lola, Zoey, and Nicole had to cheerlead for him.

Coach Keller offered to donate a considerable amount, but only if Chase and Michael did slave jobs for him. The coach was vengeful, because he accused Chase and Michael for having ruined the only place where he could eat sushi. Stangely, he pronounced "sushi" as if it rhymed with "mushy".

I called Spencer who had a particular affinity towards fire, for no obvious reason.

But his reply was a bit disappointing. "It's illegal to ask kids for money over the interweb.[[18]] without offering anything in return. "

I was desperate. I did not want Zoey to be forced to lick Logan's butt shiny, or Chase to be abused by Kenny Keller as a target for practising martial arts.

Fortunately, Spencer had also got some good news. "Socko has finally obtained his BA in inner architecture, and he was willing to help restoring Sushi Rox."

This would have reduced the costs for the renewal considerably.

Zoey smiled when she heard that the costs were not as much as she had precalculated. "Also, maybe you could call for money provided that the kids who donate get something in return, right?"

That was what I understood from what Spencer had been saying.

Zoey nodded. "I financed Drake's concert with design, I may design something again."

I smiled. "That would be great!" I was also looking forward to Spencer's visit, as he was now ready to finish the statue of our school's founder.

Logan was very upset these days. Not only had Zoey, along with Nicole and Lola, been able to turn down his gross offer, but he had also been turned down by some busty blonde, who deemed him way too arrogant!

Alas, there was one girl at the whole school who did not deem Logan too arrogant. Of course not, for, if she had done so, she would have been evern more hypocritical: Amber Tate, the diva girl from my voluntary tutor class. She snuck up to Logan. She knew what she wanted, the money and the influence of the son of the cream of the cream of the Hollywood producers, and it caused her no pains being nice to Logan, solid five years of age difference notwithstanding.

Freddie counted the seconds. "5...4...3...2"

I talked about Sushi Rox. "By donating, you will contribute for the reparation of Sushi Rox."

Sam grinned. "And you will get something in return. Zoey, pleease!"

Zoey grinned, and she took the microphone. "All those who donate will get a pair of these socks. I've decided to use socks, because the bar will be restaurated by one Socko!" She held a pair of multi-coloured socks aloft. "Even more, the ten top donators will get their name stitched into the socks."

Lola and Nicole grinned. They had helped Zoey knitting the socks.

Sam triggered the artificial applause.

Spencer and Socko arrived at our school.

Spencer talked to Dean Rivers. "I need to borrow too of your students in order to finish the statue. Chase Matthews, and Michael Barret, to be precise."

Dean Rivers remarked that slave work was still considered illegal at that school. "Athough they were probably the most likely culprits of the accident."

Spencer knew that. "In turn, I will donate part of the honorary for building the statue for the restauration of Sushi Rox! Whatever will still be missing, after Zoey's brilliant action."

Mr. Rivers agreed.

When Kazu returned, in order to fetch the rest of his belongings, he was flabbergasted.

The works on Sushi Rox were still going on, but it was evident that they were finished until the end of the summer break.

Kazu smiled. He was apparently left with no choice other than taking up Sushi Rox again.

* * *

** Chapter 26. It's An Alpaca**

* * *

As I've already mentioned, pets were strictly illegal at the Pacific Coast Academy.

Granted, we had been able to hide smaller pets - such as Frothy and Elvis - successfully for over a year.

Quinn had got a few smaller pets, too. Alas, she had to leave her largest pet back in Seattle:

It was a llama, or, as Quinn insisted repeatedly, an alpaca. His or her name was Otiz.

I never understood the difference, but so be it.

Whatever, Quinn certainly missed her Otiz, and vice versa.

This was even more evident when her parents showed Otiz via web cam, in one of our iCarly sessions.

According to Dr. Lang, the veterinary med who was responsible for Otiz, the llama, oops, alpaca suffered depressions.

Quinn started weeping like nobody's business. She had gone depressive, in retroflex.

It made even me sad.

When I strolled the campus, I met Chase Matthews.

He spoke English, but, that nowithstanding, he sounded so very outlandish. Apparently, he avoided the letter _S_.

It was part of a bet he was running with Michael and Logan. The first to use that forbidden letter was going to traverse the campus, dressed with nothing but a hula outfit, and some light on his head.

"Poor Chase," said I, "that means that you can't say your own name. Be careful!" I sighed.

Chase moaned bitterly. He preferred not to say anything. He knew that I wouldn't betray him, but Michael and Logan might be hiding behind a bush.

I deemed that insane, but I wished him good luck, anyways. Logan Reese, of all, deserverd most to make a laugh of himmself! Hmmm, Reese is written with an _S_, isn't it?

I met Sam and Freddie, in order to talk about all that crap.

Dustin and Gibby had told me that the stupid bet of the bigger boys had given him an idea for our web show.

Sam and Freddie had some idea about using the show for helping Quinn.

Either Quinn had to come to Otiz, or Otiz had to come to Quinn.

Unfortunately, Otiz was way too big to hide, as we did with Frothy and Elvis.

Shane had asked Socko who had declared that he would be ready to take Otiz down to California, provided that there was some place to stay for the poor thing.

If, on the other hand, Quinn left the campus without permission for too long, she risked being expelled, or at least suspended.

Socko feared that Quinn was exactly going to do that, and she was not going to wait much longer.

For that avail, we needed to act pretty fast.

Freddie counted the seconds. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I started talking. "OK, it's time for a new game. We've got a few pairs of socks left from our last action, and those are the prize for this game. Dustin, is going to tell you ..."

Dustin nodded. "I'm the captain of our speller bee team, and, along with team mate Gibby, we thought about a contest: Winner will be he who makes the longest reasonable sentence, avoiding the letter _S_. The words _and_,_or_, or _but_ are outlawed, too."

I grinned. I tried to talk a few words, but failed miserably. "OK, referee, as to the question about what constitutes a reasonable sentence, will be Mr. Callaghan, our English teacher.[[19]]"

Sam triggered a fake applause.

Then I came to talk about Otiz. "The only solution we see is ... we need someone near our school, here in Malibu, with a stable and a meadow big enough for our wooly friend."

Freddie projected a large map of California onto the green screen, showing the location of our school, and the distance to the most commonly known nearby towns.

We received a lot of feedback for that one session.

Unfortunately, not all of those who offered a place for boarding Ortiz were sufficiently close to our school, some of them were even outside California.

But one of them looked promising: It was a horse ranch just three miles down the road.

The owner of the ranch was one Faye Dunaway.[[20]]

Mr. Bender and Shane took a look at the ranch, and it looked great.

I sent a message to Socko, telling him to take Otiz down to California.

We went through the submissions to our game. We had to laugh an insane lot, but were those reasonable sentences?

Mr. Callaghan had to exclude most of the submissions.

And the winner was one Nevel Papperman, submitting "Immediately after that extremely complicated chapter involving a lot of advanced quantum theory, I will really need more than one downright powerful alcoholic drink."

Shane had to blindfold Quinn, before he and Socko took her on a ride to Faye Dunnaway's horse perch.

Quinn opened her blindfold. "Otiz!" She beamed brightly, and she bounced around. Then she cuddled with the largest of her pets.

Shane and Socko explained that they had struck an agreement with Dean Rivers, and with Faye Dunnaway, allowing Otiz to stay at the farm, making it possible for Quinn to see it like every other weekend.

Quinn cheered, and she played all sorts of crazy games with Otiz.

Have you ever seen a llama, oops, an alpaca, able to play chess, and to read books?

But how did that insane bet end up?

The other day, Missy Robinson snuck into Logan's lounge, and she threw a well-deserved stink bomb at the jerk.

Logan was upset. "What are you doing, Missy Robinson?"

Michael and Chase beamed. "Wow! That's three _s_!"

Logan stamped his feet, but all the curses were in vain: He had to cross the campus in some humiliating outfit.

When we announced the winner, we also got to see Nevel Papperman on the green screen.

Nevel announced that he was going to transfer to the Pacific Coast Academy, right after the summer break. He appeared quite correct and formal, but his eccentric demeanour scared the living hell out of me.

But this did not prevent us from looking forward to our next year at this wonderful school.

** End Of Second Season**

* * *

** Chapter 27. Cool News?**

* * *

And this was the start into yet another year at the Pacific Coast Academy.

I was particularly excited, as Spencer was not just here in order to drop us, but he had obtained a job as an adviser for the school's hitherto not existing club for sculpting and pop arts. Of corurse, I was also looking forward to see Dustin again.

Freddie and Sam wanted to be on their own, so they sent me away.

Dustin crossed my way. "Sorry, I need to help Spencer getting started, thus can't go to the beach with you. Don't you have to help Zoey?"

Dustin fainted. "OK, I probably should." He sighed, and gone was he.

I grinned. Next, I was almost run over by Chase.

"Oops," said he, "I have to beat Logan and Michael to the single bed, and then I need to take care of Rebecca. See you in the evening!"

I choked. Rebecca? Wasn't that the girl from his home town he had mentioned last year? What was going on? Alas, I preferred helping Spencer instead of worrying about Chase.

It wasn't too hard to get Spencer started.

I better left him alone when he started unpacking his tools. "OK, I'm looking for Freddie, Sam, and Dustin." Chase's statements had worried me, too.

Dustin told me that Nicole was gone, and that Quinn was now moving in with Lola and Zoey.

I knew that I was going to miss the bimbo wench, as annoying as she might have been on various occasions.

Dustin also told me that Jack was going to leave the school. But he was going to be replaced with his cousin Harper, a gifted pop singer and guitar player.

I shrugged silently.

We met Chase.

"Did you earn the single bed," asked I.

Chase shook his head. "I took a wrong turn. Logan and Michaelare still fighting over it."

Then I had the guts to talk to Chase about Rebecca.

Chase sighed. "See, she's very hard to get rid of. I didn't want her to come to this school, but our mothers decided to."

I choked. "Does your mom know that you love Zoey?"

Chase fainted.

I gazed sternly. Apparently, Chase hadn't yet had the guts to tell his mom about his true girlfriend. That was no good, it was even really bad.

Dustin told me that the boys had got a new dorm adviser. "He looks gross, with that giant wart in his face, and he behaves even worse."

I coughed badly, as I knew someone to whom that description fit well. "Lewbert?"

Dustin shrugged. "Could be. Do you know him?"

I sighed. "He had applied as a bell man for my home in Seattle, Bushwell Plaza, but he had been sent away, although he was offered to apply again next year." I pitied the boys sincerely, for Lewbert was most likely more than a nightmare of an adviser.

Dustin sent Chase off to Zoey. "If Rebecca doesn't behave, I will call Shelby upon her."

I chuckled. "Yeah, I really hope that Shelby will fix Rebecca for good, if she tries to step between Chase and Zoey."

Dustin beamed. "Zoey has worked as a life guard in the Gulf of Mexico."

I beamed. "Suddenly, I feel a lot safer, you know, all those swimming pools around here, and the beach ..."

Dustin grinned. "First at the beach gets to tickle torture the other!" He started running.

"Not fair," yelled I, but I didn't mind for real.

Down by the beach, we were going to meet Sandy and Gibby, who were cuddling in the sand, and building a sand castle.

When we came back from the beach - in order to fetch a smoothie - we saw Logan and Michael fistfighting.

Apparently, there was still no agreement concerning the single bed.

I had got an idea. I took my cellular phone, and I called Shelby.

A few minutes later, my roomie arrived, complete with her boxing gloves. "You think you may fight, do you? I'd slam both of you into the ground."

Michael and Logan laughed.

Shelby grinned. "I'm going to take out both of you at the same time!"

The boys laughed idiotically, but, after just five minutes, they were cringing in the dirt, bruised all over, and whimpering like toddlers.

Being knocked to the ground by a middle school girl was too much to stomach for those jerks. And, often enough, Shelby just had to duck, and the boys knocked each other.

I high-fived with Dustin. "OK, the single bed is now Chase's."

Michael and Logan tried to protest, but Dustin threatened to call some senior wrestler in order to drag them into the infirmary, whence they receded.

I walked away with Dustin, giggling all the time.

Amber and Taryn shrugged piteously when they saw their disappointing boyfriends.

At the smoothie bar, I saw Nevel Papperman.

He grinned enigmatically. "Hi Carly!"

"Hi?" I shrugged.

He announced that he was going to build a website called Nevelocity, writing about everything that was cool on the web.

I hoped that this included _iCarly_, but Nevel grinned mischievously. Was he expecting some sort of bribe?

Nevel showed us a cage, holding a porcupine. "A gift from another student I befriended today, her name is Quinn. The girl's name, that is." he grinned manically. "My porcupine is named Mr. Tibbles."

We chuckled when Nevel walked away, and we stumbled into Shane, who was putting some pieces together, and we wondered what that was.

Shane chuckled. "Quinn has got a few new pets, including a complete bee hive, as she loves fresh honey for breakfast. I have to fix the thing, so the bees won't escape, and sting her roomies." He explained that Quinn had moved in with Lola and Zoey, replacing Nicole. "The other girls are not really pleased by Quinn's strange equipment." Shane chuckled.

I wondered what other "bestialic" surprises Quinn had on store.

I entered my lounge.

Sam was finally done making out with Freddie, but she was too lazy to care about her luggage, which meant that she was requesting me to do that.

Alas, I was watching the first edition of this year's PCA News.

"PCA News Channel, this is Jeremiah Trottman. There' some stunning news. According to my faithful and reliable informer, Wendy, our fellow student Chase Bartholomew Matthews has been seen side by side with a girl other than his girlfriend Zoey Brooks. The name of the girl is rumoured to be Rebecca."

I blew fire and brimstone through my nose and ears. Couldn't Wendy and Jeremiah keep their dirty mouths shut? That was so creepily evil! I hoped that Zoey did not read too much into those naughty and unsolicited rumours, or that Chase was able to explain himself well enough, which was not very likely. Poor Chase!

* * *

** Chapter 28. Cotton Swabs**

* * *

Zoey was apparently really upset.

Even Dustin was not able to calm her down. He knew that Chase would never have cheated on Zoey.

Zoey conceded that Chase was too dumb for cheating on her, but she deemed him a coward for not telling his mother and Rebecca that he reqally loved Zoey.

I wondered how to use the web show in order to help Chase.

Alas, Chase had also got some good news: The Chase-and-Michael toons had just been accepted by _Toon Juice_!

I wondered where Michael was.

Chase explained that Michael just tried desperately to help Logan with free throws. "Coach Keller has threatened to expell him from the basketball team unless he regains his security."

I shrugged. "Not a big loss for the PCA team! Zoey can trash most of the boys."

Dustin beamed proudly.

Chase nodded. "Now I've got another problem. When I was looking for Zoey, in order to try to explain my situation, and to tell her about the toons, I bumped into a new student of my classes, her name is Stacey Dillsen. She carried a model of a house, made of cotton swab sticks. Until I ran over her, that is. Now it is a pile of trash, and she weeps bitterly ..."

"Oh my dear," moaned I, "you should offer her to repair it, shouldn't you."

Chase nodded. "I did, alas, in my current situation, you know, Zoey and stuff, I would probably ruin it even more ..."

I sighed. "Too true!"

Chase sobbed.

Dustin had got an idea. "Your brother is a great sculptor, isn't he?"

I nodded proudly. I thought I understood what Dustin was trying to suggest.

"Let Spencer repair the cotton swab house," squealed Dustin.

I shrugged. "Sounds cool! OK, Chase, better concentrate on Zoey."

He nodded sadly.

I guided Spencer to the lounge of Brenner Hall. I saw the girl described by Chase. "Hello, are you Stacey Dillsen?"

"Yes, that's me," answered Stacey, fumbling with a few swabs. She talked with a penetrant lisp which scared me. "I'm from Swampscott, Massachusetts. My favourite drink is sassafras tea. My sister Susan works at the nurses' station of St. Steve Hospital in Mississippi."

"My name is Carly Shay," said I, interrupting her flux on purpose. "This is my brother Spencer, a sculptor."

Spencer and Stacey shook hands. "OK, I would like to help you repairing the cotton house that Chase has smashed into smithereens."

Stacey sighed with relief. "OK, that's cool! I would have liked to work in my dad's woodshop, he's a carpenter from Seattle. But he thinks that woodshop isn't for little girls, so I use cotton swabs instead, in order to buyild a model of the house of my dreams."

I remember that one of Fredward's uncles[[21]] ran a woodshop. Yet, I didn't read much into that coincidence.

Spencer smiled. "Back at college, I've used matches and matchboxes for my sculptures. Now I get most of my materials from the junk yard, I get discount for being such a reliable customer."

Stacey smiled. "Oh, I've got such a bad luck. I got hit thrice by a stray basketball today, and then that Chase klutz ..."

Spencer shrugged. "My things often set on fire, without reason, so I'm not much better off. Now let's start rebuilding your cotton house ..."

Stacey beamed brightly. "May I join your sculpting club?"

Spencer nodded. "Of course! The more the merrier! Yeah!"

Thereupon, Stacey and Spencer walked into Stacey's room, ready to fix the broken house of her dreams.

I wondered how Spencer could stand Stacey's lisp. When I tried to simulate her pronunciation of his name, I came so close to throwing up.

Freddie counted the seconds. "5...4...3...2"

Sam and I, we greeted our viewers.

It was the first session of the new year, hence there were many new viewers who did not know about us, at least until now.

Then I announced a new segment. "Many of you already know my brother, Spencer! And if you haven't known him yet, you do so by now!"

Spencer was talking about his life experience. Today, he chose to talk about many misunderstandings he had had with his girlfriends.

Dustin took care that Zoey was watching us.

"Thanks, Spencer!" I smiled.

Sam triggered the applause.

"Now another friend off our show has got to say something," remarked I, "Chase Matthews!"

Chase was grabbed by Sam. Otherwise he would have tried to sneak away.

Sam admonished Chase to say what they had rehearsed.

Chase sighed. "OK, many of you think that I'm cheating on Zoey with Rebecca, but I don't. Zoey, I love you, have done so from your first moments at this school, and will always do so."

Sam triggered a fake applause.

Chase continued. "Rebecca, I don't love you, in fact, the more you try to step between Zoey and me, the more I will hate you. I've tried to be nice to you, because mom told me to, and because you're still new. But this does not mean anything more than that. Move on before it's too late."

Sam grinned menacingly into the cam, aimed towards Rebecca.

Chase continued. "In addition, Freddie is going to send a DVD of this show to my mother, showing that I'm serious. Thanks for your attention!" He sighed with relief.

Sam grinned.

We left the building.

I saw Zoey walking up to Chase, and throw her arms tenderly around him. I smiled.

Rebecca was around as well.

Alas, I did not have the impression that she had really given up on Chase.

Hence it was better to pay attention to her future actions.

Stacey walked up to us. "Aw Freddie, my favourite cousin, you were so adorable, like a cotton swab!"

Freddie coughed.

"Why did you never tell us about your cousin," wondered I.

Freddie was apparently ashamed of his lisping relative. "I do love her, but ..."

Fits of jealousy seized Sam, making her exhibit some grimaces.

I chuckled. "Freddie means, he likes her as a relative."

Sam shrugged. "One of my uncles married his own cousin."

Freddie coughed. "OK, Stacey, you may be in our show, next week. Then we will see."

I moaned when I saw Stacey bouncing around. Where was that ending up?

Coach Keller expelled Logan, replacing him with Shane who was able to score with free throws, even while blindfolded, claiming, like Quinn, that free throws rested essentially on geometry and physics..

Logan was very angry, and Amber was disgusted by the coach's decision.

I didn't care. As long as Zoey was in top condition, our basketball team was not going to lose, and Chase was all that Zoey needed in order to perform greatly.

* * *

** Chapter 29. Coco Loves Lewbert**

* * *

Dustin and a few friends had found an old model plane that Firewire had left around. He had got the cool idea of writing "I love you, Carly!" into the sky.

I chuckled. "That would be supersweet!"

The boys fumbled with the thing.

It did not seem to work correctly.

Fortunately, Quinn passed by. She was probably able to repair a real plane, if not a spaceship, hence she was like predestinated for fixing the technological problem.

Dustin and the other boys thanked Quinn.

The tech freak opened her shoe's souls, reveiling that they were really tool boxes.

Dustin smiled. Then he started the engine.

It worked, but ... "Hey, I can't navigate it!"

Quinn explained that she had to disable the navigation in order to boost the propulsion.

Dustin tried to stop the plane that was out of control, but Quinn had disabled that possibility, too.

"Oops," yelled I at the top of my lungs, but it was too late.

The plane had just crushed into Dean Rivers's face, knocking him out, just as efficiently as Shelby's right punch.

I wagered that certain kids were now so in trouble.

"PCA News, Jeremiah Trottman," boomed some annoying voice. "Our beloved headmaster, Dean Rivers, has just been a victim of some onslaught. He will be out for a few weeks. Mr. Bradford has ordered subs, here we are ... oops, we only need one headmaster."

The subs introduced themselves as Mr. Don Taylor, and as Ms. Linda Peeloff[[22]] , respectively. They were younger, and looked cooler than our regular dean.

Trottman passed the line to Wendy who was interviewing the cheerleaders who wore the new cheerleaders' uniform.

The jerks in our lounge felt their hormones flying high, disgusting me completely.

Zoey had refused to make those uniforms, as they were too sexist.

Mandy Franklin, a white-skinned niece of my former principal, Ted Franklin, was the captain of the cheerleaders. She was a reckless flirter, hence nicked Makeout Mandy.[[23]]

Zoey found me in my lounge. "Hi, it seems that Dustin is now quite a bit in trouble for the plane crash." She sighed.

I sobbed. "Spencer will help you defending him." I knew that Zoey wouldn't want anyone else to defend Dustin, but she would accept a bit of help from an experienced lawschool dropout.

Zoey sighed with relief. "Thanks, I have already designed a suit with a tie, so he appears more serious at the honour council."

I smiled. "That will be great!" I hugged Zoey.

I went with Zoey, Spencer, and Dustin to the office of the dean.

Lola was there, too. She had started a battle with food, just in order to be commanded into the office of Dean Taylor for whom she had obviously got the hots.

Unfortunately, Ms. Peeloff was in the office. She condemned Lola to one essay about appropriate behaviour in the cafeteria, no less than 2,000 words.

Spencer had impressed the dean with his designer suit and tie, leading to Lola's verdict being shrunk to 500 words.

Dustin promised that he didn't want to harm anyone, and that he was never going to touch a model plane again.

Spencer nodded. "He has studied the instruction manual acribically. But Penny's tuning changed the way it worked."

Ms. Peeloff appeared confused. "I hate this office. I like to have some decorations around me, little statues and so on."

Spencer shrugged. "I may make you some. I'm a sculptor!"

Ms. Peeloff grinned. "OK, make a little statue of Dean Taylor ..." She blushed. "and Dustin will get away with a report about why it's dangerous to use remote-controlled vehicles on the campus, no less than 500 words."

Spencer agreed.

Dean Taylor entered the office. He kissed Dean Peeloff lightly.

Lola grudged and grumbled for jealousy.

Mr. Taylor grinned. "I don't know which bug in your computer caused the mistake of assigning two sub deans, but I'm glad it did, as otherwise I might not have come to know Linda." He blushed, and grinned. "Maybe we should thank Ms. Pensky and Mr. Brooks for that?"

Lola was totally stinky, and she stormed out on all of us.

Spencer also remarked that Quinn was going to fix that bug.

The co-deans did not care.

Lola was not the only one left with a broken heart.

Zoey told me that dorm adviser Coco had been trashed and dumped by her "boyfriend" Carl, the coach of the softball team, which was our school's laughingstock.

I sighed, as Coco used to be unbearable when she was in a desolate mood.

We walked into Dustin's lounge. And what did we see?

Coco crept on the floor, screaming, "Let me die!"

Lewbert grunted "Then die!" He grabbed Coco's half-finished can of half-rotten ravioli. He started eating.

Coco remarked. "Hey, Sir, you've got something in your face!"

"Don't call me 'Sir'," croaked Lewbert.

Coco struggled in order to stand up. She believed that there had been a stray ravioli in Lewbert's face, and started licking and suckling at it.

Lewbert was flabbergasted."That's my wart, and I'm proud of it!"

Coco floundered, and she slammed Lewbert to the floor, slumping on top of him.

Both of them started laughing hysterically.

We were abysmally disgusted by this scene, but at least Coco's depression had come to an end.

The next day, I strolled the campus. What did I see?

A miniature plane was hovering above the campus, writing "I Luv You, Freddie!"

As I was going to get to know the day after, Sam had been able to repair the plane for real, just in order to be able to do that.

* * *

** Chapter 30. The Rat**

* * *

Nevel Papperman wanted to write a review for iCarly, and, for that avail, he had to interview me.

I insisted in doing that in the lounge, and not in some silent, dark corner, as Nevel suggested. I had such a creepy feeling. He was probably a spaz, the way he gazed around!

Nevel started sniffling at my hair, and he figured what shampoo I had used, like four days ago.

I felt a bit flabbergasted. Was it really possible to smell that?

Whatever, Nevel appeared to have very fine and sensitive nerves. He talked about his brain which was soon going to get scanned by Quinn's portable tomographic device.

I wondered what was his favourite flower.

Nevel remarked that he hated flowers. "They serve as toilets for bugs and flies."

I felt mildly nauseous.

Fortunately, Quinn found us. "Nevel, I may scan your brain now. I've tested it on mine. Isn't it impressive?"

I shook my head, and snuck away. Who knew what else Nevel was up to? I did not trust him any further than I could smell.

Dustin told me that Zoey was scared, because she had only obtained a C in chemistry by Mrs. Bromwell. "Now Shane tutors Zoey."

I sighed. "I wouldn't mind getting tutored by Shane ... oops!"

Dustin chuckled. He accepted that I had those moments. "Think what Quinn has to go through when Shane tutors all those girls ..."

I nodded. "It isn't Shane's fault, and he hardly provokes it."

Shelby bounded in. "You won't believe it! Quinn's rat has escaped."

I shuddered with disgust.

Shelby sighed. "Lola fell unconscious when she saw the beast."

I might have done the same, if not fled jumping through the roof.

Shelby nodded. "OK, now Quinn and Shane have deviced a rat trap ... it's a live trap, of course."

"Yeah, of course," said I, with a horribly trembling voice.

"Better Shane than Logan," remarked Dustin. "Shane is no jerk."

I agreed, nodding solemnly. Then I explained unto Shelby what we had been talking about.

Shelby giggled. "Logan is way too dumb for chemistry."

"Probably," answered Dustin, "but his grandfather was a teacher at Caltech."

I was consternated. "Wow! How did you now that?"

Dustin sighed. "Shane showed me a book about advanced molecular chemistry that the old guy has written."

I shrugged. "Strange things just happen."

Shelby was equally flabbergasted. "Sorry, but I've got to go. Kenny is waiting for me, we're going to the gym!"

I shrugged. "See you, Shelby!"

Unfortunately, Dustin had to go, too. "Gibby and I, we have got to do our assignments in geography, sorry. A presentation on Japan ..."

I imagined myself as a _geysha_, and I grinned. Maybe we should talk about Quinn's rat in the web show? It was scary, but some kid may have stumbled upon it, they better get to know where it was from. I took my cellular phone, and I told Freddie and Sam about that idea.

Freddie wondered why Quinn did not implant a microchip into the rat, with GPS and stuff, as his mother had done to him.

I deemed that thought gross. Freddie with a GPS implant? How did he know that?

Freddie told me that Quinn and Shane had discovered that while scanning Freddie's brain.

Sam wanted Frothy to hunt the rat.

In that moment, Quinn knocked at the door, requesting entrance.

I opened for Quinn, and I was shocked because Nevel was with her.

Nevel grinned enigmatically.

I was consternated.

Quinn explained that Nevel had a perfect smelling sense, hence he was going to sniffle everywhere, in search of the rat.

I was so close to throwing up.

Nevel stuck his nose into my belongings.

Now I had to vomit, for real.

Sniffling over my vomit, Nevel told me what I had eaten during the last five days, but he did not detect any trace of the beast.

I was incredibly happy when Quinn and Nevel left again.

It took Nevel a few days to sniffle through the dorms.

Then I met Quinn. "Did you find it?"

Quinn beamed. "Nevel found her, in his own dorm!"

I sighed. "Where else would a rat want to hide, anyways?"

Quinn pouted. "Nevel is a genius, don't even dare to foulmouth him!"

I shrugged. "OK!"

Quinn sighed bitterly. "There's indeed a particular reason why Ratty visited Nevel's dorm."

I was curious.

Quinn chuckled. "Have you already seen Mr. Tibbles, Nevel's porcupine?"

I nodded. "Vaguely, he was in his cage."

Quinn grinned. "Yeah, and Ratty made it there, too. Now she's pregnant."

I choked. "A rat and a porcupine?"

Quinn sighed. "They were already close before I gave Mr. Tibbles to Nevel. I should have seen that coming. It's a new scientific breakthrough!"

"Oh, sure it is," remarked I, with a slightly sarcastic voice.

Quinn reacted brashly to my sarcasm.

Whatever, Quinn needed now a slightly bigger cage for Ratty and the baby ratupines, or porcurats, or whatever ...

I sighed. Zoey and Lola were sure going to be pleased, totally pleased!

Quinn told me that Nevel had been tempted to write a really bad review about iCarly, but she had dissuaded him from that.

I sighed with relief.

Quinn seemed to have a good influence on Nevel, like an elder sister. Unfortunately, she was a bit kinky in her own way ...

* * *

** Chapter 31. Football**

* * *

The PCA offered many sports teams, competing in the regional, sometimes in the Californian, or even national championships.

I've already talked about the basketball team, but, in the eyes of most pupils, basketball ran just a poor second to football, the manliest of all team sports, or so they thought.

Needless to say, the Pacific Coast Academy had its own football team.

The boys weren't really bad, but they had not made it into the play offs for decades.

But that year, there was a chance for more.

It had been all down to one Vincent Blake, quarterback of our football team, and, naturally, target of the vast majority of recklessly swooning girls, especially the cheerleaders around Mandy Franklin.

Even Stacey was on a reckless swooning streak.

Of course, Vince was way out of her league.

This made it so obvious that Freddie and Stacey must have been related.

Alas, the only boy who got along well with Stacey, no, could not be ... Spencer was ten years older than the sophomore kids.

But, enough for now.

I knew for sure that Vince had to spend a lot of time training for his success, so where did he get the time to learn for the academic classes?

Until one day ...

Chase was exhausted when he stumbled upon me, one morning.

I wonder why he looked so disturbed.

He explained: "Last night, I had to get something form the class halls, and I saw ... Vince Blake ... he was copying the answers for the upcoming test in American history. About the war of independence, a really important test. No college forgives failing on that subject."

I shrugged. Suddenly, everything was clear: Vince didn't need to learn, he simply cheated.

Even more, Vince had thrown wild menaces at Chase, should he have dared to betray him.

As if it wasn't unpopular enough to accuse the quarterback of the successful team of cheating ...

Freddie counted the seconds. "5...4...3...2"

I didn't want to mention Vince Blake.

Zoey was with us. She knew about Vince's threats, but she had to talk about something different. She wanted to make it clear that many of us were consuming too many unhealthy snacks. "Unfortunately, Dean Rivers is not cooperative, he makes bucks with the vendor machines that sell white fudge, one of the most unhealthy combinations of fat and sugar."

Sam grinned. "Eat more tasteless vegetables, guys! Just leave the pork to me, leave it all to me!"

Freddie added that his mom was very much upset by us kids eating too many bad snacks. "She always forced me to eat cucumbers with fat-reduced sour cream[[24]] , and similar perversities."

Zoey wanted us to watch out for healthy snacks. She wondered how to make them tasty. She had ordered moon bars from New England, but they were really vomitives in disguise.

Quinn was with her. "I wanted to inject the juice of some mexican cactus into the bars, but Shane prevented me from doing so, as the juice is a drug that is illegal in over twenty-five states, including Puerto Rico!"

I thanked Zoey. The topic had really been interesting. Alas, I did not get Vince's threats out of my head.

I lay on my bed, unable to forget about the injustice. So, cheating in tests was wrong, unless you were the captain of the successful football team? What a school did we live in, requiring, on the one hand, high academic standards and hard training for the football team at the same time? It was almost inevitable that things like these happened. Hell, what a society did we live in? That was so perverse! I so wanted to make this topic an issue in one of our upcoming webcasts.

Melanie walked in. "Hi Carly!" She knew about Vince's threats.

Fortunately, Wendy and Jeremiah did not, otherwise Chase might be dead by now.

I sighed.

Melanie sat down. "Remember, last year, I was the big bad girl. But after the incidents with Dustin and Chase ..."

I nodded solemnly.

Melanie had never been an acknowledged active bully, but that was probably because the way she had intimidated Keith Finch, after that guy had blackmailed and bullied Dustin, had caused other pupils to fear her more than anything else. Alas, she would probably have been as bad as Vince, if she hadn't turned around. "OK, Carly, I will talk to Vince Blake. If I tell him my story, he will probably recede from his deeds."

I so hoped that Melanie was right, but I was also afraid for her.

Missy had already got the idea of throwing a cherry bomb at Vince's groin, should he have refused to leave Chase in peace.

A few days later, I saw Melanie and Vince in the park, holding hands and smooching.

Vince said that he was sorry for having been that bad. He was going to fess up to Dean Rivers, so he was going to get some slightly milder punishment. At least, now he had got Melanie, this made up for everything.

Dean Rivers sent Vince Blake into detention for a week, but he would have had to sent him off the school, had he not fessed up voluntarily, and had he actually turned violent against Chase.

I was glad that things had taken that turn.

Suddenly, a van arrived at the campus.

Socko stepped outside. "Hi Carly!"

I greeted him back, and I wondered what was in the van.

Socko smiled. "Quinn and Spencer had ordered me to watch your last webcast. Then I talked about it to Marissa Benson, and she had ordered a whole vanload of sugar-free candy for our school. I grabbed my van in order to ship it all the way down from Seattle to LA. And here it is!"

I beamed brightly.

Socko sighed. "But there's something else. Nevel's mother has sent me a bunch of tapenade bars, made from her home-made tapenade, that's a mixture of squished olives, capers, and garlic, with French spices."

I had never heard of them, but I gave it a try. "Yummy!"

Both the tapenade bars and the sugar-free candy were going to beat the sales records at our school, once we praised them by means of the web show.

Oh, the football match? Well, Shelby subbed for Vince. She had never played football before, but she was a solid defender, due to her martial training.

This helped our team to defeat the opponents, for the first time after several decades.

* * *

** Chapter 32. Pageant Girl**

* * *

As if our school had not been elitary enough, there was one society of arrogant jerks who claimed to be the cream of the cream. It was the club of the so-called _Silver Hammers_. This year, they initiated new members from among the sophomores.

Dustin was really worried. He had felt increasingly neglected by his elder sister, and that golden nail society was probably going to take her away from him even more.

Chase stayed strictly away from those hammers. He had even reclined their offer to try out.

At least one reasonable guy!

Honestly, Spencer didn't really care as much about me as he had done when we were still in Seattle, and even that had been a bit sloppy for my taste.

But we will revisit this topic much later.

I didn't trust those hammers to start with.

Freddie and Sam didn't do so, either. They so wanted to spy that idiotic club, and cover their atrocious activities in the web show. "Even Nevel is going to help us."

I wasn't keen on spying, but I didn't try to dissuade them, either.

Spencer was really upset because one of the silver hammers had insulted Stacey badly when she had expressed her interest in joining the club. "Now she's weeping all day long."

I saw the nefarious gleam in my brother's eyes, telling me that he was going to get back at them.

Spencer and Socko had made bad experiences with a similar club at their college.

Funnily, Logan had been excluded _a priori_, because he had tried to bribe the club's elders.

Sandy laughed. "Last year, Tracey had deliberately renounced on joining them. She said that the hammers were a club for Logan-headed people."

Quinn hadn't been asked in the first place, as she was deemed a spaz by the members of the society. Alas, she was worried about a new girl, Sarah, who had just joined. Quinn denied having known Sarah, but the way she said that was strange.

I wondered what was up with Sarah.

Sam giggled noisily.

I urged Sam to talk. "What do you know about Sarah?"

Sam shrugged. "You wouldn't believe me!"

I glared grimly at Sam.

Sam sighed. "OK, Sarah was a pageant girl, a few years ago, just like Quinn."

Freddie laughed heartily. "Quinn? A pageant girl?"

Sam pouted. "I knew that you would not believe me."

"But ... how do you know," asked I.

Sam moaned. "because I was a pageant girl, too!"

Freddie and I, we chuckled ourselves to death.

Sam stomped her feet. "Ask Socko, if you don't believe me! He has dragged us into the whole crap."

Now I was really flabbergasted. But, of course, I was going to do my research.

I had told Socko, and he lost no time jumping over for a visit.

Freddie was still consternated. Quinn? A pageant girl? And Sam? No way!

Socko started talking. "Not even Spencer knows about that, and I would have preferred if Sam had never mentioned me in that context. But it's true. Now I better tell you before Wendy and Jeremiah trumpet it all around."

"But Quinn! She's such a science freak," remarked I.

"Now she is," admitted Socko. "But eleven years ago, she wasn't much different from many other girls. She was smart, but only since elementary school is it her conscious goal to trump all others with her intelligence."

We sighed.

Socko remarked that Quinn was really ashamed by that, she considered it the black stain of her bio. "She does everything to avoid that anyone gets to know about it, if that happens, it will be a catastrophe. I'm glad you told me. So I'm here in order to stand by her."

I smiled. It was so great having an elder brother to rely on.

"PCA news channel, this is Jeremiah Trottman," announced the voice of our star moderator. "My appreciated colleague Wendy has got something very important to tell you."

Wendy kissed Jeremiah, and she grabbed the phone. "OK, kids, you all think of Quinn as having been born as the greatest scientific genius ever, right? Do you think so?" Wendy laughed hysterically. "No way! We have found the proof that this is not the case. May I introduce a new student at our wonderful school, Sarah, daughter of the greatest noodle maker of the world?"

Sarah stepped up to the microphone. "Pasta! Not noodles, pasta!" She was mildly upset. "Well, Wendy has told the truth: As a nursery school kid, Quinn had participated in beauty pageants, just like me, and here's the proof!"

Jeremiah told his assistant to insert the clip, showing Quinn's exercises with hoops and ribbons.

"Someone kill Trottman already," yelled I. "How many lives is he ready to destroy with his silly news?"

Needless to say, Quinn felt totally destroyed.

I entered Quinn's dorm, followed by Socko and Shane. "Quinn, we're here."

Socko took Quinn into his arms, like a baby, and he allowed his younger sister to sob at his shoulders.

Shane stood still.

Quinn weeped. "Shane is now going to deprecate me."

Shane shook his head. "It's OK, baby, do you know that I've been a clown at my friends' birthday parties, when I was much younger than today?"

Quinn sighed with relieve. "Really?"

Shane nodded solemnly. "But now we know that science and technology are the greatest thing since sliced bread, and nobody is going to take that away from us."

Quinn smiled.

Finally, Shane remarked that all the beautiful motions of ribbons and hoops rested completely on the laws of geometry and physics.

Quinn bounced around, cheering a lot. "Thanks, honey! It does, indeed!"

Socko explained that he had talked to Sarah. "She's sorry for all that, and didn't know how much she was going to hurt you."

Freddie counted the seconds. "5...4...3...2"

Sam was not around.

I started the show. "Today, you will see sone spectacular event."

Freddie inserted a clip of younger Quinn.

I smiled. "That was then, and this is now, damn, where is Sam?"

Quinn, Sam, and Sarah marched in, dressed like pageant girls, and swinging their ribbons and pon-pons to _Stars And Stripes Forever!_.

I applauded fanatically. "That's fantastic!" When they had ended their performance, I called for another guest. "OK, Zoey, you have to say something?"

Zoey nodded. "OK, when I heard first about the _Silver Hammers_, I deemed it a cool thing, as it opened the way to many good colleges and jobs. But I'm so sorry that I did not listen to friends like Chase and Carly, not even to my own little brothers." She sighed bitterly. "Do you want to know what it means to join those hammers? One week of humiliating slave work for the elders, and, even if you pass that test, you have to vote against your friends in order to get fully accepted into the club. But that is not for me, and it shouldn't be for you, either! Saying it once and for ever: You hammers suck!"

Sam triggered the fake applause.

Following Zoey's example, everyone had retired, opening the way for one new member: Logan Reese.

Why was I not surprised that he accepted?

* * *

** Chapter 33. America Sings**

* * *

The previous year, I had cured Dustin from his addiction to some video game.

Alas, this did not mean that videogaming was no longer an issue at our school, quite the contrary.

Much to Zoey's dismay, Chase was addicted to beating the hell out of the high score of a new racing game that Logan had bought.

I shook my head. "Boys! I like playing a good game, too, once upon a time, but they do have to exaggerate that, really."

Zoey nodded wholeheartedly. "With one exception ... What was the name of the lady that had beaten Dustin?"

I remembered. "Sasha Striker, why? Oh, you mean , she could ..."

Zoey nodded solemnly. "You've still got her number?"

I smiled. "Of course, there it is!" I sent my address book to Zoey's mailbox.

Zoey grinned. "Thanks!"

Freddie told me that his friend Harper was going to perform as a background guitarist at the upcoming Open Mic Night.

I was glad for Harper, as he was a super nice guy, and a gifted singer and guitarist. "Whom will he back up?"

Dustin grinned. "Two people who have already been at the regional tryouts for _America Sings_!" He sighed. "One of them is Lisa Perkins, a friend of my sis."

I smiled. "Isn't it cool when our friends help your sister's friends?"

Dustin nodded solemnly. "The other one is David R. Culetta, one of the greatest talents ever!"

My eyes bugged out. "Yes, he is, he is so gifted, and hot! Oops!"

Dustin hugged me tightly, as he knew that things like that just happened to me.

Sam giggled. "And if any of them dared to sing poorly, we can still patch him. We would do that, wouldn't we?"

Freddie nodded. "Sure! I've got the latest software from Quinn. We would really rock at doing that!"

Finally, Sasha Striker arrived again on our campus.

According to Zoey, Chase had beaten all the high scores in the list.

"The worst is: If they continue like that, Logan has announced that he was going to challenge Chase for a real cart race, the parcours being on the campus," added Zoey.

I choked hard. "Would Dean Rivers even allow for that? Aren't there security rules for the campus? I mean, a cart race is way more dangerous than a model plane, and Dean Rivers had been hit by one, right in the face!"

Zoey nodded. "Of course Dean Rivers would oppose to that, but I doubt they will tell him, asking for permission."

I was so close to throwing up. "A wild race, that's so insane, Chase could be expelled for that. I mean, Logan would be sent off, too, but I wouldn't mind that."

Zoey agreed. "I wouldn't either."

Sasha understood that the situation was very serious. "Oh, Carly, I've heard that your elder brother Spencer was such a studdy guy. Where is he?"

I told Sasha that Spencer was in the infirmary. "One of the pupils, named Stacey Dillsen, had strained her butt during yoga classes. Spencer wants to comfort her, because he has already suffered from a string of similar miseries, when he was younger."

Sasha was disappointed, as Spencer was not as tough as she had probably imagined. Then she went to Maxwell Hall.

Freddie and Sam were ready to record the highlights of the Open Mic Night for our next webcast.

We waved at Harper when he clamped his guitar, ready to back Lisa Perkins, who was going to sing _Monday Into Saturday_[[25]]

The other pupils applauded cheerfully.

Lisa high-fived Harper. "That was great! Maybe we should work together more often?"

Harper blushed. "Er, why not?"

Lisa smiled sweetly. "See you around!"

Finally, David R. Culetta entered the stage. He whispered something to Harper.

The girls, most of us at least, were totally excited when we saw the involuntary heartbreaker taking his stance.

Some of us loosened their bras, and they threw them onto the stage.

Stacey had problems doing so, because her butt still hurt, and she asked Spencer for help, but my bro denied that rigorously.

I shuddered with disgust.

That of Lola Martinez landed right of David's nose.

Lola squealed. "Oops!"

David smiled. "Oh, hi Lola, wouldn't you like to make a music video with me?"

Lola blushed. "Sure?"

Freddie offered to be the tech producer of their video.

David and Lola accepted wholeheartedly.

Lola wondered. "Are we supposed to kiss in the music clip?"

David shrugged. "Maybe? Why?"

Lola died because she wanted to know whether David was a good kisser.

It was apparently a close tie between David and Lisa, but David made it in the end.

Lisa shook his hand in a fair manner.

I met Sasha again.

She beamed. "Aw those bloody beginners ... Logan and Chase laughed as they thought that girls were no good at video gaming."

I shrugged. "But they've seen you beating Dustin."

Sasha nodded. "Sure, but, really, they thought that Dustin was just a little boy, and they were big boys. But they cried like little babies when I was done with them, I think they will never touch a video game again, not that soon, anyways. And that cart race is no longer an issue."

I high-fived with Zoey.

Chase had finally understood that no game was worth risking his relationship with Zoey, whatever the award.

* * *

** Chapter 34. Chuck Javers**

* * *

I've already mentioned our football team, which had been successful due to Shelby's solid defense, but there were other renowned teams at our wonderful school.

I'm now talking about our wrestlers.

Shelby was a passionate martial artist, so she made it into the wrestling team.

Unfortunately, the coach was a sexist jock and jerk of the worst sort, even beating Logan Reese and Duke[[26]] Blatzberg.

I was reading a book, while snuggling into a bean bag in my room.

There was a voice at the door. "Shelby?"

Shelby wasn't here.

I recognised the voice. "Nevel! What do you want?" I was angry.

Nevel sighed. "Oh, Carly, whatever, I have to talk to Shelby, but you might tell her as well."

I sighed, and opened for Nevel.

Nevel walked in. "OK, there's a rule that the coach may replace an injured wrestler with another one."

I shrugged.

"That pervert doesn't really want Shelby to fight," announced Nevel, "most male fighters, such as Duke and Logan, refuse neatly to fight girls. Except one, and he's quite some tough jock."

I shrugged again. "Who is?"

Nevel sighed. "Chuck Javers, aka the exterminator. Shelby will know whom I'm talking about. Anyways, the coach's strategy will be to let all the others give up, as they don't fight girls, and then feign that Shelby is injured, so that he may sub her with Scott Richmond, who will not be exhausted."

I laughed. "Scottie is a softie, compared to Shelby!"

Nevel agreed with me. "But the coach is an idiot."

I was of Nevel's opinion. Then I wiped sweat off my face. "OK, I'm going to tell Shelby. But why do you tell us?"

Nevel groaned. "I'm not a friend of you or Shelby, but I'm a proud Stingray, and I respect that Shelby is a serious fighter. We may lose, but with dignity and honour. I don't want that our teams become the laughingstock of the state, or that Shelby Marx appears as a weakling, she isn't."

I thanked Nevel, and I waved at him.

I told Shelby about Nevel's visit at supper.

Shelby grumbled. "Aw, that coach will be so sorry! I'm out of the team. No, thanks!"

I high-fived with Shelby.

"Alas, I do know Chuck Javers," moaned Shelby.

I was curious. "You've already wrestled him?"

Shelby shook her head. "Not exactly. But he taught me all sorts of martial arts. It was a march through hell, but I've made it, fire and brimstone notwithstanding. Now I'm ready for any fight, even against my old master, if it has to be. But our coach's attitude is such a no-no."

I nodded. "Really! Even Kenny's dad isn't such a perv."

It was the day of the great wrestling challenge.

Freddie and Sam had been fixing some cam in order to record the highlights for our upcoming webcast.

I preferred to stay in our lounge, along with Dustin, Melanie, Missy, Sandy, Shelby, Kenny, and Gibby.

Too bad the whole event was moderated, again, by most annoying commentator Jeremiah Trottman.

The coach had got a big problem.

Not only had Shelby and Kenny retired, but he had turned really unpopular, after Zoey and Shelby gave a speech in one of our webcasts, complaining about the idiotic strategies of the coach.

After all, only three wrestlers were left: Duke Blatzberg, Logan Rrese, and Scott Richmond.

Those jerks were just mediocre, and they had all been eliminated after only three rounds.

Trottman even considered retiring from moderating the stupid contest.

Many PCA students cheered for Chuck Javers, even Mandy Franklin, the boss of our cheerleaders. She would have been considered a traitor, but did it even matter, given how fast our wrestlers had been sent into oblivion?

It was the final match, Chuck Javers vs. Brian De Wayne.

Chuck was not a human wrestler. Rather, he was a mixture between a mutant gorilla and a mutant tyrannosawr. Everything in his way was stomped into the ground by his supernaturally strong arms, and he yelled like a thunderstorm from hell.

Even the umpire looked for the safest place to hide, as he did not want to get walloped to goo.

The battle didn't last long.

Javers slammed De Wayne flat on his shoulders.

I was lucky not to sit close to the monster.

The battle was over.

Suddenly, Nevel Papperman entered the arena, with a note. "Read this," boomed Nevel, "or rue the day, until dystopia." Nevel dropped the note.

Javers grabbed Nevel, and flang him across the hall.

Fortunately, Sam caught Nevel somewhat safely, although she didn't like him, either.

Chuck Javers forced Trottman to read the message, denying an interview.

Jeremiah stammered: "You're just lucky because you didn't have to face the real champion, Shelby Marx!"

Javers choked.

Shelby entered the arena. "Chuck!" She grinned. ""

Chuck was like frozen to a block of ice.

Shelby sighed. "Back when we trained together, I thought that I've loved you. But you had no heart, or so I thought." She sobbed.

Javers yelled defiantly.

"I'm sorry that you took it harder than I thought it to be," admitted Shelby. "I can't take the months back, I've now got a real boyfriend, Kenneth Keller. But I wish you all the luck you need, maybe we will have a fair match in not too far future."

Javers almost broke down, weeping like a baby.

The audience was consternated.

Shelby waved at Chuck, and she left again.

Cheerleader Mandy Franklin did everything to cheer up the wounded legend.

It had been a really emotionally draining day.

A few months later, Shelby and Chuck met in an epic boxing fight, which Shelby won after multiple revisions of the umpires.

Javers was still incredibly strong, but the mutant monster had been left behind in the past.

* * *

** Chapter 35. Rebecca's Revenge**

* * *

After Chase had declared to the public that he loved Zoey, and not Rebecca, the girl from his hometown who had been preferred by his mother, I've seen a nefarious gleam in the devil's eyes, telling me that she was up to getting back at Zoey.

Rebecca had gone unnoticed for a few months, but the moment I had been fearing so much was there.

Dustin told me that Zoey had been blackmailed. "A wooden arrow came flying through her window, hitting the closet. It contained a message. Zoey has to dance to some song called the _Macalana_[[27]] , or the blackmailer was going to unveil her worst secret."

I so knew that only Rebecca could have been behind the abominable onslaught. But what was that secret, no I was not that curious, but ... how did Rebecca know about it?

Dustin told me that her psychology class had got a project where the students had tied their secrets to balloons that have been released into the sky.

I grunted. "OK, Rebecca must have interceived the balloon, and now she knows Zoey's secret message." I didn't really expect Dustin to tell me, and he didn't really know it.

He had probably been too young when that embarassing even occurred.

Freddie and Sam looked up the _Macalana_ via zaplook. "It's a very embarassing dance from the early ninties. Zoey would look like a whore if she danced to that." He coughed and choked.

Dustin was very angry. "We must kill Rebecca before Wendy spreads the rumours, again ..."

Sam offered to brew some poison.

Freddie wasn't any less angry.

I tried to calm them down.

Spencer sighed. "I do know the _Macalana_, it was quite the hit when I was at junior high school. Do you know that I was known as the most fiery Latino rock dancer ..."

We were slightly annoyed by that, but, hey, there was an idea.

Freddie counted down the seconds. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I grinned. "I'm Carly ... but you already know that, and she's Sam!"

Sam smiled. "Today, we are not in our dorm, as usual, but we are here on the open campus, reporting live about our Latino rock fest."

I beamed. "Of course, dancing without music doesn't make much sense, does it?"

"It doesn't," claimed Sam, "but we've got some good music. Let me introduce our rock band: Harper, Lisa Perkins, and David R. Culetta! Hey, Harper, I've heard that you make us dance the night away?"

Harper grinned. "Exactly, baby!"

I beamed. "And, of course we've invited the uncontested champion in rock latino dances, my brother Spencer!"

Spencer waved around. "Hey kids out there! I'll present you some fire works of untamed emotions!"

Sam triggered the applause. "Thanks, Spencer! You sure do! But you certainly won't do that all alone?"

I shook my head. "No, he won't. His partner is one of the most popular dancers of this school. The charming, smart, and elegant Zoey Brooks!"

Dustin beamed when Zoey marched in. "OK, let the fun begin! Harper, blast your strings!"

Harper hit the chords.

Lisa and David sang the Macalana.

Spencer swept Zoey all over the dancing floor, which was the campus.

Everyone cheered and applauded.

Rebecca watched the whole thing with a grim posture.

Spencer grinned. "By the way, do you know that, my favourite book, until the age of eighteen, had been _Boogie Bear II_?"

Zoey shook her head. "No, who would have thought that?"

Stacey beamed. "May I dance with Spencer? I love _Boogie Bear_."

Zoey nodded. "OK, but who's going to dance with me?"

Gibby marched in. "Oh, look!" He ripped his shirt off, and he climbed the table. "This is my true obsession. Turn the music louder!"

Freddie tuned the accoustic engine.

Zoey joined Gibby on the table.

Chase sighed. "I've once been a flower girl, at my uncle's wedding."

Lola, who had kept on dancing seductively around David, squealed: "I didn't know how to open my first bra. Mom had to help me. Now I prefer David to do that. Wheeeeeh!"

David R. Culetta grinned.

Quinn squealed. "By the way, I've got six toes on my right foot. Do you want to see?" She removed her socks.

Sam groaned. "So what? My mom has got a tattoo of a foot on her foot![[28]]. "

Shane grabbed Quinn's right foot, tickling her extraneous toe mercilessly.

Quinn squealed like a fury, but she loved it.

I gave Zoey the microphone, when she took a little break from dancing. "OK, did you already know that my butt is seen in an old ad for a sun blocker? That was when I was still a toddler."

Dustin grinned proudly. "I've found a DVD of it. Freddie, will you please show it as a clip during the next break? So everyone will believe it"

Freddie nodded. "Sure!"

Sam grinned when she triggered the applause. "OK, thanks Zoey, and now a little break is in order, before we move on to the next dance, where you will see me sweeping Freddie across the campus, yeah baby!"

The evening had been a lot of fun for all of us, barring Rebecca who almost exploded into miscroscopic smithereens.

Alas, the furious red dragon was bleeding profusely, but it wasn't yet dead.

* * *

** Chapter 36. Sad Songs**

* * *

Vendor machines can be such a pain in the butt.

I strolled the campus, accompanied by Dustin and Shelby. "Hey, isn't that your cousin?"

Shelby nodded when she saw Lola standing at a vendor machine that sold raspberry doodle cakes, her all-time favourite snack.

Lola and Quinn sighed. They told us that the stupid machine had swallowed Lola's dollar bill, but without returning zilch.

Dustin wanted to stick his arm into the ejection slot, but I held him back.

Lola explained that they had already tried to punch and kick it, but for no avail.

Shelby shrugged. "Let's fix that tonight, when it's too dark on the campus to see us ..." She grinned viciously.

I so knew what Shelby was up to. I hoped that Sam might resolve the problem in a more elegant and less violent manner, using her supreme knowledge about hacking locks, but for no avail. It was impossible to stop Shelby. That stupid machine had insulted the family's honour, and now it was going to pay dearly for that.

Chase's birthday was around the corner.

Dustin and I, we had bought him a few chocolates.

Zoey, in turn, needed to get him a very rare gift: She had phoned his grandma, who meant a lot to him, to the campus at the PCA, so they were going to celebrate together.

Chase and his grandma had got the same birthday.

Zoey told me that Logan was such a jerk. "He wanted to celebrate the party down by the beach, with us girls wearing nothing but bikinis, because he rejoiced in seeing all the barely clad girls."

I agreed with Zoey. "He's evil."

Zoey than remarked that they were now going to celebrate the party in the lounge, as a pyjama party.

Unfortunately, we middle school kids were not allowed to a pyjama party, but we intended to invite Chase to a dinner at Sushi Rox, a few days later.

Shelby grinned. "I've kicked that damn' stupid vendor machine so hard, it spilled out not only the doodle cake Lola had paid for, but also a few other snacks, even one buck, or the other."

I shrugged. "Good for you, and for Lola."

My cellular phone vibrated. I picked it up. "Carly Shay, good morning ...oh, Zoey! What's up?"

Zoey told me that Chase's grandma had caught a flu, and that's why she could not come.

I pitied Chase and Zoey.

Chase had to be content with a biro from the library.

But I still hoped that their pyjama party was going to be a lot of fun for them.

It was the morning after the pyjama party. It had been raining all night long.

Apparently, I was curious about whether the party had been a success.

Chase had really deserved a lot of fun on his birthday, Zoey's well-meant yet failed birthday gift notwithstanding.

I met Zoey in her lounge, she was apparently very sad. "What's wrong," asked I.

Zoey sobbed. "Chase's grammie, she is ..."

My face darkened, fearing bad things.

Zoey started weeping. "She died, and Chase got to know it during the party. It was ..."

I took Zoey into my arms, trying to comfort her. "You sure want to be with him today? He needs you now, more than ever."

Zoey nodded sadly.

Sadly, I remembered when my mom died. I was really young, and dad was far away. I had only got Spencer with me. "Maybe Spencer can help Chase and you with the formal stuff, like getting extra vacations for the funeral."

Zoey thanked me profusely.

Spencer and I, we followed Chase and Zoey to the office of the headmaster.

Spencer told the boss about Chase's problem.

Rivers nodded, but he needed a confirmation from Chase's parents, regarding the exact time he needed to free Chase from the school's schedule.

We waited for several minutes, while Beverly, the secretary of the dean, called Chase's dad.

Dean Rivers was upset. "Are you joking? There is no such thing as a dead grandmother. No casuality, no funeral, hence no extra vacations!"

Chase was not stoppable, he grabbed the phone. "Dad? I've got an SMS saying that ... where is grandma?"

It turned out that the old lady was about recovering from the flu.

Apparently, the obituary SMS was a fake.

Spencer had a hard time convincing Dean Rivers that Chase had not tried to sneak some extra vacations with one of the oldest tricks.

Zoey and I, we decided to find the abominable culprits who were at the bottom of that awfully tasteless joke, and woe to them!

Who was most interested in ruining Chase's birthday?

This was an easy question, both for me and for Zoey.

We thundered unison: "Rebecca!" But how could we prove that heavy charge? We needed to ask some technology freaks for help.

Freddie was my first attempt. He knew that the SMS was under a fake name, that of Chase's mother. But he figured easily that it had not been sent from any cellular phone, but from some portal, using a portal that converted e-mail into SMS. He refused to hack into the portal, saying that only some creep like Nevel would do that.

Yes, Nevel was creepy, but he might have been our only hope. After an hour, he figured that it was the same computer from which Rebecca had once sent an e-mail to Chase.

Lola decided to get Rebecca to talk, by means of the multiply successful good cop - bad cop scheme. "Zoey, you're the good cop, I'm the bad one!" Lola grinned mischievously. As an actress, she was so convincing when she played the bad cop.

Lola and Zoey tortured Rebecca mercilessly with their inquisition.

After an hour, Rebecca admitted everything. "But I haven't been alone."

Zoey nodded. "Who was your henchman?"

Rebecca sighed. "Logan Reese!"

I was consternated. Logan was a real jerk and a rear orifice, but he had used to be a friend of Chase, hadn't he?

Rebecca shrugged. "Logan was upset because Zoey had dissuaded him from organising the beach party, and the bikinis, even more after it turned out that grandma Matthews was not able to come. Hence he ganged up with me on Chase and Zoey."

Shelby wanted to punch the living crap out of Rebecca and Logan.

Alas, I didn't want to see any blood.

Dean Rivers suspended Logan and Rebecca for two weeks, making it clear that anything like that again was going to get them expelled.

Alas, I wasn't sure that this was Logan's or Rebecca's last evil onslaught on Zoey and Chase.

As a side effect, Quinn had worn a pyjama with illumination at the party.

I suggested Zoey to combine Quinn's illumination with her wonderfuldesigns, especially her socks, as Spencer was probably going to be crazy for stuff like that. And I was right on spot.

Ever since, it was close to impossible to separate Spencer from his multicoloured socks with built-in light source.

* * *

** Chapter 37. Screaming**

* * *

The vicinity to Hollywood made our school ideal for aspiring actresses and actors.

Not without reason, Malcolm Reese, already mentioned king of the Hollywood giants, spent a considerable amount of money into the school.

Many aspiring actresses, as I've already mentioned, were, essentially, more or less annoying divas. Not less annoying was their practice for upcoming tryouts or shootings.

Those days, both Amber and Lola tried out for a short movie where they needed to scream a lot.

In consequence, we had to bear with a lot of screams without reason that made us fear the worst.

I still remembered Nicole Bristow's screams, who, at least, were honest, but those of Lola and Amber? One day, I would hear one of those divas squeal for real, and not react because I couldn't take them serious anymore.

I was sometimes equally annoyed by the experiments of our many science freaks.

Quinn and Shane were experimenting with strange bacteria, or whatever those beasts were named.

Quinn was done with her experiments, and she wanted to take a sample of her new bacteria, in a bubbling test tube, to Shane, so he may have admired her even more.

I really didn't want to know what was in that tube, and I just stepped out of Quinn's way.

Too bad Lola didn't think about that, she just thought of the wonderful movie she was going to shoot. She started practising again.

Amber was nearby, and she squealed at the top of her lungs as well.

I startled, and I took cover.

Unfortunately, Quinn startled too. For that reason, she dropped her test tube.

Those things were not infinitely stable, and hitting the stony pavement of the campus, the glass burst into smithereens, releasing its gross contents all over the campus.

I was flabbergasted.

Quinn grabbed her celular phone. "Quinn Pensky, campus of the Pacific Coast Academy. Is this Bio Hazard?"

Quinn appeared to know the number of the bio hazard central very well, and she even was familiar with many of the guys working there.

Shane came flying. "Oh my dear, sweetie, what happened?"

Quinn explained that her "estimated" Roomie Lola had started screaming for no reason, hence she dropped the tube ...

Now Lola had got a reason to scream.

Her squeal startled Amber, with the obvious consequence.

Shane reacted by grabbing his cellular phone. "Beverly, it's urgent, red bio hazard alert. The campus needs to be shut off hermetically until the bio hazard team, which is already informed, is in control of the situation."

The overhead speakers thundered an emergency message across the campus.

The bio hazard team had surrounded our campus in a paramilitaric manner.

We were chasesd back into our dormitory halls and lounges.

Trottman talked about the incident on the PCA News Channel.

I wished that some bacteria seized Jeremiah's hindside, and stuff.

Sam wanted to swallow some slice of ham, but the food may have been contaminated, so we were not allowed to eat it.

Freddie was equally disappointed. "My mother will go insane if she gets to know about dangerous bacteria, here on the campus."

I was so disappointed. But I wasn't sure whether to be mad at Lola and Amber, because of their screams, or at Shane and Quinn, due to their dangerous experiments.

On and off, some of the desinfection team entered our halls. They grabbed some of us for desinfection, and they tapped blood from us, using a giant syringe.

Dustin screamed when he saw the syringe, and he wasn't the only one to do so.

Scream, scream, scream ...

Many hours later, the bio freaks stepped in once more, declaring that Quinn's bacteria was harmless.

I sighed with relief, but I still was angry because everything had been in vain.

If only Freddie had been able to fetch the equipment for the web showfrom his dorm, enabling us to make a web show special reporting about our quarantine, but bear with it.

Back on the campus, I was consternated. Why was Stacey leaning her head against Spencer's chest? That was so fishy.

Spencer startled. "Oh, things are ... we were quarantined in a room together with some tall, blond rake named Denifer[[29]] . Stacey wanted a date with him. Alas, many other girls did the same, and, finally, Denifer trashed her for a busty blonde named Stephanie Javers, the sister of Chuck Javers. Stacey was so sad, and she still is, I allowed her to weep into my chest."

I sighed. Those tall hot rakes ... in the end, they were all jerks like Logan Reese. I had once been in a phase where I would have fallen in no time for that sort of guys, just in order to get disappointed to death, but now I'm over it. Dustin was way shorter than me, but he was such a loyal sweetie, after all. I wouldn't have exchanged him anymore for any rake.

It was so cool that Spencer was always there for his pupils, although the club was just one of his freelance tasks.

The quarantine had been the consequence of Amber's and Lola's fake squeals.

Alas, neither of them were accepted for the short movie by Malcolm Reese. Their screams were too sophisticated for the purposes of that skit.

But this didn't delay their career.

The music video we had made with David R. Culetta and Lola Martinez had made it to Sir Randolph Jay[[30]] , the big boss of the record production scene, and he offered David a record contract with a chick flick song featuring Lola, who was equally paid well.

We even did some funny clip for Amber, which impressed Malcolm Reese into making Amber a main cast member in his new skit show _Randomly[[31]]_

Quinn and Shane abandoned their experiments with potentially dangerous bacteria. But this did not mean that they refrained from dangerous experiments of any sort. They had been successful, and they were looking for a sponsor in order to patent their inventions, as some of them turned out as really useful. But they were disappointed when they failed in the state-wide science fair. Yet this was not a reason for them to give up on science.

But the hardest challenge for their self confidence as aspiring scientists was still to come, and I'm going to talk about it in a few ...

* * *

** Chapter 38. The G.O.**

* * *

While there were a lot of entertaining events on the campus, such as previously mentioned Open MIC Night, many of my comrades liked to have their own, portable entertainment.

The greatest hit were so-called G.O.s, little HiFi devices that allowed for storing and replaying loads of MP3s.

Although I liked to hear cool music, I did not know what an MP3 is.

The only one familiar with the details was Sam.

I strolled the campus, and I saw Chase Matthews, struggling with his G.O.

He looked really disappointed. "The old G.O. was cool whe it was new, but I do miss the features of the latest upgrade."

I sighed. "So why don't you buy a new one? Of the latest version, that is ..."

Chase moaned with disappointment. "It costs so much. Maybe I should ask money from my grandpa for it."

I understood Chase's problems wholeheartedly. So many new things that I wanted to have, and so little money to buy them.

Chase made already extra jobs for Kazu's Sushi Rocks, but he was still incredibly far from being able to afford to buy all that he wanted.

I remarked that my grandfather would be too grumpy to send me money for a new G.O.

Chase sighed. "You're right. Their generation doesn't really understand our needs for latest technology."

Both of us moaned with despair. Was their really no way to get at something as cool as the latest G.O.?

I talked about this problem to Freddie and Sam.

Freddie swooned, and he started talking about the improved technology of the latest version of the G.O. in detail. "20 per cent more compression, faster decompression, filtered streaming, download from sites like iTunes with registered pay pal code, ..."

I didn't understand half of the words he used.

Sam grunted. "I told you to grow up." She probably understood a lot more about the stuff, but she didn't want Freddie to annoy me with details.

I grumbled. "If you know so much about G.O. technology, why don't you assemble a G.O.?"

Freddie and Sam glared at each other. Were they really up to doing so?

Freddie scratched his head. "Maybe we could do that, with Shane's and Quinn's help, even with Fireweirdo's, if it has to be."

I sighed. "That would be great!"

Quinn, Shane, Freddie, and Sam sat around a table in my dorm, bowing over a bunch of pieces of metal and scrambled wires that Spencer had fetched from the local junk yard.

I did not understand half of the words they were talking.

Freddie said that Spencer needed to borrow his welding- and soldering set unto them before they could do this or that, whatever.

"OK, guys," said I, "I'm now going to watch Lola's love comedy in the cinema, with Dustin, Shelby, and Kenny."

Freddie and Sam ignored me completely, too deep were their thoughts involved in the process of assembling a G.O. from pieces of junk.

The new G.O. clone looked odd, but if it worked, we would be happy.

Freddie rendered the little thing unto Chase. "The buttons are similar to the old G.O., just press the green button, where the yellow one used to be, and where there should really be a blue one."

Chase was slightly confused, but ... "OK!" He shrugged his shoulders, before he tried to use the miraculous product of modern technology.

Quinn explained that they had already stored a sound track of David 's and Lola's music video.

Chase was keen on listening to that track. He pushed the buttons. "Cool! Much better than the old G.O.!" He smiled. "But what is the grey button for?"

"The grey button?" wondered Sam and Freddie unison.

"Please, don't touch it,"begged Quinn, but in vain.

Shane wanted to add that this feature had not yet been tested, but it was too late.

Suddenly, all the loudspeakers on the campus started to play Culetta's song at top fortitude.

Quinn was flabbergasted. "Seems to work?"

Many pupils were consternated.

While David's song was popular, it was annoying to hear it that way while they needed some silence in order to be able to concentrate on studying.

Dean Rivers was really upset. Fortunately, he did not know where the annoying sound was coming from. He did not really approve of modern music.

And there were other side effects, too.

The next day, Missy complained that she had been under the showers when the music started playing. "The temperature of the water started varying with the frequency of the music, while the throughput of the water varied with the fortitude of the sound. That was horrible!"

Sam went pale. "Sorry!"

Missy grunted. "Next time, I'll throw a bomb that blows your hindside apart, rhythmically, of course!"

Spencer reported that his car had started dancing to the tune. "That's probably down to the fact that I have assembled my car from junk found at the same yard as the pieces of the new MP3 Player."

The ring tone on Sandy's cellular phone had been overridden by the G.O.

Many more complaints were still going to join those.

Sam was desperate. Apparently, she needed to work more on the otherwise cool thing, along with Freddie, Shane, and Quinn.

Over a week later, our four aspiring master engineers were done with the revision of their masterpiece of modern technology.

Too bad that they had invested a considerable amount of time and materials into the tuning of the side effects, almost defying the purpose of making it a cheap alternative to the latest version of the G.O.

Maybe random junk was not the optimal raw material for a new G.O. workalike?

Quinn beamed. "OK, I've sold the collection of my toe nails."

I looked flabbergasted.

Quinn grinned. "Socko has found some kinky freak who pays me 10,000 bucks for the nails from my extraneous toe, as they are very rare, and hard to get at."

I almost threw up. "That's so gross!"

The money from the deal with the toe nails covered the costs of the research, making up for the damage that the whole thing had caused on the campus, but our friends could not afford to continue the production.

Nevertheless, the guys from the G.O. company had seen one of our iCarly specials, where we introduced the little electronic beasts.

Thereupon, Freddie, Sam, Shane, and Quinn were offered a contract by G.O. as freelance engineers.

They also offered money for the right to patent the extra features that they had discovered. Of course, they were happy about it, as it was a big chance for them.

* * *

** Chapter 39. Melinda Strikes Back**

* * *

The cooperation with G.O. was the climax of the young career of my tech freak friends.

Alas, too soon, their hopes were going to be overshadowed.

Our school had a long tradition in the field of science and engineering, but we had not won any state-wide , let alone national, science fair, nor did any of the candidates for the Nobel Prize for physics, biology, or chemistry ever come from our campus.

Zoey told me that the winner of the national science fair, Ms. Paige Howard from Boulder, Colorado, was coming to the PCA. "Not only will she evaluate the school, but also give a demonstration of her latest invention, which made her trump the science fair. I don't know zilch about science, but Dean Rivers has appointed me as guide for Paige."

I shrugged. "Fine, you know, I'm not much of a tech freak, either. But Freddie and Sam will certainly look forward to meeting that Paige girl."

Zoey nodded. "Quinn is already busily preparing a few things to impress Paige. She has updated her science blog, with stuff I don't understand, just to see Paige's astonishment."

I shrugged. "Freaks ..."

Freddie and Sam were much less excited by the visit than Shane and Quinn, as they were essentially just applied engineers, and not much into the deeper secrets of science, such as Einstein's general theory of relativity, or Heisenberg's quantum mechanics, neither of which were they looking forward to understand.

Freddie told me that Quinn was working on an anti-gravitation chamber.

I didn't really know what that was about, and, having learned from my experiences with Quinn's inventions, I preferred definitely to stay away from her diabolic experiments.

Freddie and Sam would have appreciated Quinn's works more if they had seen what, if anything at all, they were useful for.

We were not curious because of her scientific achievements, but Dustin and I, we would have invited Paige to a smoothie, if she was nice. That's the only reason we were trying to spot the little genius.

According to Zoey, Paige was in my age, so she was going to stay in my hall over night, before returning to Colorado. "Paige is, of course, particularly interested in visiting our science classes, especially the lab classes, but also pre-lab physics with Mr. Beringer."

I was a bit abhorred by Mr. Beringer's dry way of teaching physics, it was hardly understandable what the whole crap was supposed to be useful for. For that avail, I refused to comment on that part of Paige's visit.

Zoey also explained that Paige was particularly interested in visiting Quinn's private lab. "She has read Quinn's science blog, and she's very much interested in her take on quantum physics and general theory of relativity ... don't ask me what that is!"

I really didn't want to know it, either. So I was waiting for the evening hours.

I was sitting in my lounge, next to Dustin. We were watching PCA News.

"PCA News Channel, this is Jeremiah Trottman. Today, our school is honoured by the visit of Ms. Paige Howard from Boulder, Colorado. She has won this year's scientific award. Zoey Brooks is fetching her, oh, there they are ..." Jeremiah was excited.

I was totally flabbergasted.

Same was valid for Dustin. "She looks like you!"

I nodded solemnly. "Strangely, I do know one girl who does ... Megan, the little sister of rock legend Drake." I told him about my encounter with the diabolic teenager, like two years ago.

Dustin was scared. "For me, you will always be unique."

I smiled, and I hugged Dustin.

Shelby snuck up to us. She was equally surprised, but she had something more to say. "Lola told me that Quinn and Shane are so much enervated, because Paige is younger and smarter. Quinn and Shane consider seriously giving up on science."

I groaned. "I have to tell Socko about that. I know that he will be there for Quinn, if she's in such a crisis."

I wondered whether Quinn, Shane, and Paige had already blown up some stuff.

Shelby shook her head. "But Quinn had experimented with her anti-graffitti-chamber, using Lola's new cellular phone as a target. The phone is now a goo of plastic and metal. Paige fixed the chamber, and everything worked nicely. This gave Shane and Quinn the creeps. They totally envy Paige!"

I was scared. When I met Megan, she said that she was not into science. But I've noticed many little details that would enable people to distinguish me from Megan. Alas, the same details applied, as far as I could tell it from the screen, applied to Paige. Were they one and the same person? That idea gave me the creeps.

Zoey walked in, followed by Paige. "OK, this is your hall for tonight. Don't be shocked, the girl that is going to help you looks a lot like you."

I was totally consternated. Sure, Zoey had chosen me because I was the class president, and the nicest girl in the hall. But she knew very well that it would confuse me. But bear with it!

I stood up, and shook Paige's hands.

That was another detail that reminded me of Megan.

Alas, I tried to keep this a secret.

Paige, inspite of Zoey's warning, was surprised too. She looked at me in a diabolic manner, totally unlike the impression she had given on the screen.

Too powerful was my consternation to ask Paige outright whether she was really Megan Parker.

Saying close to nothing, I guided Paige to her room, which she had to share with Karen Franklin.

She thanked me, albeit in a subliminally sarcastic manner.

She sent me back to the lounge, whence I had found the time to inform Socko.

Quinn's brother promised to take the night plane from Seattle to Los Angeles, coming to Quinn's rescue.

I met Zoey again, she was trying to calm Dustin. She knew now about Megan. "But Paige appears to me totally nice."

I shrugged. "Something is fishy!"

Zoey also told me that it was strange that Paige appeared to know a lot more about teh PCA than expected. "She almost found her way on her own."

The next day was planned to host the great demonstration of Paige's power plant, the masterwork that got her granted the first prize in the national science fair.

I preferred to watch from the lounge, along with Dustin, Freddie, and Sam. I sent Socko into Quinn's room, telling him to comfort his sister. "She has even blown up the trash bin when she threw away some of her experiments."

Trottman talked like an idiot - again.

Dean Rivers gave a more than boring and annoying speech, talking about the honour the Pacific Coast Academy received from Paige's visit.

The engine was started.

Paige checked the numbers. For some minutes, she appeared content, but, after that, the whole thing started to change. "Your worship," said she to Dean Rivers, "you should give orders to evacuate the campus. That's serious!"

Fits of panic seized us students. _Was the whole thing going to blow up on us?_

The headmaster grabbed his megaphone.

Of course, we had practised several cases of emergency, and the quarantine caused by Quinn's bacteria had not been fun at all, but those exercises were worth little in practice.

Paige also begged all those among us who knew a lot about science and technology to help her fix the problem.

I saw how Socko talked Quinn back onto the campus, apparently urging her to help Paige.

All of a sudden, Sam stormed out on us, rushing through the stampeding crowds. She held a curved needle in her hands.

While Paige, Shane, and Quinn were still riddling, Nevel talked about the impending dystopia. "Evacuation and hiding will be pointless. We are now all going to rue the day! Gloom and doom are upon us! Wake and pray for not being sent into eternal damnation, like vulgar sinners, but for being raised as saints!"

Firewire had talked about stuff like that earlier on, and he had fled with his pals into the wilderness before the experiment started. He told us that he had sensed that something was fishy, but he wasn't believed by anyone.

Now I saw Sam stick the curved needle into one of the slots of the engine.

All of a sudden, the whole engine came to a halt.

Sam grinned mischievously. "That was easy!"

Paige grumbled. "Damn, it's over!" She glared in a manner that was too typical for Megan Parker.

I decided to join them. "Megan Parker!"

Paige, or, better, Megan, looked like stoned. "Carly Shay! Damnit!" She sighed bitterly. "Yes, I'm Megan Parker. I've been paid in order to spread despair all over the campus, paying you back for what you did to my boss."

I groaned. "So, who is your boss?"

A girl came crawling forth from the bushes.

I recognised her on site. "Melinda Crenshaw!" Hell, how could I have forgotten that Melinda and the Parkers lived in the same disctrict of San Diego?

Melinda explained that she was on and off engaged to Megan's step-brother Joshuah. "I hate you!"

The security guards seized Mindy and Megan, leading them away.

Finally, normality had returned to the PCA.

Quinn and Shane were looking forward to even more fun with scientific experiments, but they promised to be more careful.

Spencer talked Megan successfully out of trouble, though, as she was younger than Mindy, but he forced her to be nicer to Drake and Josh, in turn.

Sam, of course, was celebrated as our greatest hero of all times.

Alas, this was soon going to be subject to change ...

** End Of First Part of Third Season**

* * *

** Chapter 40. Customer Of The Week**

* * *

One of the traditional events of our school was a dance contest that took place each third year.

Dustin told me that Zoey wished so much to participate in the contest, but she had no partner.

"Won't Chase dance with her?" I shrugged.

Unfortunately, Chase was not really experienced in dancing.

Dustin sighed. "I wish Chase were as good a dancer as Zoey."

I nodded. "I fear that Zoey needs someone else. Or someone needs to teach Chase how to dance."

Dustin had got the same idea. "Didn't Spencer rock the hell out of the campus, back when we had our Macalana fest?"

I nodded. "Sure, he will like to teach Chase dancing!" I high-fived Dustin.

Sam came back from the campus. "That sucks! I had to wait in the queue for a cup of coffee and a bagel. It took me over ten minutes."

I shrugged. "I can't stand that Calvin guy, but he appears to be the only one to sell coffee on campus, except a few vendor machines in the lounges, or the cafeteria, but only in the morning."

We all agreed that the machines sucked a lot, and they weren't to be trusted.

Sam told us that this was not coffee, but laundry sewage. "I want my javaccino with fresh milk and raw sugar, not with milk powder and sugar surrogate."

I understood Sam's concerns. "I hate waiting in the queue, too!"

"So do I," remarked Dustin, "alas, who does not hate waiting?"

Freddie moaned. "If only I were the customer of the week."

I scratched my head. "What is a customer of the week?"

Freddie explained that Calvin selected each week a lucky student who did not have to wait in the queue, and probably got his coffee for free, and the other stuff at a low price. This week, it's Darla Roberts.

"Cool," smiled Sam. "what do we have to do in order to be elected _Customer Of The Week?_"

Freddie shrugged. "Nobody knows. Maybe if we make ads for Calvin in our webcast?"

I shuddered with disgust. "Calvin is such a jerk, I couldn't do that."

Sam nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly.

It was time for the boys to leave the girls' halls.

Dustin and Freddie waved at us, and then they walked away.

At the same time, Shelby came back from a date with Kenny."Hi gals!"

I smiled. "Hi Shelby! I've heard that Lola talks in such a strange manner, using nasalised vowels, and all that crap."

Shelby giggled. "She's practising for a rôle where she does have to talk with a French accent." Shelby chuckled while she tried to imitate Lola's words.

I shrugged. "Drama queens ... as if those abhorring screams had not been enough, now they have to sound outlandish." I tried to say that in a French manner, but I failed ridiculously.

The next day, I met Spencer. "Hi, what are you doing with those tools?"

Spencer chuckled. "I'm going to repair Calvin's cart. It squeals a lot."

I wondered. "Since when are you doing stuff like that."

Spencer replied: "Since there's that _Customer of the week_ thing. I love free coffee! And I hate waiting."

I chuckled. "Guessed so. I have no clue what to try ... I can't repair things, and Calvin's too much of a jerk, I can't praise his cart in my web show. It disgusts me too much"

Spencer pitied me.

Then I asked Spencer to teach Chase dancing.

Spencer grinned. "OK, after I'm back from repairing the cart!"

Dustin entered my lounge. "Hi sweets!"

I waved at him. "Hi, honeybunny! Spencer is ready to teach Chase dancing."

Dustin smiled, but: "Zoey is not very patient. She asked me to ask out someone else, on her behalf."

I choked. "Whom?" It was hard to undrstand why Zoey needed Dustin to ask some boy, she wasn't really timid.

Dustin grinned. "Gibby!"

I coughed. "Oh my goodness! Gibby?"

Dustin nodded. "He has impressed her mightily with his topless table dance."

My eyes bugged out. "He sure did, but I would never have expected your big sis to choose someone from our classes."

Dustin shrugged. "Neither did I!"

I mentioned that Shane and Freddie were trying to invent a new coffee machine.

Dustin so knew why they did that. "Customer of the week ..."

I nodded solemnly. "People do the craziest things for that!"

Spencer bounded in, followed by Chase.

They squealed like infants.

Spencer yelled. "Carly! Fetch the fire extinguisher!"

I shrugged and did it.

Dustin's eyes bugged out. "Their butts are on fire!"

I span around. Dustin was right. I squirted foam at their blazing hindsides. "What happened?"

Chase moaned. "Thanks! Your bro just taught me the firecracker dance."

Spencer giggled. "The firecracker, that's purest passion, and wildest emotions."

Dustin chuckled. "Emotions spreading like wildfire. Too bad, Zoey might dance with Gibby instead."

Chase sighed. "OK, at least I've tried to."

Spencer nodded. "What do we guys need to dance with girls, anyways. It's a whole lot fun dancing with other boys!"

Chase smiled, and high-fived Spencer.

Dustin grinned. "By the way, Harper will perform at the dance contest, with his guitar. He will do the rock music, while Nevel will add some classics, using a piano."

Stacey stumbled in, weeping.

Spencer was touched. "Stacey?" He offered her his side to cry on.

Stacey reported. "I have made a cotton swab model of the coffee cart, and then I gave it to Calvin, you know, for the customer of the week stuff, but he took it, and threw it right into the trashbin."

I shook my head. Stacey might have been annoying, but this did not give jerks like Calvin the permit to treat her like the last dirt.

Stacey sobbed a bit, and she felt a lot better.

Chase concluded that that _Customer of the Week_ crap was going to kill them all.

Spencer nodded. "I wager that Logan just bribes Calvin into making him the favourite customer."

I sighed. "You're probably so right, bro!"

Shelby told me that Logan had bribed the advisors of the drama club successfully into choosing Amber instead of Lola, although her cousin spoke with a perfect French accent.

I was so consternated. Logan gets away with everything, just because he's the richest jerk of the USA.

Now we were all waiting around Calvin's cart.

Calvin used to display the lucky customer's picture on a table next to the cart. He had veiled the picture, but he was now about removing the blanket. "And this week's customer is ... Carly Shay!"

Many others applauded, but those who had tried hard to impress Calvin, those pupils and staff memebrs were really upset.

Logan was downright angry.

I was curious what I had done to deserve this.

Calvin explained. "The best customer will always be a hot girl, she gets gratis coffee, and she doesn't have to wait in the queue, so we may make out on and off ..."

Now I was really angry. "I certainly won't make out with such a filthy jerk," yelled I, at the very top of my lungs. "Besides, I've already got Dustin Brooks, who is really sweet." I pulled Dustin into a hug.

Dustin grumbled. "What a creep, that Calvin guy!"

Freddie and Sam were equally annoyed. They stepped up to the counter, and they kicked the cart, hard! Unfortunately, they hurt their feet.

Shelby released a deafening _Kiai_, when she drove her feet, and the edges of her hands, into Calvin's cart, making it keel over from the impact.

Tracy Baldwin grabbed Calvin, and she dragged and pushed the protesting jerk into the fountain, as she had once done unto Logan Reese.

I applauded furiously.

Zoey sighed when she saw that Chase had been struggling to learn dancing. "Sorry, I didn't know you were trying."

Chase moaned. "I wanted it to be a surprise for you."

Zoey kissed Chase tenderly. "That's so sweet. But I've already promised Gibby to dance with him." She shrugged.

Chase sighed. "That's OK! Good luck at the dance!" He hugged his girl tightly.

Shirtless Gibby and conventionally outfitted Zoey danced the night away, both in the classic and in the rock sector.

None of the umpires dared to judge against them.

I came to learn that waiting in the queue wasn't necessarily that bad, as long as you waited together with a few good friends, which could even be a lot of fun.

* * *

** Chapter 41. Talent Show**

* * *

Another traditional event at our school was the talent show for middle school pupils.

I wondered what to do.

Freddie and Sam had decided to shoot clips for our next web show.

I would have liked to moderate the show, but this was an official task for Jeremiah and Wendy, hence I better shut up.

Dustin needed an assistant for performing a cool trick: "Saw a virgin into half!"

I wasn't afraid of this, alas, I wished to do something more active.

Dustin understood that. "OK, I am going to ask others first. But if you change your mind, you're still welcome, provided that nobody has got the guts to assist me."

I nodded, as that sounded fair.

Freddie told me that the next web show session, featuring the highlights of the talent show, was the first edition based off the latest version of Quinndoze QP, an operational system invented by Quinn Pensky, with the assistance of Shane.

I didn't really know what he was talking about. "OK, sounds cool!" I plastered a faked enthusiastic smile.

It was the morning of the show.

Dustin told me that he had not found a partner. "Scooter, the boy next door, was terribly afraid of the saw. He had been hit in the legs by some iron when he was small, now he walks like a duck."

I sighed. "Whom else did you ask?"

Dustin sighed. "Lola Martinez, for she's very popular with the boys here, but she is busy tonight. She babysits Mr. Bender's toddler."

I swooned. I had been babysitting for some of our teachers, too, and I knew the little sweetie. He was so cute. "By the way, I haven't yet found anything, so if you still want ..."

Dustin hugged me. "But of course. We're going to practice after lunch."

That was OK with me.

I waved at Dustin, and strolled the campus, running into Chase. "Hi! Tonight, Dustin will saw me into half!"

Chase shuddered. "Eeew!"

I chuckled. "It's a trick, nothing bad will happen. Will Zoey and you watch us?"

Chase grumbled. "Zoey sure can't, as she's going to the presentation of the lastest book of some J.T. Hawthorne."

I nodded. "J.T. is cool." Alas, I was a bit disappointed that Zoey wasn't able to come and cheer for her little brother, I knew how much that meant to him, even if he feigned that he was all grown up, and not in need of his elder sister. It wasn't much different between me and Spencer. Well, at least Spencer was coming to watch and cheer for me, wasn't he? "But what about you?"

Chase shrugged. "Firewire and his cartoon freak club hunts me, as they know that my uncle had a shop that sold cartoons when I was young, and I still know quite a bit stuff. It's similar to Logan and chemistry, we aren't proud of our knowledge."

I nodded. "OK, I really think that Firewire is a bit too old for toons. Good luck hiding from them!"

I met Spencer in the cafeteria. "Hi, I'm going to assist Dustin tonight at the talent shop. He's going to saw me into half." I grinned.

Spencer scratched his head. "Oh, that talent show ... how good for you!"

"Aren't you coming to cheer for us," wondered I.

Spencer sighed. "Sorry, but I can't."

I pouted.

Spencer moaned with regret. "I've already promised unto Zoey to take her in my car to a library, half an hour from here. A certain Jadie Horton ..."

I grumbled noisily. "J.T. Hawthorne!" I was so disappointed. Why did my brother have to take out Dustin's sister for the evening, instead of both of them watching and cheering for us during our great moment? That was totally unfair!

Zoey stumbled in. "Hey! At six p.m. at the parking lot," she reminded Spencer.

My brother nodded solemnly. "I'll be there, right in time. I'm even wearing this watch, look!" He tried to fit the watch better around his wrists.

Suddenly, a laser beam shot forth from his watch, perforating my cup of smoothie.

I grunted.

Spencer coughed. "Oops! That was Quinn's wristwatch ..."

Zoey shook her head. "Oh, Carly, Dustin told me that you will be his assistant. You might want to look particularly cool tonight, that's why you may use my lipgloss, and the eyelash paint, and stuff." She gave me a cosmetic kit. "Just take it back to my dorm when you're done, Lola will be there ..."

I was thankful for the stuff, "Lola and Mr. Bender's toddler ..."

Zoey nodded solemnly. She waved at us, and she walked away. "Good luck for the show!"

I plastered a grin.

Spencer looked again at his watch, perforating his own lunch with a laser beam. "OK, I have to help Stacey with a cotton swab model of the pyramids of Gizeh. See you later." He stood up, waved and gone was he.

I grunted. Zoey, Stacey ... why were all those soph girls all of a sudden more important to him than his little sister? Of course, Zoey would never have used Spencer to cheat on Chase, and that Spencer was essentially just Stacey's example to live up to, and an occasional shoulder to cry on, but it was really unfair.

Assisting Mr. Bender, Trottman moderated the show, which gave me the creeps.

At least Chase had come to cheer for us. He figured that the toon freaks weren't going to look for him in here.

Trottman commanded Dustin and me to enter the stage.

Dustin told a few words, while I climbed into the black box, smiling sweetly.

Dustin started sawing.

I chuckled, trying to fool the viewers."Eew, that tickles,"

Dustin kept on sawing. "OK, when Spencer comes back from downtown, he may admire his half-sisters."

I grinned mischievously.

Then he reunited the pieces. "Abracadabra!" He opened the lock.

I climbed from the box, in one piece, making the audience gasp. I smiled around, then I hugged Dustin.

Applauded by the masses, we returned into the audience.

Chase stuck both of his thumbs up for us.

Then Dustin's friend Scooter entered the stage. He was dressed as a duck, exactly like Mandy.

The two of them had found each other just a few days ago. Now they danced the duck dance, hand in hand, side by side. They were so cute together. "Quack! Quack!"

Shelby, Kenny, and Duke each performed a few martial stunts.

Gibby danced, once more, topless on a table, accompanied by Sandy Baldwin, who kept on clapping her hands rhythmically.

Melanie and Missy performed a few more or less lame skits.

Harper gave a solo performance with his guitar.

The last number was Nevel Papperman. He announced to play a piano. "You will hear a classical funeral song: _Dies Irae, Dies Illa_, by Thomas of Celan, in the version of Giuseppe Verdi."

We cried with disgust. "Lame!"

Nevel glared at us with mischief, and he grunted when he started hitting the keys.

I sensed something scary.

After a few scores, Nevel took his fingers off the piano, and it started playing almost automatically.

We wondered what was going on.

Nevel grinned. "Let's see what's going on in there!" He opened the cover of the piano.

A billowing cloud of fog and dust rose from the guts of the noble instrument.

Nevel said a few latin words. "_Solve et coagula_[[32]] !"

The puff of smoke blew a yard away from the piano, and then condensed into a human outline, and precisely ...

Nevel grinned. "Magic Malika!"

I was consternated. How could that be? Malika doesn't fit into a piano, there's not enough space left ... but she had been really scary and surprising at the Halloween party, too.

Nevel and Malika harvested a lot of applause.

Even I couldn't help clapping, as scary as it had been.

Dustin pressed himself against me, he was even more scared.

Obviously, Nevel and Malika had to be declared the winners of the talent shop.

I was disappointed, but not too much. The second prize wasn't too bad. Now I had to return the makeup kit that I had borrowed from Zoey. I had knocked at Zoey's dorm, where Lola should have been. Funny sounds, but no reply!

Sam took a curved wire, and opened the door for my sake.

I entered the dorm, seeing Lola making out with David R. "Lola! Where's Mr. Bender's kid?"

Lola was flabbergasted. "Oops!"

Zoey's belongings were all scrambled.

We found the toddler in the closet, rummaging all the way.

I was not really looking forward to Zoey's reactions, or Quinn's for that matter.

Zoey and Quinn were really upset.

Zoey comforted me and Dustin, as we had only been runners up, but she was glad that she had been able to talk J.T. into coming to the Pacific Coast Academy, as an adviser for the literature club.

I smiled, because that club had hitherto been almost dead.

* * *

** Chapter 42. Barbecue**

* * *

Dustin came into my lounge as soon as it was open for the boys. "My great uncle Morris has just died."

I sighed. "Sorry!"

Dustin shrugged. "It's OK, as I haven't even known him. But now he has left a vanload of pork chops for Zoey."

Sam's mouth turned watery. "So, your uncle Morris was a pig?"

I grumbled. "Sam!"

She pouted.

Dustin shook his head. "He was apparently into the meat industry."

Sam beamed. "Why did you never introduce me to him?"

I poked Sam's ribs. She could be really tasteless.

Dustin sighed. "Now Zoey is looking for a place to store them."

Sam pointed at her tummy. "I know the best possible place for storing pork chops." She belched.

I shook my head. "A whole van's load? Sorry, but not even you may devour that much that fast."

Sam grunted. "Do you want to bet?"

I shook my head. "Thanks, but no. By the way, the ribs are probably raw or deep-frozen."

Sam shuddered with disgust.

I giggled gleefully.

Dustin shrugged. "Probably, I mean, they would rot too fast if not cooled. Hence we have to be fast. Maybe a barbecue fest, next Sunday?"

Sam beamed.

We needed a responsible adult for the event.

Sam had no difficulties talking Spencer into doing that.

Spencer told us about the times when he and Socko were in a summer camp, together with 30 kids they had never met before, and they had the greatest barbecue party in the history of barbecue parties.

Dean Rivers approved of Zoey's plans. "And I've been in LA today, and guess whom I have met? Pierre Le Mange from the cooking channel!"

Pierre walked in. "Hi!"

Sam's eyes bugged out. She was a regular viewer of cooking channel. "Pierrrre ..." She swooned.

Freddie glared jealously at Pierre Le Mange.

Alas, something in Sam's eyes told me that she did not trust the renowned TV cook.

Spencer shook the hand of the star cook. "You will be the umpire of our barbecue contest, right?"

Le Mange grinned, and he nodded solemnly. "That will be an honour for me!"

I had decided to make the barbecue fest a subject of another special of our web show.

We tweenies were not allowed to operate a barbecue set, thus we did not get to participate as contestants, anyways.

Sam and I, we interviewed some of the participants.

It turned out that Logan and Michael were arguing over barbecue sauces. There was Logan's rib rub, and there was Michael's marinade.

Sam didn't care. She tasted both of them, moaning with glee. Then she took a waterproof marker, and she wrote over the chest of topless Gibby "Pork Chops", with and arrow pointing at his ribcage.

Gibby and Dustin had been hired by elder pupils for some auxiliary tasks, such as mixing dips.

Nevel was disgusted by pork, as pigs were full of germs and vermin, but he wanted to make tapenade for the others.

Le Mange walked in, inspecting the place. "Looks great!"

Nevel walked up to Le Mange. "Do you want to taste from my tapenade?"

Le Mange croaked. "Terpentine? What would I want with terpentine?" He slapped Nevel's hands, making him drop the bowl of tapenade.

Nevel sobbed, and started weeping.

Sam shook her head. She stepped up to Nevel, and grabbed him. Then she dragged him into my direction. "Let's disappear into that corner!"

I shrugged, but I followed Sam.

Nevel protested in vain.

Sam sighed when we reached the corner. "OK, Nevel offered Le Mange some tapenade. He's a six-star-cook, but he doesn't know what tapenade is. Come on, how does that match?"

Nevel was struck by Sam's smartness. He had always thought of her as brainless. "He called it 'terpentine', what an idiot."

My eyes bugged out. "That's true, so you think ..."

Sam groaned. "Can I get any more obvious? Le Mange is a fake! I've seen cooking channel for over three years, with reruns and rereruns. The real Le Mange knows every dip that is out there, with hundreds of variations. And I know how the real Le Mange talks, how he moves, how ..."

Nevel choked. "He's going to rue the day! Until dystopia will he rue it!"

I grinned. "Yes, he will! Sam, I believe you. We have to inform Dean Rivers."

Sam had hoped to manage this in her own way.

"I know what you want to do," remarked I, "but that would be mean and illegal."

Sam moaned with disappointment.

Dean Rivers was disappointed, because he had fallen for a mean imposter. _We need to deal with this in a way that is least obnoxious for the prestige of our school._

"Push him secretly down the elevator shaft," suggested Sam.

I poked her.

Fortunately, Dean Rivers had not understood what Sam had been talking about.

"That's Seattle slang, what Sam meant, is ..." I scratched my head. "Well, better get him arrested secretly before the fest, thus the police doesn't need to intervene in the midst of thousands of pupils and staff members."

Dean Rivers nodded. "OK, Ms. Shay. I've got to call the police right now. Beverly!"

I sighed with relief.

A few minutes later, the police had sent Officer Carl[[33]] and Stu Staimbler[[34]] in order to arrest the charlatan.

Apparently, the fraudulent deceiver had already cheated more than twice, but he had escaped so far.

Sam was going to be awarded with 500 bucks for the valuable information.

Dean Rivers opened the barbecue fest with some annoying speech. "And, as we have to do without our star cook, the decision will be a democratic one, you, the pupils and staff members, are going to vote on the best barbecue team!"

We applauded wholeheartedly.

Spencer operated one of the grills. "OK, let's make the charcoals glow, and then you will see the best ribs, ever."

Alas, Spencer had not even started kindling the charcoals, when a flame shot aloft from the barbecue set, almost searing us.

"Oops!" Spencer went pale. "Oh, Stacey will help me, and there she is!"

I was a bit disappointed because Stacey was in Spencer's team, but I had to accept that, as he appeared to be the only friend that Stacey ever had.

Logan Reese grumbled. "And I had paid Le Mange 500 bucks for letting us win. I want my money back!"

Freddie recorded Logan's statement for the web show.

Michael moaned. "I had given Le Mange a real backrub massage, like those by my grandma. I want my massage back!"

Freddie recorded even that.

Needless to say, most of the pork chops ended up in Sam's stomach.

Sam was now totally addicted to porkchops with tapenade.

Freddie counted the seconds. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I smiled. "OK, tomorrow, the kids at our school will vote on the winner of the barbecue challenge. But we are already showing you the highlights today." I grinned.

Freddie started the clips.

Logan and Michael were reveiled as having tried to cheat by means of bribery.

I grinned. "Oops, it seems that this will have an influence on the votes. A few participants will have to be disqualified!" I was sad, because this meant that Zoey, who had assisted Michael, and Chase, who had assisted Logan, had to be eliminated from the contest. But I knew that they were going to forgive us, because they would not have helped their friends, had they known that they were likely to cheat, just because of their stupid arguments over marinade and rib rub.

Sam belched and moaned a lot. "One of the twenty pork chops that I have swallowed was probably spoiled."

I chuckled noisily.

Freddie offered Sam a warm and tender belly rub, which was probably going to relieve her stomach's pains.

Zoey sighed, but she acknowledged that we had done the right thing.

Chase did the same.

The two of them learned from their mistakes, and they decided to participate in a future challenge of this kind only together as a team, not against each other, regardless of Michael's and Logan's bickering.

But who won the contest?

The majority of the pupils decided in favour of team Spencer and Stacey, a few cotton swab sticks in the barbecue sauce notwithstanding.

* * *

** Chapter 43. Redstone Gulch**

* * *

I've already talked about Mr. Bender as an example of a good teacher, but, unfortunately, there were also a bunch of black sheep at the Pacific Coast Academy.

One particularly mean beast was Mr. Hotchins, a teacher for economy and social sciences who had already been at the school when my grandpa was still a pupil, yeah, that was like fifty years before my time.

So far, I was lucky to avoid him, but Chase and Zoey were in one of his classes, just like Michael, Logan, and Stacey.

Logan and Michael spread rumours that in his first year, Hotchins had scared a pupil named Charles Galloway away from the campus, making him flee into the barren wastelands.

Galloway was supposed to have died in a spot called Redstone Gulch.

I was scared, and I was going to ask my grandfather about Charles Galloway.

The answer: "Yes, there was one Charles Galloway, back in my times at the Pacific Coast Academy. Mr. Hotchins had been really unfair and mean to him. He fled from the campus. But I haven't got any clue as to why Charles is supposed to have died in Redstone Gulch. He has never been seen in the civilised world again, so it's supposed that he must have died somewhere in the wilderness, and, when he was declared dead, they had to write something. But nobody had ever seen him dying, no matter where and when."

I shrugged. The whole thing scared me a lot.

As usual, Freddie and Sam refused to believe in anything scary or unnatural.

Logan Reese wanted to go on a trip for Redstone Gulch, so he could boast with verifying the story, and make a movie about the vanquished ex-pupil.

Michael chimed in.

Quinn wanted to test some of her latest quinnventions during the quest for the unknown tomb, such as a set of five telescopes which she called a quinnocular, allowing her to see many thing usually hidden to the human eye.

Chase and Zoey were not really interested in that legend. Alas, they hated Mr. Hotchins, so they decided, against my warning, and the fact that they were not allowed to go on such a field trip without permission of their parents or the school admin, and not without a responsible adult.

Unfortunately, a "responsible" adult was not hard to find.

Spencer stood in their lounge, rigged and ready for a trip into the wastelands. He told the highschool kids how he had once gone on a field trip through the wild mountains of Yakima with Socko, and stuff.

Zoey, Chase, Michael, Quinn, Logan, and Spencer got equipped for the long march into the wastelands.

All of a sudden, Freddie and Sam showed up. "Don't go without us," screamed my best friends. "We need to make a special about the dead guy for iCarly."

My warnings fell like silent raindrops.

And they were gone.

I watched Shelby punching a few sand bags in our dorm. "There are certainly coyotes and mountain lions out there."

Shelby grinned. "I would punch those beasts all the way to Mexico."

Dustin walked in. "Hi, I'm afraid. I don't want Zoey to die out there."

I nodded, as I was not ready to lose Spencer, either. I hugged Dustin tightly. "And Freddie, and Sam? Mrs. Benson would go through hell if she knew."

Dustin sobbed, and nodded. "And then they are looking for a tomb. Who had burried that Charles guy, anyways?"

I shuddered. "Dunno, that creeps me, now that you say it."

Dustin held me tighter. "Don't unblessed tombs lead to bad luck, anyways? I mean, reverends don't talk that boring stuff at funerals for no reason."

I had to ponder about it. Wasn't it bad enough to disturb the silence of the tomb? The tomb of Galloway was probably under a curse ... As much as I was scared by Nevel Papperman, I feared that he was the only one to know details about that, given that he was an expert for apocalyptics, and other scary things. With a torn heart, I decided to contact him.

Nevel glared at Dustin and me. "He who disturbs the last rest of a person buried without the blessings of a priest, a curse be on him,", thundered Nevel. "He is bringing about the wild hunt. They are lost."

Dustin shivered uncontrollably.

I couldn't really calm him, I couldn't stay calm either.

Nevel boomed vigorously. "They will rue the day! Until dystopia will they rue it!"

I sighed, mourning for the brute fate that was awaiting Chase, Zoey, Quinn, or Spencer.

"Only a certain magic ritual may stop them," claimed Nevel.

I scratched my head. "What ritual?"

Nevel glared aloft. "With Malika's help, I could be able to fight the revenant of Charles Galloway, should he show up."

Dustin trembled.

Nevel and Malika working together ... that was the embodiment of being scary.

We walked the campus, hoping for our friends to return as soon as possible, having given up on looking for the legendary tomb.

Dustin noticed a green cloud approaching.

"A tornado," said I. "A green tornado!"

Dustin clang tightly to me. "Tornados aren't green, there's something fishy!"

I screamed with agony.

Firewire cackled behind me. "The end is nigh, as described in ..." He talked about some cartoon stuff. "Hey, aren't these Chase and his friends/"

I looked at the pupils that Firewire had seen approaching the campus. "Freddie! Spencer! Sam!"

Dustin screamed equally. "Zoey! Are you OK?" He worried himself almost to death.

The closer the came, the more it turned obvious that they had been fleeing from the unnatural green stuff, with dismay and panic.

I couldn't watch any longer.

Dustin couldn't either.

We passed out before Spencer, Zoey, and Chase reached the campus in order to tell us, if they had even been able to talk about it, which, down to their panic and dismay, was not a given.

What had happened? Was it too late? Had our end come? What was that ugly green cloud?

* * *

** Chapter 44. Nevel Saves The PCA**

* * *

I woke up in my dorm. "Where is Spencer? Freddie? Sam?"

Shelby sighed. "They are totally dazed. Spencer needed several cups of really strong coffee."

I wanted to see Freddie and Sam.

Sam walked in from the toilets, yawning heartily. "Quinn used her new goggles in order to locate the tomb. We found a locket with the name of Galloway inscribed, that proves it. The story is true, and we will cover it in detail in our next special edition of _iCarly_." She grinned, her confusion notwithstanding. "Freddie had recorded everything, and he will show you the snapshots tomorrow. Now get back to bed!"

"But ... the green tornado," wonderd I.

Sam shrugged. "Probably one of Logan's movie tricks, who cares? There are no ghost riders up in the sky, if you think that. Nevel is just gaga."

Sam's words did nothing to calm me down, especially as Sam kept on trembling, regardless of how much she tried to hide that.

Shelby yawned. "Now get some sleep!"

The windows were totally obscured.

I heard strange noises outside. "What's going on outside? How long have I been unconscious?"

Shelby grunted. "For six hours, it's past midnight already!"

I wanted to go and look for myself. Alas, I was much too weak for that, so I floundered to stay astir, and, in the end, I would have broken down, had not Shelby caught me.

Giving me a can of herbal tea, based on valerian and melissa, and lemon juice, Shelby stuffed me back into my bed. "Now have a good night, really!"

The herbs caused me to fall asleep, but they could not keep me from having nightmares.

I woke up ere dawn.

Neither Sam nor Shelby could prevent me from storming onto the campus.

What did I get to see?

The green mist covered everything, and it emitted diabolic cries.

Zoey seized me. "Nevel says that it's an ectoplasmatic revenant. He has been activated when we disturbed the last rest of Charles Galloway."

I circumspected the campus. "Nevel!"

Zoey urged me not to disturb him. "He's performing a ritual to fight the revenant of Charles Galloway."

I also saw Malika, standing next to Nevel.

Nevel recited some Latin hymns about death and afterlife.

Malika fumbled with her arms, and her fingers, just as she had done when I met her first, during that scary Halloween party. She made bolts of ectoplasmatic energy shoot forth from her fingertips. Frankly, I didn't know what those bolts were, nor did I want to know it, I just fancied that being hit by them would have been nowhere near pleasant.

Zoey told me that Logan had stolen a locket from the cursed tomb, as a proof for the legend to be true, and that's why the revenant showed up,and he followed us around. "We thought that returning the locket to the tomb was going to fix the whole mess, but Nevel laughed. It would have made Galloway return to the tomb, for the time being, but the restless soul would have come back later, when we would have least expected it, pouncing upon us, and striking us with even worse dismay and terror." She hugged me when I trembled too much.

I concluded: "Logan is such a gross creep!"

Zoey nodded wholeheartedly.

Not all of Malika's bolts hit the ectoplasmatic revenant, quite a few of them went astray, leaving some damage.

Spencer walked in, yawning like an idiot.

I stepped up to my bro, and I hugged him madly. "Thanks goodness you made it alive."

Spencer ruffled my hair. "I had to comfort Stacey, because that Galloway ghost had destroyed one of her cotton swab sculptures."

I grumbled silently.

Spencer grinned. "But the whole thing inspired me to some new work, I call it _Ghosty The Ghostly Ghost_, a sculpture made of ..."

I didn't want to know. The world was at stake, and Spencer could only think about sculptures. That was worse than incredible.

Alas, Malika did not get the ghost of Galloway to disappear, but, rather, to materialise.

It was like her demonstrations of appearing and disappearing into a puff of smoke.

Nevel grinned.

Alas, Galloway beat around furiously, almost hitting some of us.

I tried to hide, but there was no place left that was not occupied by one or more other students.

Shelby Marx jumped over to us. She punched Galloway left and right.

Alas, the revenant was incredibly tough.

How long was Shelby able to resist?

Sunrise.

The materialised revenant crumbled to dust when he was hit by a sunray.

Nevel explained that this would have been impossible with the astral revenant.

I sighed with relief.

Gibby danced on the campus, shirtless as usual. He told me that Dustin had slept through the night. "You should visit him when the hall opens for girls."

I nodded, as I was surely going to do that.

Sam came along. "Damn's only dirt and dust. I would have loved to eat some zombie chops."

I shuddered with disgust. Alas, I also had to thank Nevel and Malika. I still hadn't really understood their works, but they had apparently saved the Pacific Coast Academy.

Firewire looked dumbfounded. "The world hasn't yet come to an end?"

A few days later, we showed the highlights of the adventures with Charles Galloway, starting with the cumbersome march up to Redstone Gulch, and ending around sunrise in the epic magic fight on the campus.

Mr. Hotchins was so confused, he finally laid down his office. Maybe he even fled somewhere into the barren wastelands, leaving yet another cursed tomb?

* * *

** Chapter 45. J-Phone**

* * *

Having my elder brother with me at the Pacific Coast Academy appeared to be useful, but it wasn't always easy.

Like Zoey, he could be very overprotective at times. He was so much more than he used to be in Seattle.

That was probably due to the particular atmosphere here at the boarding school.

I missed a lot having fun and playing with Spencer, as we had when we were still in Seattle.

But he had found a few new adult friends, and he hang out with his sculpting club, such as Stacey, or he talked to other elder pupils.

Dustin felt similarly about Zoey.

On the other hand, they were always reliably by our side when we were sick, or injured, or seriously intimidated.

Granted, we had many friends. But that wasn't the same as the way we liked to be with our elder siblings when we were a lot younger, and no amount of friends could make up for that.

Dustin came back from an errant for Logan. "A parcel from Japan. His dad is making a movie over there."

I shrugged. "He's always making some movie somewhere. What was in the parcel?"

Dustin sighed. "A so-called J-phone, something like a cellular phone, but it also downloads video clips. And some Japanese horror movie named _Shinyusha_."

Shelby grinned. "I like Japanese martial arts. They are so disciplined."

Missy shrugged. "_Shinyusha_ is cool. It's about frenzied ninjas. I've seen a promo for it when my dad was stationed in Japan. The movie is illegal in many states."

"You aren't afraid of horror movies, are you," asked Sam, grinning tauntingly.

"Me? Never!" I shrugged. "No movie may be more horrible than Charles Galloway. But Spencer doesn't want me to view those things. They aren't for little girls."

Dustin nodded. "Zoey is of the same opinion when I want to see scary movies."

Sam taunted us. "Awww, who isn't allowed to watch scary clips?"

Freddie had not been very attentive, but now he remarked that J-phones sounded a bit suspicious to him. "I don't know why, but something is fishy with them. I'm going to ask Shane. We don't want them to act like our G.O. clones, do we?"

Missy was still annoyed by the impact those G.O.s had had on her showers. "Sure we don't, and you better take care of that, or ..."

Freddie sighed. Wasn't it unfair? Missy acted as if he had invented the J-phones.

"Spencer just doesn't want to bother comforting me agaiin," explained I, "as he had to when I was seven years old, and some lightening storm crossed Seattle. I hid in Spencer's bed. Those were the days!" Suddenly I noticed a strange gleam in Dustin's eyes. "Hey, sweets, do you think the same as I do?"

Dustin grinned, and nodded.

Dustin and I, we snuck into 148 Maxwell Hall. "Hey, don't start watching the movie without us!"

Chase was flabbergasted. "Spencer and Zoey would not approve of ..."

Logan let us watch it, anyways, and it was his movie, after all.

In the beginning, it wasn't really scary, but the suspense increased, and so did the violence.

In the end, we saw some ninja stabbing his victim to death with chop sticks.

Even the big boys trembled.

I felt my bones and my marrow vibrate, and so did Dustin.

Only by huggling closer could we bear the suspense. But we made it through the movie.

This was part one of our plot.

Now we had to convince Zoey and Spencer, respectively,that we were fatally intimidated.

This was, according to our plans, going to cause them to take better care of us.

I snuck into Spencer's apartment, well, it was a little cell, but whatever.

Spencer wasn't yet back from a meeting with other advisers.

I slipped under his blanket.

Finally he returned. He slipped into a pair of pyjamas, who, by the way, had been designed by Zoey, and equipped with illumination by Quinn, and he pulled the blanket. "Whoaaaaaah!" He squealed like an infant when he saw me.

I trembled and stammered. "The killer ninjas ... chopsticks ... Help me!"

Spencer was still consternated. But then he remembered. "Carly, I've told you not to watch those movies."

I just squealed.

Spencer understood that I was going to die from fear unless he hosted me for the night.

He quickly prepared an emergency bed, consisting of his couch, a few pillows, and blankets. "Don't worry, baby, I won't leave you alone." He wiped the sweat from his face when he covered me with some particularly fluffy tissue.

The next morning, I met Dustin.

He had tried to stay in Zoey's, Lola's, and Quinn's dorm.

I asked him whether Zoey had swallowed the bait.

Dustin grinned. "With hook, line, and sinker! Lola and Quinn had their doubts, but it worked out."

We high-fived.

Alas, Dustin had noticed that something was wrong in nearby Maxwell Hall.

I asked Shane, who happened to pass by, looking for Freddie. He was stationed in Maxwell's.

Shane nodded. "There was a fire alert, but definitely no fire! Dean Rivers threatens us with detention for all if that happens again, and the culprit isn't found."

Freddie marched in. "Ah, a fire alert. And I already wondered what all the fuss was about." Then he remembered the accidents caused by the faked G.O.s. "Wait ... maybe the Japanese phones are able to ..."

Dustin choked. "Oh, oh,Logan will be in a lot of trouble if he actually triggered the alert. And Zoey already wants to kill him for having me allowed to watch _Shinyusha_."

Spencer hadn't said anything like that, but I was sure that he was not exactly going to protest against Zoey's plans.

I remarked that Zoey might try to kill him with chop sticks.

Dustin agreed that this would be really cool. "I hope that Kazu has a few spare ones ..."

Unfortunately, Spencer, Zoey, Lola, and Quinn were of the opinion that one night was enought to calm us down.

For that reason, we had to lay it somewhat thicker.

At that occasion, Shane and Freddie asked Quinn to use her scanner in order to test Logan's J-phone.

Quinn was OK with that. She remembered all the work which she had got with the bugged G.O. clones.

In order to stay longer with Spencer, I talked to Sam, while Spencer was close enough to hear it. "Sorry, Sam, but this place is too sppoky for me. I think I should call grandpa, telling him that I preferred moving in with him in Yakima."

Of course, Spencer knew how much I had used to hate living in Yakima. Who wanted to live in the backwater wastelands, especially the name, I mean, Yuck-ima, doesn't that say enough? He was consternated, and he offered to host me as long as necessary, until I was over my fears.

Dustin was successful with a similar strategy.

The following days at Spencer's were wonderful, we got to play all the old board games we never had the time to play.

Quinn and Shane had no problems verifying Freddie's assumptions about the source of the fake fire alerts. Alas, they had invented a devices to remove our fears electronically, if they were real, in the first case.

Logan's father was charged with a high fine, well, for him, it was just a few peanuts, whatever.

Lola threatened us with all sorts of pains, should we have lied. "No one wants to be with liars. Think of Valerie[[35]] who had lied us into thinking that it was her birthday, just to grab some gifts and attention. Nobody wants to be her friend , anymore, except maybe Rebecca or similar creeps."

Dustin and I, we sighed bitterly, and we admitted to everything.

Zoey and Spencer sobbed. They had a hard time beliving that we had missed them so much, but they finally accepted it, and they almost hugged us to death.

Spencer and I, we agreed on a schedule, telling Spencer to spend a certain amount of time with me, and Dustin and Zoey had struck a similar agreement.

Shane had mailed the Japanese company, sending them refrences from G.O.

Thereupon, the Japanese hired Freddie, Shane, Quinn, and Sam as freelance engineers in order to fix the problems that had made the J-phones illegal in the US.

In addition, iCarly was going to be sponsored for making publicity for the J-phones, once they were legally approved in America.

* * *

** Chapter 46. Lance Rivers**

* * *

After everything said above, you might have got the impression that Logan Reese was the worst jerk of all at our school, the Pacific Coast Academy.

He was really a big thing, but there was one guy that topped him.

His name was Lance Rivers, yes, this surname is not an accident, he was the son of Dean Rivers, our headmaster.

Lance abused shamelessly his influence in order to impress and seduce girls. He promised them better equipment for their dorms, and similar advantages, in order to sneak dubious, seductive dates from them. He believed himself invulnerable, as his father was the headmaster.

Even Zoey Brooks had been on his list. Fortunately, she made it pretty fast clear that she was already happily engaged to Chase Matthews, and she wasn't going to give up on him for anyone else, no matter what.

Lance was angry about being turned down, but he knew that there were other multi-coloured butterflies waiting for him in the same meadow.

We girls decided to build a trap for Lance Rivers. Alas, we needed a bait.

Missy Robinson volunteered.

I begged my good old friend to be careful.

At the same time, a guy named Topher Lane from Dingo productions, one of Malcolm Reese's major competitors, caused us trouble. Dingo had figured that one of our toons submitted to ToonJuice, made by Chase and Michael, was really similar to one of theirs from the previous month.

Needless to say, the fine they required was high.

I phoned Spencer. He had to do something about that, for real.

Freddie moaned, before he wrapped his arms around Sam. "That gross bitch named Valerie doesn't want to get her fingers off me!"

I bellowed with dismay. "The same girl had already lied others into giving her birthday presents."

Freddie nodded. "Sounds like her. But everything she does and says is so fake. Totally unlike Sam, where I know what I get for my time."

Sam beamed proudly. "Awww Sweetward!"

Missy had agreed on various dates with Lance. She impressed him with her relations to the marines.

Lance invited her to a movie premiere in Hollywood. Alas, he didn't do that directly.

I would have loved to see that movie, as well, but only side by side with Dustin or some good friends, certainly not with filthy creeps like Lance Rivers.

There was a tombola at our school, this year's prize was a ticket for a première party. He faked the whole thing, so that Missy's number had to win.

They were going to Los Angeles in a limousine.

Freddie had planted a microchip into Missy's cleavage, allowing us to monitor them.

Lance had no clue that we knew that he had been cheating in the tombola. Now he boasted unto Missy with it.

"Oh really," replied Missy, feigning a surprise. "You must be one lucky git."

Lance grinned. "Being the son of the dean helps a lot. It means girls, girls, and more girls. But now we are together, just you and me. So let's celebrate it!"

Missy shrugged. "Whatever."

The limousine wasn't as spacious as that of Malcolm Reese, but it was large enough for a well-stocked fridge.

"Now I've got a surprise for you. Genuine champaign. Ice or soda?" He grinned like the jerk that he was.

Missy smiled. "Whatever." She fumbled with her hand bag. "I've also got some surprise for you." She played with her lips.

Lance bowed over, waiting for a kiss. He closed his eyes.

Alas, Missy used this moment in order to get a cherry bomb from her bag, and stuffing it down Lance's pants.

Lance was flabbergasted. "What the ..."

Bang! The bomb exploded, tearing Lance's pants asunder.

Missy grinned. "OK, you jerk. Next time you will be more careful with girls, will you?"

The charge was a dud, but Lance thought that he was now actually deprived of something.

We fell through the roof laughing.

Spencer had proven that Dingo had already copied their toons from elsewhere. "And if you don't shut up, we are going to sue you for copying segments from iCarly! Our Japanese sponsors won't like that." He tried to speak Japanese, but he failed.

Topher Lane grumbled, and he withdrew. Alas, he was sure going to try to get back at us, one day ...

And Lance? He had finally learned his lesson, and he was going to stay away from decent girls, dating only particularly gross ones, such as Valerie and Rebecca.

It turned out that Chase and Michael had got their idea for the obnoxious toon from a toon show by Dingo.

They had not watched that show, but Logan had done so, and he had suggested the topic unto Chase and Michael.

Missy offered to beat him up as well, but we had a better idea.

Spencer forced Logan to leave us the rights on his video _Dance With Logan_, allowing us to turn it into a regular segment of our show.

Logan was still popular among many girls, and if we wanted to be a really popular show, we needed to reach even those girls. The video series allowed us to achieve exactly that.

* * *

** Chapter 47. Horrible Stench**

* * *

Sam came back from the hall of the bigger girls. "Quinn offers to pay me as a test rat!" She beamed.

I wasn't keen on what Quinn had once done to Dustin, so I could not really understand Sam's enthusiasm. "What do you have to do?"

Sam grinned. "Just eat a lot of stuff."

"Hmmmm, then she has found the right one, I guess."

Sam smiled proudly. "She is developing a new spray against oral stench. I have to eat onions, tuna, garlic, and so on."

I almost gagged. "That will be one horrible stench!"

Sam grinned, and belched. "More than that, Quinn wants to present the expiriment with her oral deodorant in iCarly."

I stumbled. "Oh, I better buy a gas mask."

Sam fell inside out laughing.

At the same time, the Blix van was on tour.

Blix was the greatest softdrink company based in the LA area, delivering several vendor machines and carts on our campus. This time, Blix was promoting a new flavour: Zingleberry ... whatever that was!

Our first experience with making clips had been back when we made ads for the softdrinks from Nicole Bristow's father.

Alas, in the mean time, a bitter war broke loose between those colosses of softdrinks, well, Nicole's dad had not yet been a juicy giant here in California, but they were not ready to give up on the market in our area.

We had made a few ads for Bristow's since the foundation of iCarly, but we were now called to come up with something bigger in order to beat the promo tour of Blix.

Freddie counted the seconds. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I introducced us the usual way.

So did Sam.

I smiled. "Today, our good friend will talk about another of her inventions."

Sam grunted. "Quinnventions!"

I smiled. "Oh yeah, it is definitely a quinnvention. Many of us have got problems with bad mouth odor."

Sam grinned. Then she belched heartily, releasing some gallon of odorous gas through her teeth.

I grabbed a gas mask, and donned it. "OK, I'm prepared."

Freddie coughed.

Quinn grabbed her microphone. "OK, Sam, I've prepared some stuff for you to eat: A few ounces of cheese, onions, tuna, cod liver, and so on ... on top of all: The contribution of our friend Nevel:"

"Tapenade!"

Freddie made a virtual banderole, displaying these letters across the screen.

Sam beamed when she swallowed everything in no time.

I wondered. "Nevel wanted to come, where is he? He should have been here when ..."

Dustin walked in. "Sorry, Nevel has just passed out from the stench." Dustin coughed, as it was too much for him, too.

"Here, sweetie," said I, giving him another mask. "Nevel is very sensitive, you know." I sighed. "At the same time as we're doing this, many of our fellow pupils participate in the hands-on-the-van contest by some local softdrink vendor. He who achieves touching the van with at least one hand, longer than anyone else, wins a heli trip to a place of his choice."

"Or her choice," corrected Sam.

I grinned. "Shane, our friend, is taking snapshots of the event, for our next session. But now it's time for Quinn to do what she needs to do ..."

Quinn took some squirting bottle, and she sprayed Sam's widely open jaw with some strange substance.

Quinn ordered me to take my mask off, and to sniffle Sam's mouth.

I obeyed Quinn's commands, albeit reluctantly. "Hey, the stench is ... gone!"

Sam triggered the fake applause, but, at the same time, she started laughing uncontrollably.

Quinn shrugged. "It isn't that funny!"

Sam nodded, but she couldn't help laughing.

At least the stench was gone, but how to help Sam?

Dustin fetched Nevel.

Nevel wasn't pleased by having passed out, but he seemed back to normal, well, whatever that meant in the case of a spaz like Nevel. "Shut up!"

Alas, Sam refused to stop laughing.

Nevel grunted. "OK, let's see ..." He jumped, and kissed Sam on the cheek.

Freddie grumbled.

Sam was flabbergasted. "Nevel!"

Nevel boomed: "Hah! You've stopped laughing!"

I gasped. "That was so ... true!"

Freddie sighed. He was glad that Nevel had kissed Sam. He would never have imagined that to happen.

Alas, Sam wasn't over everything. "That stuff tastes ... icky. I need to ..." Too late, Sam spouted a torrent of puke aloft, making it rain down upon us. "I still don't feel at ease ..."

Quinn had already been pale for minutes.

I took a bottle of Bristow's guava juice. "Drink this!"

Sam shrugged. All of a sudden, she felt so much better.

I sighed with relief. "OK, as we see, Bristow's guava juice neutralises the bad taste of Quinn's oral deodorant. All hail Bristow's juices!"

Along came Lola, holding a bucket of water in her hand. "OK, I think you need that!"

She released the water upon us, hoping to free us from the vomit.

Alas, we all needed a shower, Lola's good idea notwithstanding.

Spencer came along. "OK, I tell you something, I drink Bristow's juices on a daily base, since I've heard of it, and, ever since, I have never had problems with bad odor."

I smiled. "Yeah, what do we learn? Sometimes, Bristow's juices are much better than all the chemistry we find in meds and stuff. All hail Bristow juice!"

Sam triggered one final fake applause.

Freddie sighed with relief. "Shower time!"

And the hands on the van?

Well, Stacey won the contest. She chose a skiing trip to Colorado. We were invited, but I'm coming back to this topic at some later point. How did she achieve winning? She had still got some drops of sculptor's glue on her hands when she started touching the van. She couldn't even let her hands off the tin during the piss breaks.

Only Quinn's anti-glue was able to free her.

The result: One horrible stench!

* * *

** Chapter 48. Most Beautiful Girl**

* * *

Dustin stumbled in. "Hi cutie! Do you know the latest news from Logan Reese?"

I smiled, "Hi sweets! No clue."

Dustin sighed. "OK, he's hosting a beauty paigeant. He will be the only umpire."

I moaned. "What a sexist jerk! Typical Logan!"

Sam objected. "No, I am the sexiest!"

Freddie nodded wholeheartedly.

Melanie grunted. "You wish!"

I grumbled. "Beauty pageants for little kids are OK, but at some age, it's nothing but seduction and horniness, especially if some jerk like Logan hosts them. No, thanks, not for me!"

Dustin nodded.

Sam and Melanie were of a different opinion.

Sam was rigged and ready to demonstrate that she still is a potential beauty queen, even years after her pageants for little girls.

I urged Freddie to say something, as I hoped that he was not ready to share Sam with Logan and other horny perverts.

Freddie grinned. "Oh, cool, finally, a great occasion to show unto everyone what a hot girlfriend I've got!" He beamed proudly.

Sam snuggled up to Freddie. "I'm going to win for you."

Melanie grumbled. "No, you can't even dream of winning, for you can't stand a chance against me!" The old Melanie showed through.

I could have screamed, as they appeared to have gone all insane.

Freddie shrugged. "We will see. I think it's worth a special of iCarly."

I was dismayed, but I couldn't let them hang.

Sam wondered how she would moderate when she was in the pageant.

Freddie explained that she was going to get a microchip, with cam, and we were going to see and hear everything, just as she did.

Sam beamed proudly.

Melanie grinned. "Cool, there's no better way for Sam to put herself to shame."

My objections had been in vain.

A few days later, the whole school was struck by excessive pageant fever.

Even some of the boyfriends of the participants had heated the atmosphere: Freddie and Vince really cheered Sam and Melanie against each other.

Not only Melanie, but also Missy were eager to win, just to spite Sam.

Even Zoey was going to participate, as the first prize was being shown on the title page of the latest _Buzz_.

I liked that teenie journal, but I was already seen often enough in my web show, and my loyal viewers were content with me as I was.

Spencer sighed. "Stacey has wept all day long, because Logan had called her self-made gown ugly."

I shrugged. "Self-made from cotton swabs and white glue?"

Spencer nodded. "But also some rags that Socko has sent us, from the waste bin of his local cotton mill."

I chuckled vigorously.

Spencer shrugged. "One day, the world will understand that arts is the best way of recycling!"

I sighed. "Whatever ... you've got to know it ..."

Shelby stumbled in, boasting with her exotic gown. "Lola and Zoey are now at each other's throat. Zoey had taylored gowns for the two ofd them. Lola accuses Zoey of having made hers particularly ugly. But they really are both nice. Different, yet nice in their own way." She shrugged.

I nodded. "Zoey is certainly not deliberately unfair. Lola must have been screwed."

Spencer wondered who would tell a girl that her best friend would be able to do something like that?

I wagered that Logan Reese was there. I was disgusted by the ways many girls tried to flatter him. Admitted, I had been there, and done that, but I had learnt my lessons, and ever since steered clear off jerks like Logan.

It was the day of the pageant.

Samantha and Melanie were not just identical-looking twins, but they were also wearing identical-looking gowns, albeit in a different manner.

Sam was more agrressive displaying herself.

Apparently, Vince Blake had suggested Melanie to be more moderate.

Freddie, on the other hand, had told Sam to push Melanie into the dirt. He had not meant that in a literal sense, but, like, Sam should have been aggressivvely impressive, making Melanie feel really ashamed in comparison to her sister.

Logan had erected a real umpire's chair, complete with megaphone, allowing him to seize control over his great event. He had donned a fine and impressive suit.

Freddie counted the seconds. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I sighed. "OK, today, we are reporting live from our local beauty pageant, arranged by Logan Reese!" I coughed. "Over hundred girls have assembled in order to impress our jerk, er, our sponsor Logan Reese!" I triggered the fake applause, filled with disgust. "Sam is one of the participants. They are now going to march in. Sam is provided with a micro chip, so she may comment live, from the point of view of a potential pageant queen!"

Sam greeted the viewers while she was marching in.

The pageant girls passed some spot on the campus that had recently been dug up, and was now covered with mud.

Lola carelessly splattered herself, and she accused Zoey.

All of a sudden, Lola and Zoey fought each other with mud. They started wrestling.

Shelby intervened, showing Lola some cool moves. But she got her gown stained, as well.

Sam and Melanie couldn't help taking sides, and they started mud wrestling.

In no time, most of the girls were involved.

"Stop it," yelled I, right into the microphone, "don't you all see that Logan is just abusing you?"

Many onlookers were roused by my words, transmitted into lounges.

Wendy, who participated as well, was giggling insanely. Then she jumped into the mud, and wallowed. "Logan, don't you want to come and play with us?" She giggled.

Logan was upset.

Tracy Baldwin, who was not participating, and her sister Sandy grabbed Logan, then they dragged him to the muddy spot, and they pushed him into the crowd of muddy girls.

I applauded insanely.

Logan was upset. "You are disqualified, all of you!"

There was only one participnt left with a gown that was not stained with mud:

Stacey Dillsen waved. She had been waiting at the end of the long queue, because the other girls did not really want her to participate.

After all, grudging Logan had to declare Stacey the winner of the pageant.

At the same time, Sandy took some mud, and she dipped her fingers into it, in order to write "I LOVE YOU!" across Gibby's bare chest.

Gibby beamed, as if he had won a beauty pageant for boys.

Spencer congratulated Stacey, but he dissuaded her from posing for the _Buzz_. "You deserve so much better, like, a picture of you and your cotton swab models on the title page of Harry Joyner's _Modern Artist_."

Stacey beamed proudly.

Fortunately, in virtue of this event, Sam and Melanie had finally learnt to get along with each other.

* * *

** Chapter 49. Henry Doheny**

* * *

Freddie counted the seconds. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I smiled. "Hello, friends of iCarly. Today, we are a bit earlier than usual, because ..."

Sam continued. "We are afterwards going to watch a new show on CalTV, about the return of the greatest magician of our times:"

I continued: "Henry Doheny!"

Sam triggered the fake applause. "OK, Doheny is really great, and we know that many of you see it the same way, that's why we budged from that spot, but so is our friend Quinn Pensky." She triggered the applause.

Quinn was here in order to introduce us to a new quinnvention. "Hello, many of you have already crashed into things: Doors, walls, lampposts, you name it. But for those among you who are girls, and who wear a bra, this might be history, with this invention."

I was curious: "Which invention?"

Quinn grinned. "The airbag bra!"

Sam and I, we were astonished.

Quinn chuckled. "OK, I'm going to give you some demonstration." She looked around. "Anyone want to kick or punch my chest? The harder, the merrier!"

I was opposed to violence, so I couldn't do that, but I called the greatest expert alive, in the domain of kicking and punching. "You may have already seen her, but there she is again: My room-mate Shelby Marx!"

Shelby grinned. "Hi! I've got some work to do?"

I grinned. "Punch and kick Quinn's chest, as hard as you can."

Shelby asked Quinn thrice. "OK, there we are ..." She released a thundering _kiai_ when she punched Quinn's chest in a way that would usually have made a girl scream for pain.

Alas, Quinn was cool.

Instead, her bra inflated itself, reaching cup size E in no time, and instantly dissipating the incredible force of Shelby's hard blow.

Sam's eyes bugged out. "Cool!" She triggered the fake applause. "I want one, too!"

I shrugged, and smiled. "Who doesn't?"

Shelby grinned. "Those things would be great for martial training."

After the web session, I walked into our lounge, because I wanted to see Doheny's show.

Many of my fellow students wanted to order an airbag bra, alas, apparently not just for the case of accidents. They stood around Quinn in droves.

Missy insisted in being the first to order something.

Sandy, on the other hand, had a different request. "Why don't you invite Doheny into your web cast?"

I scratched my head. "That would be really great!" But a star like Doheny was properly going to charge insanely much, more than Drake Parker did back then. Hey, there was an idea!

After having seen Doheny's show, I arrived in the lounge of Brenner Hall. "Hi, Zoey!"

Zoey smiled. "Hi! Your show was so funny."

I grinned. "Many viewers want me to present Doheny in our show."

Zoey nodded. "I understand that. Michael boasts with being able to untie himself, just as Doheny had done, like 20 years ago."

Dustin made it here, as well. "Hi!" He hugged me. "Do you know that our teacher for geography is a great knot maker, or whatever that's called? He has been a sailor, and a scout ..."

I giggled. "Sure, he could test Michael's abilities."

Zoey scartched her head. "Mr. Billy M. ?"

Dustin had to correct her. "He's Mr. Billiam, leader of the regional scouts' union."

I nodded. "OK, Zoey, in order to finance Doheny, I need your help, you know, as in the case of Drake."

Zoey smiled. "Always! Consider the Doheny-shirts as done!"

I bounced, and cheered.

I was back in my dorm, when my cell phone rang. "Carly Shay? Oh, grandpa, it's you!"

My grandfather was upset because he had not been asked about Doheny.

It turned out that Doheny and grandpa had been comrades in Vietnam.

I grinned. Of course, he was welcome to help us getting Doheny on the screen!

Freddie grinned. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I greeted our viewers. "And, indeed, he's here, Henry Doheny!"

Doheny was flabbergasted. "Megan?" Apparently, he knew my doppelganger from San Diego.[[36]]

It turned out that my obnoxious doppelganger had been the one to help him to regain his popularity, after some great crisis.

I shrugged. "OK, and this is the greatest knotter of all times: Kenneth Billiam!"

Mr. Billiam walked him, grinning. Then he shook Doheny's hand. "I dare you to untie yourself from my knots."

Doheny shrugged. "No problem."

I reported that Michael had been tied for two days straight, and he had bitterly regretted to have boasted with his abilities.

Billiam started to tie Doheny with thick ropes. "That's exactly the same challenge that Michael Barret has tried to master, in vain."

Doheny had to try for ten minutes, but then he gave up. "That's impossible! You're really one master knotter, the greatest of all," he admitted unto Mr. Billiam.

Sam shrugged. "I want to try as well!"

I laughed heartily, making Sam pout.

Doheny tied Sam up.

Alas, it took Sam two minutes to free herself.

Sam shrugged. "Oops!"

In the same moment, some smoke billowed in one corner.

I knew what that meant ...

Malika materialised. "Hey! You can't make a magic show without me, the magic Malika!" Her voice was taunting and demonic.

I said my final words, commanding Freddie to close the session. Malika was really going to mean trouble, and I did not want that.

Doheny was consternated. "Malika! The rumours are true .." He sobbed. "The magic witch Malika is real." He was consternated.

I looked puzzled.

Malika appeared as fast, and as scarily, as she had come.

Doheny sighed. "I had never thought that real witches do exist. But there were recently rumours about one magic Malika. I have refused to believe them. I think time has come to retire, for real."

I was consternated. "What? You can't! Your miraculous performance in San Diego, where you feigned your own death ... and rised from the dead after a few days ..."

Doheny sighed. "You all think that I did that, but, really, Megan did. She told me that she was a witch, and that her witch teacher was the one and only Magic Malika. I didn't want to believe that."

I sighed. "But that doesn't matter. Megan and Malika may be real witches, but they scare people. You are one of us, and that's entertaining, not scary. We laugh when you perform something, but when Malika appears and disappears, we are left in existential fears."

Doheny sighed deeply. "But there's still Sam ..."

I shrugged. "She's still young and flexible. We humans become somewhat stiff with advancing age, that's our nature. But you're still great and adorable."

Doheny sobbed. But he finally decided to resist the temptation of giving up.

* * *

** Chapter 50. Stay!**

* * *

Dustin was called into the admin office during our classes.

I sighed. _What might have been that important?_ I turned unattentive, making Mr. Callaghan admonish me twice. I couldn't bear the suspense.

I saw Dustin again in the big break. I was excited. "Why did they call you ..."

Dustin moaned. "My parents are here."

I grumbled. In the middle of classes? That was certainly not usual.

Dustin continued. "They are moving to England. And they want Zoey and me to go to some prep school near London, its name is Covington."

I was consternated, fearing to lose him. "Do you have to go?"I sobbed.

Dustin shrugged. "That is not yet clear. I'd hate it. I'd miss you to death, and the English kitchen, and the weather, they are so gross." He sobbed piteously.

I wrapped my arms around Dustin. "I will love you, wherever you are." Those were damn' big words for a girl of hardly 13 years, but it had to be, there and then.

Sam and Freddie were also flabbergasted. They would never survive moving abroad, with or without having to leave their dearest back at home.

I started remembering a time when my father pondered taking me abroad. Fortunately, I had got Spencer to take care of me, and then, of course, this wonderful boarding school. I would probably have died if I had had to go abroad.

Dustin told us that his parents were now residing in Hotel Chambrolay, the best address in the LA area.

I had told Spencer about our problem.

He hadn't hesitated getting a pass for me, for the afternoon. Then he took me right to Chambrolay's, Santa Monica.

We waited in the foyer, after having informed the bellman.

Finally, Mr. Brooks arrived. We shook his hands.

"My name is Spencer Shay, as you might remember," said my brother. "This is my sister Carly."

Mr. Brooks remembered vaguely. "Oh, yeah, what can I do for you? You're at the same school as my kids, right?"

Spencer nodded. "We've heard that you are going to Great Britain?"

Dustin's dad nodded. "My company is opening a new branch in London, and I need to manage it for the next five to ten years. That's why I think that Dustin and Zoey should go to a British prep school."

Spencer shrugged. "That's why I need to talk to you. You may not know what you are doing to your kids, but it will be terrible for them."

Mr. Brooks failed to understand.

Spencer sighed. "Carly is Dustin's girlfriend, and he will miss her to death." He started sobbing. "And vice versa. And then the different weather, and the English kitchen. Do you know what the French say about the English kitchen?"

Mr. Brooks shrugged. "It's the best prep school world-wide. And I haven't known that Dustin was in love."

Spencer nodded. "Young people only realise it when it comes down to it. The same, I guess, is valid for Zoey and her boy friend Chase."

Mr. Brooks wasn't aware of that, either.

Spencer started talking about the time he left for college. "Grandpa said that it was the best college for those preparing for law school. I didn't want to disappoint grandpa, after all he had done for me and Carly, you should know that our dad is abroad, too. I don't doubt that it was, but I suffered from missing my sister Carly, and my best pal, Dan Sokolescu, or , as I call him, Socko. In the end, I failed undergrad school."

Mr. Brooks was flabbergasted.

Spencer told him that he didn't have the guts to tell his grandfather. I was enrolled at law school, because my grandfather had arranged everything. I went there for three days, and then the fraud was discovered, and I was expelled.

Mr. Brooks moaned. He was thoroughly shocked by Spencer's story.

Spencer explained that he had met many different pupils at the school, and Dustin, more than anyone else, and more than Spencer himself, was the type who would be ashamed to death if he had to disappoint his parents.

Zoey wouldn't be much better off.

In this moment, Ms. Brooks, or so I supposed, came back, followed by Dustin and Zoey.

They had been in town.

Zoey and Dustin were surprised when they saw me and Spencer.

Mr. Brook asked Dustin. "Is this true? Does Carly mean so much to you that you would turn sick from missing her?"

Dustin nodded timidly.

Then he asked the same thing to Zoey, about herself and Chase.

Zoey was older, and she knew that the separation would have been for two years or so only, but she agreed. "It would certainly hurt me. And if Dustin stays here, maybe he would need me."

Impressed by Spencer's story, Mr. Brooks decided that Dustin and Zoey were better left in California. "OK, I don't want you to fail just because you miss certain people, or suffer from the English weather." He moaned with fear.

I nodded. "We need our elder siblings, although we have a hard time admitting to it."

Dustin held me tight.

Mrs. Brooks agreed wholeheartedly. "Yeah, it would be a very bad idea to drag them to England. Oh, where have you got that suit and that tie from?"

Spencer grinned. "Zoey has designed it."

Mrs. Brooks had not known much about Zoey's design skills.

We said good-bye to their parents, and returned to the school, along with Dustin and Zoey.

Chase had been waiting, and he celebrated those wonderful news with us.

* * *

** Chapter 51. Sassafras Tea**

* * *

Most of the world's stars have got a terrible voice.

Freddie had access to a technology, invented by Quinn, which allowed him to patch accoustics, making them sound nice.

Yet he had not got any occasion to try to use it, but time was going to come ...

In those days, Dustin was sad. He had been saved from having to move to England, which would have killed him, but knowing his parents beyond the ocean was not easy to bear for him.

I knew that feeling, it wasn't much easier for me when my dad had gone on his first mission abroad.

Apparently, Dustin needed me a lot now.

No question, I was there for him.

Even Zoey needed Chase a lot - for the same reason.

The four of us hang out in Zoey's lounge.

Unfortunately, Stacey confused that spot on and off as a stage for herself. Tonight, she wanted to sing a song she had just gobbled together. It was about how much she was into sassafras tea. And, as you know already, Stacey floundered when trying to pronounce the hisses. As "sassafras" contained a lot of those, Stacey really tortured our ears.

Along came Spencer. "Hi Stacey, that's a cool song."

Stacey smiled. "Really?"

Spencer nodded. "Maybe I can back you up as a drummer? At college, I've tried to play in the band."

Stacey beamed, and she hugged Spencer gleefully.

Spencer hadn't got a drum set, but he had assembled a few pieces of junk from some nearby yard.

To me, they just looked like cooking pots.

Spencer didn't care, he placed those metal pots bottom-up onto a table, and he used two spoons in order to beat them rhythmically. "I'm a hard rocker, baby!"

Stacey beamed, and she started singing along.

For me, that was just insane.

Sam shrugged. "Freddie should patch them!"

I was disgusted, but maybe, or so I imagined, Sam's idea was not all that bad.

Freddie counted the seconds. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I grinned. "Hi, friends of iCarly! Today, you will hear some innovative, unconventional music. Applause for 'cotton swab' Stacey Dillsen, and for my brother Spencer!"

Sam triggered the fake applause, albeit grudgingly, and with disgust.

I sighed. I hoped that Freddie knew what he was doing when he fumbled with the buttons.

Accompanied by Spencer's insensate drum roll, Stacey started to sing like a vacuum cleaner.

Freddie told me to use my ear cuffs.

I obeyed. Wow, that didn't even sound bad. I started to like it!

Sam did the same. She even appeared to start swooning, and she grinned. "What a sound!"

Spencer beamed. "Yeah, baby, we rock!"

Stacey hugged Freddie, and then she did the same to Spencer."Oops!"

Freddie sighed with relief. He had got mad skills, wow!

The next day, Freddie received an important mail. "Dear team of iCarly, I am the vice president of the American Union of Tea Producers. An informer, who insisted in being known by the nick 'Socko', has told us that you run a web show, and that you featured two hitherto unknown rock stars that performed a song about sassafras tea. We have watched a copy of your show, and we are impressed by the potential that this number has for the promotion of our products. We are interested in hiring you and your show for the promotion of various sorts of teas." He read over the small print.

I choked. "Wow! Rock stars!"

Sam beamed. "And definitely unknown!"

Freddie calculated the offer. "Nice sum!"

Spencer and Stacey were totally excited.

Alas, we reminded them that it require a lot of work.

There were so many sorts of tea, and singing about all of them was sometimes going to be a nightmare.

But we could not stop their enthusiasm.

I hoped that Spencer and Stacey were aware of the fact that they owned all of that to their voice having been patched by Freddie's software. It would have been horrible, had they really started to think about making a career as a rock duo.

Fortunately, they were way too lazy to think about such a demanding career, they liked it was.

I sat back in my beanbag. Our web show had really come very far. It had started with a simple bet with Chase and Michael, and then we acquired several sponsors, one by one. The number of our viewers had increased steadily. We had started out with like twenty of them, and recently, we had crossed the mark of 1,000,000. We were seen all over the country, in Mexico, in Canada, and we had even acquired a few fans in Europe and in Asia. But we were not tired enough to stop there, and, one fine day, the whole world was going to be ours. Or so I dreamed.

** End Of Season Three**

* * *

** Chapter 52. Hellcopter**

* * *

The next weeks were more quiet.

Dustin was again working as an errant boy for Logan. He wanted to buy and send a webcam to his mother, so they could livechat over the interweb, as he had learnt it from our show.

Bare-bones web-cams, like those at which our skilled hackers, i.e. Freddie, Shane, Sam, Quinn, or Firewire, could get get with ease and for affordable prices, were not suited for that task.

But the cam had to be easy to handle without an experienced pro operator like Freddie by your side.

This time, Logan had ordered a functional mini-helicopter for several thousands of bucks.

I was consternated. Hadn't Dustin's accident with the mini-plane been enough to convince pupils of the danger coming from those things? Dustin was 11 years old when he had caused that accident, and he had learned from it, but those big boys still hadn't. Shame on them!

The inevitable happened.

Logan and Michael kept on playing with their new heli in 148 Maxwell until it hit the ceiling, and it crashed into simthereens which, thereupon, rained down on Chase, spoiling his bushy hair.

Zoey had asked me to help Chase getting rid of the unwanted steel and plastic in his hair.

I had to be careful, because Logana and Michael insisted in getting the pieces back, so they could get the helicopter repaired.

Sometimes, Chase squealed like a little girl, when it was hard to remove a piece of metal from his curls.

Lola had offered to prepare his bushy hair with a special lotion, making it easier to remove the pieces.

I laughed at that, because the pieces would have get wet, and maybe rusty or so.

It took me three days to do that, even with Sam's help.

Sam, of course, was less caring about Chase, and, occasionally, she tore part of his hair out, making him whimper and scream at the top of his lungs.

Zoey was really upset when she noticed Sam's brute methods. She licked Chase's wounds when we were done.

Sam had counted the pieces.

1234 pieces of plastic and metal had been hiding in the shrubbery!

A scanner, borrowed from Quinn, showed me that his hair was now clean.

Alas, Chase enjoyed how Zoey took care of the tortured and wounded skin of his hair, so at least the whole torture was worth it.

After the pieces were complete, they had just to be put together in the correct manner.

Needless to say, it was a tough task for Quinn, Shane, Freddie, and Sam.

But my tech geek friends had no problems. It took them only a week to rebuild the helicopter.

The heli had been over at Spencer's for repair. It was now ready.

I entered Spencer's, and hugged him. "Hi, bro!"

Spencer grinned. "Hi, baby! I've given the box with the heli to Dustin, complete with remote control. It should be back at Logan's , any time."

I grinned. Let's watch the game channel?

Spencer nodded.

I took the remote control. Hey, the device looked strange. "Spencie, what's up with the remote?"

Spencer looked at it. "Oh my god, it is the control for the helicopter!"

I concluded that Dustin must have taken the remote control for the TV set to Logan. I quickly called him on the cellular phone. "Dustin? This is Carly. Have you still got the parcel with the heli?"

It was too late, and the parcel was already at its destination.

Spencer sighed. "Maybe I should not have played poker with Socko while we were wrapping the heli?"

I glared grimly at Spencer. Then I took the remote. "Guess I better go to Logan's, with the remote, before there's trouble ..." I grabbed the damn thing, and I was the hell out of there.

Running across the campus, I met Quinn, telling her about Spencer's confusion. "If Logan and Michael try to use the TV control on the helicopter, nothing will happen, right?"

Quinn stammered incomprehensibly.

I was impatient. "What?"

Quinn coughed. "The remote of the helicopter works with the same waves as the remote of the TV. Hence the helicopter will react, but Logan and Michael have to figure which button is responsible for which action."

I coughed. "Oh no, Logan and Michael are way too dumb to figure that."

Quinn scratched her head. "Uhmmm ... they probably are."

I told Quinn to hurry up.

We reached 148 Maxwell Hall, knocking at their door.

Logan's voice told us to wait, they are playing with the repaired helicopter, and they don't want any girl to mess with their fun.

Quinn tried to make it clear how urgent the situation was.

Alas, the boys were not accessible to reason.

Suddenly, a big bang was heard.

Michael opened the door for us. "Get the fire extinguisher, now!"

I took the thing, and I squirted many burning smithereens with foam.

Now the heli was beyond repair.

5,000 bucks turned into smoke and dust.

Big boys never learn.

* * *

** Chapter 53. Iron Like A Lion[[37]]**

* * *

The Pacific Coast Academy had been the best prep school of California for decades.

Thius was essentially down to frequent, and rigorous, quality control.

The members of the staff were qualified each year.

Now it was the time for evaluating the dorm advisers.

Coco and Lewbert were one big mess.

Lewbert used to sleep during afternoon time, and he repeatedly barked at elementary school kids.

Coco threw her empty cans of ravioli into every corner. She had also lost two middle school kids on a camping trip.

Clearly, Lewbert and Coco had to do something about that, otherwise Dean Rivers was going to trash them on site.

Zoey told me that Coco had got an insane idea. "According to the wifde of Dean Rivers, he collects statuettes and pictures of lions. Now Coco wants to get him a real, living lion."

I choked. That was insane! "Why trust Tipper Rivers, anyways? Everyone knows that she hates her husband, and she constantly yells at him."

Zoey agreed. "She's a psychopath!"

A lion's roar was heard from somewhere in the admin building, followed by a terrified human scream.

Alert bells rang out.

Needless to say, two positions for dorm advisers were now vacant.

Spencer shrugged. "The school needs to be more careful with employing dorm advisers."

I wondered how that was possible. "It's not as easy as with teachers."

Spencer nodded. "But there are some perfectly responsible, and disciplined, people out there. You just need to find them." He took his cellular phone.

I choked. "Oh no, you won't call ..."

Spencer didn't want to hear any of my objections.

Freddie and Sam went totally pale in anticipation.

Marissa Benson arrived the very next day. She had been brought to the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy in a freight machine. Of course, she had not come without her giant med case.

We accompanied her to the admin office.

Dean Rivers was only to be released from St. Schneider's hospital the day after, so Mr. Thatcher was temporarily in charge. He shook Marissa's hand. "So, you're applying as an adviser for our girls' dorms?"

Marissa nodded solemnly. "As there are many possibilities for accidents, I took my med case with me. It's from my father's time in Vietnam, but it gets updated every other week."

Mr. Thatcher nodded. "That's what I call very responsible. You're right, the incidents with Dean Rivers, who is the permanent target of onslaughts, show exactly that."

Marissa also talked about a few new rules. "No running in the halls, the girls need to wear anti-bacteria undergarment, use tick lotions, ..."

I shuddered with disgust, to the degree of almost throwing up.

Freddie wanted to contradict his mother, but Mr. Thatcher's grim posture prevented him from doing so.

Mr. Thatcher nodded solemnly. "I think that Mr. Bradford will be quite keen on these improvements." He called Beverly, dictating her a text to send to the owner of the academy. He thanked Spencer for having made that excellent recommendation. A salary raise was probably due.

Apparently, Mr. Bradford was more than keen on employing Freddie's mother, and needless to say that we kids weren't keen on this decision.

Dustin found me in my lounge, sobbing. "WE've got a new dorm adviser."

I sighed. "Oh ... tell me?"

Dustin nodded. "When Logan told his dad about the situation, Malcolm sent his butler, Chaunsee, over to us. He is ready to lend him to our school, until we found something better."

I choked. I remembered Chaunsee when the kids returned from their spring trip to Santa Barbara, in order to shoot the pilot of _Gender Defenders_. The guy was apparently no fun, he glared "correctly", all the time. He had apparently been educated in England, like those butlers we see in the old movies, such as _Dinner For One[[38]]_. I pitied Freddie, Dustin, Gibby, Harper, and the other boys.

Dustin moaned. "Now we need to wear fleece sandals in our dorm halls. We even have to clean our rooms on a daily base. I hate that."

I hugged Dustin. "Sorry. Yet you can't imagine what an annoying thing Freddie's mother is."

Dustin sighed.

Nevel walked over to us, gazing sternly. He was probably one of those who were least bothered by the new dorm advisers, and now he was ready to rub some salt into our wounds. "Hey! Quinn recently talked to me about some new recipes for dips. I mean, I like my mother's tapenade, but have you ever heard about baba ghenoush?" He offered us a bowl. "Made of squished roasted solanum melongena."

We looked flabbergasted.

He boomed. "Do I have to explain everything? You vulgar people probably call them 'eggplants'."

I shook my head. "Looks tasty. But we can put it to a better use." I looked at Dustin.

Dustin nodded.

We would have loved to smear Nevel's face with that squished stuff, but he was too popular, since he had saved us from the revenant of Charles Galloway.

But there were other faces that could use some tasty makeup.

Finally, Dean Rivers was back from hospital. He stood in front of something that was covered with a blanket, and that blocked the entrance to the admin building. "What the ..."

Spencer stopped the headmaster. "We all know that you love lions, just not living ones. Hence I worked with my sculpting club, especially Ms. Dillsen, on something less dangerous ... would you please lift the blanket, Sir!"

Dean Rivers shrugged. Then he pulled the blanket.

A statue of a lion, made of a mixture of cotton slabs, glue, and iron random junk, was reveiled.

Mr. River beamed brightly. "Wow! I always wanted something like that!"

Freddie walked over, taking a few pics of Dean Rivers and the statue, for us to show in our next edition of iCarly.

At the same time, the sound of a steel onager was heard.

Onagers are like catapults, but they are able to throw mushy and liquid things over quite some distance.

Sam, Shane, Freddie, Quinn, and Firewire had built that modern version of a medieval engine of war.

All of a sudden, Chaunsee's and Marissa's face were covered with Nevel's stuff with the stupid name.

Sam and I, we laughed our butts off.

Next thing we saw was Chaunsee and Marissa wiping each other's face clean.

We shrugged when we returned to our dorms.

It was an exciting day, and we had gathered quite a few clips for our next web session.

* * *

** Chapter 54. Colorado**

* * *

Remember that Stacey had won a trip in the helicopter? She had chosen to use this for going to Colorado over the term break, in order to have some nice skiing vacations.

I also remind you of Paige Howard having pretended to be from Boulder, Colorado.

Alas, while Paige was really Megan Parker from San Diego, there was a solid reason why she had chosen Colorado as her fake home.

Megan had a friend in Boulder,

Her name was Jessica[[39]] , and she owned a skiing hotel up there. She felt sorry for Megan's prank, and she had invited all of us into her father's hotel over said vacations.

Needless to say, I was keen on that offer, along with Dustin, Freddie, and Sam.

Spencer had been chosen as a responsible adult, anyways.

Freddie's mom was a problem, but she finally gave in, under the condition that we took the giant med case with us.

The hotel was nice, and I had never seen that much snow in one place.

Jessica helped us finding our way through the hotel.

There was one suite for us girls, and another suite for the boys.

I hated having to share a room with Stacey, and Sam did the same to an even higher degree, but there was still enough fun left for us.

Stacey told us to stay away from her turquoise cotton swabs. "They are from a special shop, and are just here for looking at, and cuddling."

Sam shrugged. "She's gaga," whispered Sam into my ears. "And that might be my future cousin-in-law." She shuddered and shivered.

I grumbled. Sam was so lucky. I had eyes in my head, and seeing that Spencer was Stacey's only friend, and that he was not bothered by her as much as by many other weird girls, I had to live with the increasing fear of Stacey becoming my sister-in-law!

After supper, we went ourside for a snowball fight.

Dustin sighed. "I've tried to talk to Zoey, but she's probably out of reach for cellular phones."

Zoey, Chase, Logan, Quinn, Michael, Lola, and Socko were on a camping trip in Yosemite Park.

I sighed. "Too bad."

Stacey remarked that there were wild bears.

Dustin started to shiver.

"Zoey is smart," said I, "she knows how to survive when you meet a bear."

Sam made some roaring sound, shrieking Stacey.

Spencer talked about the times when he and Socko were in the forests of Canada, followed by some wild bear ...

I shook my head. "The only bear you've ever met was Boogie Bear."

Spencer sighed.

Dustin chuckled. "I loved Boogie bear when I was six years old."

I grinned. "Spencer loved Boogie bear when he was sixteen years old."

Snowball fight - boys against girls.

Freddie took pictures with his web cam. "Internet access is too expensive in here, so we will upload them when we are back to Malibu," announced Freddie.

It was a lot of fun, until Stacey was knocked out by some stray snow ball.

Fortunately, she recovered fast, as Spencer found the right remedy in the giant med kit.

The next day, we spent skiing downhill.

Spencer and Stacey had got a lot of harmless accidents:

Spencer screamed with agony. "Fire extinguisher, please!"

Alas, there was none availabel.

"What's burning," yelled I across the hill.

It turned out that Spencer and Stacey had actually achieved setting the snow on fire.

Thereupon, Spencer and Stacey decided building snowmen and snow castles, whereas I kept on skiing with Sam, Freddie, and Dustin.

After that, I sat in a chair in front of the hotel, watching the sunset, along with Sam.

I donned sun glasses from Mercedes-Lens[[40]].

Thereupon, we made Dustin and Freddie massage our feet.

Too bad, Spencer had told Dustin where I'm ticklish.

So I decided to ask Zoey about similar secrets.

The break was much too short.

Jessica almost sobbed when we were weeping again, as most of the guests they had were either much older or much younger than herself.

I sighed.

Alas, Dustin wanted to see Zoey again. He hoped that she had not been swallowed by a bear.

Spencer had especially been missing Socko.

But the helicopter did not wait much longer.

We waved at Jessica for one last time.

Phew! Back on the safe ground of the Pacific Coast Academy.

Socko's camping troop arrived just a few hours later.

Dustin huggled Zoey into oblivion. "You've not been eaten by a bear?"

Zoey shrugged. "The bears were on a no-blonde-diet."

I giggled terribly.

Socko told us fabulous stories about his fight with all sorts of bears he had encountered in Yosemite, including polar bears.

"Have you also seen bigfoot," asked Sam, in a somewhat sarcastic manner.

Socko nodded. "I've fought him with my own hands."

Shelby shook her head. "You're a spaz, Socko! Fight me with your own hands, if you can!"

In three seconds, Socko landed flat in the dust.

Shirtless Gibby hugged me. "Hi! I've faced something much worse than a bear!"

I choked. "So? What?"

Gibby moaned. "Our custodian, Seamas Finnegan, he threatened me with a power chainsaw!"

I was upset. How could the school admin employ such a violent guy? A mental institution was a much better place for such a monster than a school!

Spencer told Ms. Benson about how much Freddie and Sam fought over everything, up in Boulder. "Fortunately, my well-aimed snowballs stopped them from killing each other."

Dean Rivers sighed when he crossed our way. "Seamas Finnegan, we were in the same classes, like 30 years ago. He had always envied me. He came here, in order to humiliate me. But security guards have finally arrested him, thanks Gibby!"

Gibby blushed. "The guy threatened to split my ribs with his saw!"

Freddie hugged Gibby. "You're my Hero!"

Dean Rivers grumbled. "Alas, we are now without a custodian. I fear we will sink in trash and dust."

Socko moaned. "Hey! I am an experienced custodian."

Dean Rivers moaned. "OK, Mr. Sokolescu, the job is yours!"

* * *

** Chapter 55. Blond But Dangerous**

* * *

The new term also meant a bunch of new pupils at the PCA.

Freddie, for example, was "punished" with a new room-mate named Reuben , a guy who talked totally incomprehensibly.

Equally new was a certain Griffin , a pervert addicted to Peewee Herman, who hooked up with Rebecca.

Stacey got a new room-mate, as well.

Her name was Brooke Margolin[[41]], a girl who liked knitting and ancient calendars.

I hoped that Stacey was finally going to find a new friend, and thereupon have to cling less to Spencer.

The most remarkable newbie was one James Garrett, a tall blond rake, around whom the girls flocked in droves.

Fortunately, I was over guys like that since my attempted kiss with Logan Reese.

But how many other girls were still going to fall for those rakes?

So far, I had not spotted said James, but rumours about him had spread like wildfire among us girls.

I was sitting at Sushi Rox with Spencer. I really liked California rolls. Hey, there was that blond rake ... he was sitting at a table with Chase and Zoey? Apparently, they were nice enough to guide the newbie around. But, somehow, I thought I had seen the rake in Seattle, just a few years back. I didn't really care. Zoey called him explicitly James, so there was hardly any doubt left.

Spencer wondered why I was looking at the other table, on and off. He gazed into the same direction. Then he coughed. "Hey, that's Denifer, I think."

I wondered who or what was Denifer.

Spencer sighed. He told me, as he had already done a year ago, that Stacey had once had that date with Denifer, but he left her for one of many busty blondes, some Stephanie Javers.

Now I choked hard. I suspected something, but I preferred to talk about it to Sam.

We noticed that Chase had to go to the toilets.

What did I get to see? James started to flirt subliminally with Zoey, and he tried to touch her leg with his own. I almost threw up.

Back in my dorm, I met Sam. "Hi, you won't guess who that new rake is."

Sam shoved a hambone down her throat. "Santa Claus?"

I shook my head. "Do you remember Jake Krendle?"

Sam nodded. "That tall rake from ... hey! Are you sure it's him?"

We had not seen him since we had left for California, but the connection with Stephanie Javers, who had been his girlfriend already back in Seattle, said it all.

I moaned. "First Stacey, now Zoey, whose heart is he trying to break next?"

Sam shrugged. "Don't you have to warn Chase?"

I didn't know what to do. "Thing is, he's just seducing her subliminally, she doesn't yet notice that. So she may still dispute everything unto Chase, without a reason for remorses. And this will just cause stress between Chase and Zoey."

Sam sighed. "I don't quite understand what you mean, but you're probably right. But at least Dustin should know about it."

I wasn't keen on getting Dustin worried, but Sam was probably right.

Dustin was consternated. "Zoey belongs to Chase! James mustn't hit on her!"

I nodded solemnly. "It would be really unfair, given that their are so many single girls around here who lust for James."

"They are gaga," remarked Sam. "Someone should push James, or Jake, or Denifer, whatever, down the elevator hole."

Freddie offered himself to do so.

Once again, I was against violence. "Please, you know that this is mean, and illegal."

Freddie and Sam sighed, and agreed.

Dustin scratched his head. "Hey, there are dating shows on TV, right?"

Sam nodded. "My mom had once been applying for one of thm, but she got rejected." She shuddered with disgust.

I guessed what Dustin was up to. "So, you think we should hook up James in a new segment of our show, like, _I Win A Date_?"

Dustin smiled. "That's it! With James as the mystery boy!"

Freddie and Sam could not contradict.

Shelby grinned. "If I weren't practically engaged to Kenny, I would apply for a spot as one of the girls ... Lola is checking out on boys again, since David R. Culetta has graduated, but maybe she's just acting, not even I can tell."

I grinned. "It can't be hard to find three girls for our show ..."

Freddie counted the seconds. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I greeted our viewers, and I introduced our new recurring segment, _Win A Date!_.

Sam triggered the fake applause.

I grinned. "Today's mystery boy is now in a different yet nearby dorm. And here are our girls!"

Many girls had applied, so it was not easy to choose three of them.

The chosen ones were Karen Franklin, Missy Robinson, and Tracy Baldwin.

Freddie launched the green screen.

"Hi Dustin," squealed I, when he was visible on the screen. "Dustin and Gibby are guarding our mystery man, you should know." I waved.

Dustin waved back. "OK, Carly, mystery boy ... your first quetion, please!"

I explained that the voices of the canditates were all patched, hence likely to sound a bit crazy. But I guaranteed that they were all humans of this planet.

James grinned. "OK, girl number one, we walk together across the campus, and all the girls look at me with hungry eyes. What will you do?"

Karen shrugged. "Grab you, and run away with you to Wisconsin?"

James chuckled. "Aw, I love Wisconsin. Girl number two, what would you do if all the girls looked at me with horny intentions?"

Missy thundered: "Throw a bomb, and blow them away!"

James sighed. "And girl number three, what would you do?"

Tracy grunted. "Push them into the well!"

Two questions later, James had to come to a decision. "OK, I think that girl number two, and girl number three are too violent for my taste, that's why I choose girl number one."

Sam triggered the fake applause.

Dustin took James over to us.

Karen smiled. "James!"

James shrugged. "You are?"

Karen grinned. "I'm Karen Franklin, aka girl number one!"

James hugged Karen. "OK, that's cool!"

I smiled. "OK, and in order to get to know each other closer, you win a candle light dinner for two in Sushi Rox. Thanks to Kazu!" I waved into the cam, as I knew that Kazu was watching us, because he did not want to miss out on the segment that he had sponsored.

Missy and Tracy weren't really disappointed, as they had never been among the girls that flocked around James.

Now I noticed that James was carrying a guitar. "Hey, that's Chase's guitar!"

James nodded. "Zoey has told him to lend it unto me. My own guitar is still somewhere between here and Santa Fé"

I shrugged. "OK, Jake, er James, or should I say, Denifer ..."

James fainted.

I coughed. "Are you going to play something for us?"

James nodded. "I admit, I've often used fake names in my past. But I don't want to talk about the reasons right now. Maybe at the candle light dinner?"

Karen accepted that. "Or in Wisconsin?"

James grinned. "Maybe even there. Now I'm going to sing a song about my grandma. She needs a wheel chair, because her cat has eaten her foot."

Fortunately, the scheduled time was over, and we needed to restore our dorms before Freddie's mom protested about the disorder.

I wasn't sure whether Karen and James were going to stay together for long, but, for the time being, we had saved Zoey's and Chase's future marriage. I sighed with relief.

That segment was so cool, we decided to repeat it more often.

* * *

** Chapter 56. Hobknockers**

* * *

Dustin still needed money for a web cam for his mother, so he kept on working for Logan Reese.

I would have borrowed him the bucks, but he did not want me to feel abused for money, and I respected that. Wasn't he sweet?

I so knew that Logan was a jerk who treated Dustin in an arrogant manner, but one day, this was becoming so evident ...

Dustin came into our lounge, weeping all over.

I wondered what had been going on.

Dustin told me that he had fetched some Chinese food for Logan. He had been too late, and he had not been able to answer Logan's call because he had been busy negotiating with a teacher about postponing a deadline for one of Logan's projects.

Needless to say that this laziness was not unusual for Logan.

Logan had left a comment about Dustin's delay on Dustin's answering machine.

The message was not only exceedingly brash and loud, it was also insulting.

I swore, if Zoey would have gone and hit Logan's with something hard, I would not have tried to stop her.

Zoey had never been happy about Dustin doing errants for Logan, as she knew that he was such a jerk with a very, very bad influence on younger boys, barring Lance Rivers the worst possible influence at this school.

Missy even wanted to blow up Logan's butt with another cherry bomb.

Fortunately, Freddie had got a better idea. "Logan will never admit to that, but, if we display the message on iCarly, he will have to be so sorry!"

Sam, who would have loved hitting Logan with a baseball bat, nodded.

Shelby bounded in. "Hi guys!" She sighed.

I wondered what had happened.

Shelby told me that Quinn and Lola were at each other's throat. "Quinn is allergic against nuts, so ..."

I chuckled. "Nuts like Logan Reese?"

Shelby grinned. "I guess so, but I mean peanuts, hazels, stuff like that, you know?"

I nodded.

Shelby told us that Quinn used to lick the chocolate of choco-crusted nuts, leaving the core in the bowl. "Lola found the nuts, and she ate them, not knowing where they had come from."

Spencer grunted. "And Lola vomited all over Stacey, on her way out."

Freddie counted the seconds. "5...4...3...2"

I opened the session. "And today, we are showing you a case of a particularly bad example of a highschool kid at this school."

Freddie replayed the tape.

I nodded. "And this was the voice of Logan Reese. The biy he had been insulting this way is still weeping in his dorm. We've got his elder sister with us, Zoey Brooks."

Freddie displayed pictures of Dustin on the green screen, where Gibby tried to comfort him.

Zoey stepped up to me, and she took the microphone. "What world do we live in, where high-school juniors get away with ccrying at little boys like this, just because their dad owns half of Hollywood?"

I nodded. "Yeah, what a world is this? So, if you want to tell Logan Reese your opinion, he lives in 146 Maxwell Hall."

Zoey applauded. "He's the white-skinned guy without bushy hair, and without brain, and with an arrogant grin instead of manners."

I agreed. "Thanks, Zoey, I think you go back to Dustin. He needs you now."

Zoey nodded. She waved, and walked out on us.

I sighed. "OK, next segment, _Say I'm Sorry_". Our friend Quinn, whom you remember for her fantastic inventions, is here, because she had unwittingly caused a lot of dismay one of her roomies. Please, Quinn!

Quinn walked over to us. "Hi. I'm allergic to nuts, that's why I lick the crust of choconuts, but leave the nutty core behind. Unfortunately, Lola did not know that when she saw a bowl with nuts in our dorm. Lola ate them, and ..."Quinn's posture expressed the disgust Lola must have felt. "Unfortunately, I did not stop her, because I knew that she was worried. Now I want to say how sorry I am." Quinn took a cup of juice. "Sam, would you please drink that, then spout it back into the cup, and give it to me?"

Sam shrugged. "OK!" She followed Quinn's instructions.

Quinn started placing the cup close to her own lips, and she was so close to swallowing the gross liquid.

Suddenly, Lola appeared on the green screen, along with Shelby, who had taken care of Lola watching us.

Lola screamed. "Quinn, don't do it, that was enough."

Quinn dropped the cup.

Lola sighed. "I know that you haven't done it on purpose, and as you're ready to take the same pain upon yourself, I forgive you."

Quinn walked up to the green screen, hugging Lola's picture.

Sam triggered the fake applause.

I smiled. "OK, this was nutty, really, and so will be our friend Michael Barret!"

Michael walked in. "Hi! Once upon a time, I have read that peanuts in lemonade cause an explosion. But is that true?"

Sam shrugged.

Michael grinned. "There are so many different sorts of nut, and so many different juices."

I filled various cups with various juices.

Michael smiled. "Peanuts, cashews, walnuts, hazelnuts, ..."

I smiled. "Apple, mango, kiwi, guava, grapefruit ..."

Michael tried many combinations, until, finally, one cup blew up.

"Wow!" I applauded.

Sam grinned. "And this proves one thing: Bristow juices make your nuts blow up!"

Freddie inserted the same thing as a virtual banderole.

MIchael smiled, waved, and walked out on us.

Freddie looked at the reactions. "Wow! Dustin's case has really stirred up the nation."

"Who would have thought that?" I grinned enigmatically.

There was even a reaction by the very Logan Reese himself.

Freddie displayed the video message. "That's Logan Reese!"

Logan was surrounded by upset pupils. Logan yelled. "Not even that hobknocker[[42]] of Mr. Bradford will dare to expel me, as my dad finances this school. So go away!" He grinned nefariously. "You are hobknockers, all of you!"

I scratched my chin. "What is a hobknocker?"

Sam whispered into my ears. "It's gross! And illegal! One of my uncles got arrested for it!"

I nodded. "Wow, Mr. Bradford won't be pleased!"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, baby!"

Freddie startled. "Oops! I've forgot to close the session!"

I shrugged. "OK, byebye!"

Chaunsee had seen the webcast in the lounge, and he had not hesitated informing Malcolm Reese.

Spencer had informed our grandpa, and the latter had informed Mr. Bradford.

The Lord of the PCA was, and nobody would have doubted that, upset beyond any limit.

Grandpa visited our school's board, and gave a speech in front of it.

The session of the board was broadcast by the PCA News channel.

Malcolm Reese was present, as well. "OK, after all, I have to come to the decision that this school is not the right place for my son Logan. But this won't prevent me from sponsoring the school, as many of my upcoming actors, playwrights, tech producers, moderators, co-moderators, costume designers, and other columns of the future of Reese Productions, are still studying here."

We applauded wholeheartedly.

Mr. Bradford shook Malcolm's hand. "OK, now let's go for a coffee!"

I sighed. Logan Reese was finally gone, and his place in 148 Maxwell Hall was filled with James Garrett.

As another consequence of our previous session, Kazu hired Dustin as a waiter.

Soon thereafter, Dustin had got enough money for the web cam for his mom.

I wanted the same, and a few other things.

Granted, the web show had sponsors, soon including even Malcolm Reese, but a lot of money went into the technical costs, and it was only fair that we paid our viewers for their not submissions, which were often the fruits of considerable investments.

Thus I joined Dustin in his job, which was really cool.

* * *

** Chapter 57. Horse Whisperer**

* * *

I've already talked a lot about animals at our school: cats and dogs, porcupines and rats, even an alpaca. But this was not yet the end of the road.

One day, I came back from classes.

It was a boring day.

Our new teacher for English, Ms. Briggs, well, I already knew her from Seattle, but she had not yet taught my classes, was such a boring meanie.

I had been so tired of her talk, I started day dreaming.

Even Dustin and Gibby had to yawn, and they were speller bees.

Sam congratulated. "Welcome in the club!" She smiled, and high-fived with me.

Freddie shook his head.

I continued. "It was that bad, I even saw a horse passing outside the class room."

Sam chuckled. "Wow! Not even I had ever dreamt anything like that."

I hugged Sam.

Freddie scratched his head. "A horse? Like this one?"

I wondered. "Which one?"

Freddie told us to spin around.

And there it was again: The same horse, sticking its head through our window!

This meant that the horse had been real.

Freddie counted. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I smiled. "You won't believe it, a horse is on our campus."

A whickering sound was heard.

Michael Barret slipped in.

I grinned. "Hi Michael! I've heard that the horse follows you everywhere?"

Michael nodded. "Oh, he does. Even under the showers ..." He whistled the tune of _Through The Desert On A Horse Without Name[[43]]_

Freddie inserted Michael's video clip.

I smiled. "You seem to love horses. Are you sort of a horse whisperer, such as Roberto Montez?[[44]]. "

Michael shook his head. "Not at all! When I was younger, I had even been hit by a horse in my face. It affected my smelling ability severely."

The horse bounded in, whickering insanely.

Sam tried to get rid of it with a piece of sugar, but for no avail.

The beast stuck to Michael like white glue to cotton swabs.

I wiped sweat off my forehead. "OK. Our new segment: _Think With Nevel!_" I was still scared to hell and back by that freak, but he was popular. "The prize for the last winner is this scooter, a Jet-X!"

Freddie inserted a pic of the vehicle.

Nevel bounded in, as soon as Michael had left with the horse. "OK, fans. Today's question: A cowboy comes to town on a Friday, he stays for exactly three days, and then he leaves again for his ranch, still on a Friday. How is that possible?"

I grinned. "That's easy. If you know it, too, send an SMS to the following number ... Freddie, the number!"

Freddie smiled. "OK, here it is ..." He inserted a banderole.

I smiled. "The prize will be one of Zoey's new, improved backpacks, complete with hay and sugar for your horse!"

The first viewers had only sent us nonsense, but, finally ...

"This answer is correct," boomed Nevel, "The name of the horse is: Friday."

I gasped. "Oops! Who would have thought anything different?"

Sam shrugged.

I sighed. "Thanks, Nevel!" I still couldn't like the scary freak, but many viewers did, although they were equally intimidated. "But hey! let's name that hitherto anonymous horse: Friday!" I thought of Daniel Defoe's _Robinson Crusoe_, who had named his native friend like that.

Nevel nodded. "Now I need to hurry up to the meeting of Firewire's fantasy rpg club."

Firewire and Nevel had become best friends, wonder why ...

Freddie and Sam agreed.

I grinned. "Next segment, _Rumours_. The headline of Wendy's column says: Dweeb del Figgalo is dating hottie Brooke Margolin. True or false rumour? What do you think? Send us an SMS!"

After the show, we received a message.

Freddie read it. "From: Faye Dunnaway"

I remembered vaguely. "Hey! It's the lady that owned the ranch where we have stationed Quinn's Alpaca!"

Freddie smiled. "Indeed! And it's a horse ranch. Faye writes that her niece recognised the horse. It's one of hers. Faye will come and fetch it in a few days!"

Mrs. Dunnaway and Dean Rivers met Michael near the fountain.

I was waiting there, too.

Faye grinned. "OK, thanks for finding my Winchester."

So, that was the stallion's real name.

Michael sobbed.

Mrs. Briggs came along. "Dean Rivers, keeping horses is illegal at this school!"

Dean Rivers shrugged. "But it just came to us. And now it goes back to Mrs. Dunnaway."

The horse lady nodded. "Oh, many greetings from your llama."

"Alpaca," corrected Freddie.

Mrs. Briggs did not stop requesting a punishment for us. Alas, she did not notice that Winchester stood right behind her, and that he was chewing at her panties.

Our punishment: We had to let Mrs. Briggs play _The Piper Of Dundee_ on her bagpipes in our web show.

Mrs. Briggs claimed to have had ancestors in the Scottish highlands. "Fine arts, instead of the usual dirt of the digital era."

What she did not know:

Freddie had taken pictures of Winchester gnawing at her panties.

Unbeknownst to Mrs. Briggs, Freddie displayed these pictures on the green screen, right in Mrs. Briggs's back.

The viewers keeled over from laughing, instead of getting bored to death by the bagpipes.

We even allowed her to play _When The Camerons Come_, right after her first song.

Instead of going down the drain, our ratings increased even more.

* * *

** Chapter 58. Uncle Carmine**

* * *

As we all know, Sam and Mel are from a rather dubious and criminal family, and the reason why they got sent - by the State of Washington - to the Pacific Coast Academy was to get them away from their mean-willed environment.

Most of their relatives were in prison or on parole, such as aunt Maggie, cousin Annie, cousin Greg, and on and on and on it went.

It was sort of a miracle that her most mean-looking relative, Uncle Carmine, was not just not in prison, but he was the head of a charity organisation.

Today, Carmine Puckett was a guest in our show.

Melanie was really excited. She loved charity events. Well, she and Vince had started doing when they were dating.

And, apparently, Carmine was here in order to announce one of those. "We are raising funds for homeless children. This year, the our annual charity walkathon will take place at this school!"

I wondered what a walkathon was.

Melanie explained. "OK, we pupils will make as many miles as we can, on foot, that is, of course. We may run in teams of two. And we may sponsor other pupils."

Carmine explained the sponsoring. "OK, if you sponsor another pupil, it means that you offer an amount of bucks of your choice, for each mile that your sponsored comrade completes in the walkathon."

I grinned. "If I bet 5 bucks on Dustin, and he makes 20 miles, I will owe you 100 bucks?"

Mr. Puckett nodded. "These are the rules."

I smiled. "Thanks, Mr. Carmine!"

Melanie and Sam hugged their uncle, before he walked out again.

I waved. "So, if you want to help homelss children, participate busily in Carmine Puckett's walkathon!"

Sam groaned. "Or offer a certain amount of ham per mile, in order to sponsor the _Feed-Your-local-Sam!_ campaign"

Immediately after the session, we received many offers for sponsoring, and many athlets ready to run.

Shelby stretched herself, and she practised at the walking machine. "I so feel that I will make thirty miles with Kenny!"

I smiled. "Cool! Have you got any sponsors? I guess I can't afford more than 50 cent per mile, as I've already put one buck into Dustin and Zoey." I sighed.

Shelby smiled. "Don't worry, there are other warm-hearted kids." She hugged me.

Melanie and Vince were up to going over 40 miles.

Freddie sighed. "My mother only allows me to participate, if she's my partner, and if we take the med case with us."

I concluded that Mrs. Benson was totally gaga.

The Bensons weren't going to get anywhere in the walkathon!

Quinn and Shane were going to test a new apparatus for measuring stuff in the human body - don't even dare to ask me what - in order to improve the capacity of walkathletes.

I declined nicely.

I was running with Sam.

Alas, she moaned all the time about being hungry.

Consequently, there weren't more than 5 miles in it.

Then I had to drag Sam to the next snack booth.

Dustin met me in the lounge.

I was proud of him, as he and Zoey had made twenty miles.

Shelby was still on the course.

We watched her on PCA Sports Channel, moderated by Jeremiah Dweebman. Yikes, his haircut was gross!

Melanie and Vincie had beaten the 40 miles record, but so did Shelby and Kenny.

I calculated my stakes ... 40 bucks were due!

That was quite some sum, it was going to force me to cut down on sushi and lipgloss for quite a few weeks.

I shield. But it was doable, and it was for a noble goal.

Along came Spencer. He had calculated his stakes, as well. "60 bucks, all in all. I guess some of the pupils have overdone bidding."

I nodded.

Spencer sighed. "Lola has been knitting a pullover for Stacey, and it doesn't fit her. Girls in Stacey's family are a bit better endowed around their chest, and the pullover is much too ..."

I didn't want to hear the details. Why did Lola have to start knitting, anyways? "Can't she enroll in knitting classes, like the other girls?"

Spencer shook his head. "The boys in the knitting class are bad kissers, such as Dork del Figgalo, so she refrains from that."

I choked with disgust. "Apparently!"

Lola bounded in. "OK, Dustin, there are your thirty bucks!"

Dustin grumbled. "We athletes don't collect the bucks, Mr. Puckett does! Also, it's thirty bucks per mile."

Spencer calculated fast. "Oh, that's six hundred dollars!"

Lola was overwhelmed. "Per mile?"

I remarked that Carmine had explained everything.

Lola sobbed. "Ohhh? I was knitting at that time, and ... anyways, I've already spent my change on cosmetics, and for the Golden Buzz subscription."

I grunted. "Drama queens ..."

Dustin was disappointed. "Sam's uncle won't appreciate that."

Spencer sighed. "I will take care of that!"

I accompanied Spencer, Lola, and Melanie into Carmine's office.

Carmine Puckett was upset. "Why, did you think, did I repeat it twice, and it is written on the sponsoring modules: Stakes are per mile!" He intimidated Lola mercilessly with his mean grin.

A fly annoyed him.

He took an empty bottle, and he threw it at the fly, making the glass shatter, and burst into smithereens.

Lola trembled piteously.

Melanie tried to beg her uncle for mercy.

Alas, Carmine was hard to calm down.

Finally, Spencer started talking. "Don't you know that it is illegal to take money from minors without their parental consent, and without giving anything in return? Did you have the written consent of Mr. and Mrs. Martinez? Or of any of the other parents, for that matter?"

I smiled. Spencer's three days in law school were great.

Carmine looked aghast. "Does that mean that the whole action was ..."

Spencer nodded. He opened a text book from law school. "Readit here!"

Carmine went pale.

Spencer sighed. "OK, I suggest that you give the sponsors something in turn, like a hand-knit pullover, with the logo of your organisation?"

Carmine coughed. "But, not even I can knit that many ..."

Spencer nodded. "My client is going to help, but you need to teach her knitting appropriately, and she does not have to pay more than the 30 bucks she had offered.."

Melanie grinned. "How do you know that my uncle is a great knitter?"

Spencer smiled. "Socko told me, he has learned knitting from Carmine."

Carmine banged his head against the wall. "Dan Sokolescu ... but, Ok, it's a deal!"

Lola grinned.

Zoey made the design for the logo.

Lola, Carmine, and Socko knitted some hundred pullovers in no time.

Finally, Stacey was able to wear a pullover that she liked, and that was the right size for her.

And Sam was still looking for a sponsor to donate ham for her ferociously bellowing stomach ...

Oh, I love charity events, don't you love them, too?

* * *

** Chapter 59. Mini Stove**

* * *

I loved cupcakes, fatcakes, and cream pies. I couldn't afford eating too many of them, because they were expensive, and they were likely to blow up my tummy, as I was not as gifted as Sam when it came down to staying slim.

Too bad, we did not have any stoves in our dorms. Otherwise, I would just have needed a good recipe.

Sam was equally addicted to fine cakes, but she also liked throwing balls.

When we walked across the campus, we saw Melanie and Vince playing football.

Melanie asked Sam to throw the ball over to Vince, while she was trying to bring him down.

I nodded.

Sam picked up the leathern egg, and she threw it, with all her might, into Vince's direction.

Melanie spurted over to Vince, alas, she reached him, even before he was able to catch the ball.

As a result, the ball kept on flying. It's trajectory got deflected, and the ball took a wrong turn.

Bang!

I went looking what had been hit by the ball. "Oh my goodness!" I saw Dean Rivers and Stacey Dillsen.

Some pieces of metal were lying in front of them, neatly scattered.

Dean Rivers told Stacey that it had been a mini-stove, a gift for his daughter.

Rather, it would have been a nice gift, but it was destroyed.

Dean Rivers stomped his feet. "My wife Tipper will tear my head off, if I come to our daughter's birthday without the gift."

"Sir," I greeted the dean, "I think that I know someone who could repair that."

Dean Rivers wiped the sweat from his face. "Really? My life depends on it."

I avoided talking about who had thrown the ball ...

I had brought the wrecked mini-stove to Shane and Freddie.

"Doesn't look good," remarked Shane.

I sighed. "If you can't do that, Dean Rivers's wife will send him to hell, and we all will suffer from his bad mood."

Sam tried her luck with the pile of screws and wires. "My stomach is in a bad mood, too." She belched rudely. "I want real fatcakes. Those in the cafeteria suck! They should fire the chef!"

I chuckled. "Hey, according to Socko, they have already fired the chef, like, two weeks ago. He had been steeling from the cash. Socko caught him, and denounced him unto Mr. Bradford. The chef was a friend of Seamas Finnegan."

Sam growled: "And who is cooking the food?"

I grinned. "All of those who still are there, but they are always in such a hurry."

Sam almost gagged. "Maybe that's why everything is either half-frozen, or half-incinerated."

We all agreed that we needed a new chef.

I accompanied Freddie to Dean Rivers's office.

The headmaster was grumpy. "Tipper is so going to kill me. I mean, I'm definitely going for a divorce, so that I may marry Mrs. Briggs, but Tipper's sharks will make me lose everything if she is upset like a fury. And that she will be, unless I show up with the mini-stove."

Freddie grumbled, and unwrapped a parcel. "OK, it took us 50 hours of work, and 300 bucks for materials."

Only much later were we going to know that the new stove had costed slightly less than that.

Mr. Rivers grunted. "OK, now let me make fatcakes ... I've got to hurry up, because the first canditates for the open position as a new chef for the cafeteria are going to show up in an hour, or two." He moaned with agony.

Freddie sighed. "OK, Sir, but we had to make a few changes. The green button is now doing the same things that used to be done by the red button, although, according to the official website of the vendor, the yellow button would have been responsible for those tasks ..." Alas, Freddie had oviously been talking above the head of the headmaster.

Dean Rivers had been impatient, and he started pushing the wrong buttons.

Freddie couldn't help but trigger the emergency switch.

Dean Rivers grumbled. "Damn mini-stove!"

Freddie sighed. "Sir, the stove won't start again, until it has cooled down to room temperature. That's security."

The dean stomped his feet. "Beverly, I need cold water!"

Neither Freddie, nor I, had a clue why the boss needed cold water.

Only a few seconds later did the purpose become obvious.

Freddie yelled at the top of his lungs: "Sir! Don't try to cool the ministove with ..."

Too late!

A bubbling noise was heard, and some intense steam billowed forth from the stove.

Dean Rivers was now totally at the end with his nerves.

The first canditate showed up. "Hey! My name is Sonya[[45]] , I'm applying as a chef." She looked really nice.

Dean Rivers was totally consternated. "Er, what? Oh, yeah, the cafeteria."

Sonya sighed. "I've worked as a private cook for various people, in various places." She handed the headmaster a bunch of reference letters. "Alas, I've been recently fired from Vaccaro's."

Dean Rivers was too upset to go through them.

Sonya shrugged. "Blueberry muffins?" She showed him one of those cakes.

Dean Rivers shrugged. "Maybe!" He grabbed one, and he stuffed it down his throat. "Hmmmmm ... anyways, I think that Kazu is more qualified to judge your qualities as a cook. Shay, Benson, take her to Sushi Rox!"

I shrugged. "Kazu is nice," said I, "he owns a sushi bar here. Let's go?" I was as friendly as only possible in this situation.

Sonya nodded, and followed us.

Sam and Dustin had joined us on our way to Kazu.

Sonya had given us one blueberry muffin each.

Sam swooned. "Delicious!"

I smiled. If Sam was content with Sonya's cooking, everyone at the PCA would be.

Kazu wondered why we had been so early.

I explained the situation. "Kazu is also responsible for the common food storage for all the restaurants on campus."

"_Hai!_" Kazu bowed, and grinned.

Sonya and Kazu had been talking and laughing until midnight.

And the decision was clear: Sonya was the new chf of our cafeteria!

We also introduced a new segment into our show: _Cook With Sonya!_

And Dean Rivers?

I was not sure whether Tipper was going to feed him to the lions, or to aliens.

* * *

** Chapter 60. Vaccaro's**

* * *

While the campus of the Pacific Coast Academy was chock full with nice cafés and restaurants, we sometimes dreamt of dining in one or the other noble restaurants of Malibu and Santa Monica that were not far from the campus.

The two best known were Vaccaro's, and Pete's And Sam's[[46]].

For most of us people, this was, of course, beyond affordability.

We knew that Sonya had once worked at Vaccaro's.

She had not been the chef over there, but only one of many seasonal cooks.

The name of the chef was Richard Flame, also well-known for his appearances on cooking channel.

Flame was really arrogant and abrasive.

We did not have to be astonished when we heard that Sonya had been fired because she had troubles with Mr. Flame, arguing over this and that, especially about dips for pasta and rice dishes.

Another conflict centred around the question blueberry muffins vs. chocolate soufflés.

According to Ricky Flame, muffins were below the dignity of a restaurant like Vaccaro's.

We so wanted to teach that arrogant snob a lesson. But we could not afford a dinner over their. We scratched our bucks together, so we could afford a dinner for at least two of our friends, and we would stay in contact with them over microchip and GPS.

After some discussions, Quinn and Shane had been chosen.

We sent them into Vaccaro's with some more than 200 bucks at their disposal.

Freddie had wired the plasma screen in our lounge, so we could watch them from there.

Quinn and Shane were guided to the only free table.

Sonya watched with us. "This guy is Maître D' Maurice, a really obnoxious guy. He goes into the womens' toilets because there are no skittles in the men's."

I coughed. "That's gross!"

Sam added: "And illegal! He's such a pig!"

Zoey wondered why Coco was not there.

Sonya explained that Coco had already been fired, because she had puked cheap ravioli at the customers.

Shane was not at ease in a tuxedo, but it had to be.

Sonya shrugged. "Dress code!"

Apparently, one waiter was not appropriately dressed.

"That's T-Bo, ignore him," explained Sonya, "he's the nephiew of the boss."

Said T-Bo gave Shane and Quinn the menu.

Quinn shook her head. "It's full of spelling mistakes."

Shane decided to take the asparagus and cheese. "And blueberry muffins for desert."

Quinn talked about the particular properties of asparagus. She would have spoilt anyone's but Shane's appetite with her nerdy talk. "Oh, and I want my potatoes with baba ghenoush!"

Dustin remarked that Logan had recently eaten lambchops and lobster in Vaccaro's.

I chuckled. "200 bucks are not enough for that ..."

T-Bo came back from the kitchen. "The chef refuses to make blueberry muffins."

Quinn and Shane grunted. "Friends of ours have been here a few weaks ago, and they had the best blueberry muffins ever! "

T-Bo shrugged. "We don't serve them any longer. And Bob Ganouche? Isn't that an NHL player? NFL? I recommend our pickle sticks."

Quinn shook her head. "We've come here, upon a recommendation that said that Vaccaro's serves the best blueberry muffins in Santa Monica and Malibu."

Shane sighed. "Bring us chocolate soufflés instead, but if they are collapsed ..."

A guy sitting a few tables away from Quinn and Shane took notes.

Quinn and Shane finally got their meals.

Quinn complained about the table water. "This is too warm, like 0.5 degrees too much!"

T-Bo brought them totally collapsed desserts.

Shane was grumpy.

Along came Maître D' Maurice. "Get away! You're expelled and banned from this house. Same goes for everyone from your school." He grabbed Shane's and Quinn's collar.

Quinn and Shane protested.

The strange guy, who had taken notes, stood up. "OK, is that the usual way to treat guests in here?"

The maître d' was upset. "Get out of here, too!"

The strange removed a mask that he had been wearing.

Sam beamed. "Pierre Le Mange!"

Dustin smiled. "Is this the true one?"

Sam nodded. "At least it's not the same charlatan as last time."

Ricky Flame spurted from the kitchen into the guest room. "Pierre?"

Le Mange nodded. "I've been assigned by the _National Gastronomy Guide_ to evaluate the restaurants in the LA area. So, you've been so far featured as a five-star restaurant. But my experiences here suggest me to revise this qualification sternly."

Ricky Flame and Maître D' Maurice went totally pale in their face.

Le Mange walked out on the crowd, followed by Quinn and Shane. "Don't miss out on the next edition of the _National Gastronomy Guide_!"

Quinn and Shane shrugged.

Spencer giggled.

I looked up to him. "Spencer? Did you ..."

Spencer nodded. "After the police arrested the fake Le Mange, the true Le Mange had watched iCarly, and heard that Sam had saved his honour. And then he told me and Stacey, winners of the barbecue fest, that he owed us a favour."

Sam beamed proudly.

I giggled. "Aw Spencer!" I jumped into his arms.

Freddie, Sam, and Dustin hugged him and Stacey.

We looked into the next edition of the guide.

Dustin grinned. "Vaccaro's dropped from 5 to 2 stars!"

I high-fived with Dustin.

Sam grinned. "Hey! Sushi Rox is mentioned, four stars! And our cafeteria gets four stars as well."

I had a hard time believing it.

According to Pierre Le Mange, Kazu's tempura rolls and Sonya's blueberry muffins were the highlights of his tour across the restaurants of the LA area.

And Sushi Rox had got the most friendly waiters in all of Malibu and Santa Monica.

I choked. "Waiters? Wow, that would have been Dustin and myself!"

While even guests of hotels like Chambrolay's started visiting our on-campus cafés and restaurants, Vaccaro's was soon going to be forced to close down. R.I.P!

* * *

** Chapter 61. Milk And Sugar**

* * *

I never liked that Calvin jerk, but, unfortunately, he was still the only one to sell coffee and cocoa outside the vendor machines, and the cafeteria.

The prices were OK, especially during the happy hours.

Consequentially, the throng to the coffee cart was excessively strong at some times, even leading to stampedes among the students.

Dean Rivers had always been against kids drinking too much coffee, but he didn't do anything about the cart, until one certain day.

Dean Rivers and his wife Tipper crossed the campus, right during one of those stampedes.

Being in the midst of their divorce, Dean Rivers couldn't allow himself to give Tipper's sharks any more reason to gnaw him limb from limb.

It had been bad enough that he appeared at their daughter's birthday without the agreed gift.

But now, the worst scenario occurred:

The stampede had somewhat hit the cart in a manner that it had started rolling, and not just rolling anywhere, but approaching Tipper Rivers.

The dean's dragon-like wife was about sending an SMS, when she was struck by the cart.

Dean Rivers was dismayed, not because he cared about Tippers, but because he knew that she was going to tell her sharks to gnaw him into smithereens. Hence he took his megaphone. He announced that coffee was thitherfrom illegal on the campus.

The prohibition was valid for pupils, for teachers, for everyone, including himself.

Freddie didn't understand the logics. "It wasn't the fault of the coffee, but of the cart. Coffee in the vendor machines, and in the stationary booths is no danger."

Marissa Benson did not allow her son to drink coffee, anyways, as it was bad for pubescent boys.

I sighed. "No more blueberry muffins outside the opening time of the cafeteria ..."

Dustin missed his cocoa.

Sam missed her root beer.

Spencer missed everything. But, fortunately, he had got an idea. "Socko's new aunt-in-law owns a coffee shop in Seattle. All we need is ..."

I smiled. "Spencer, you're a genius in ducky boxers."

Spencer grinned.

An abandoned janitor's storage in the basement of Maxwell Hall appeared appropriate for our purpose.

Unfortunately, we had to refrain from advertising our new underground coffee bar on iCarly, but we started carefully controlled rumours.

The pupils flocked into Spencer's and Socko's little coffee bar.

Spencer smiled while he sold the goods, including Sonya's blueberry muffins, and Bristow's guava juice.

Suddenly, his cellular phone rang.

Spencer picked it up. "Spencr Shay ... oh, Socko ... what? OK, we have to hurry!"

I was excited. "What's up?"

Spencer sighed. "Security guards are bound for Maxwell Hall, Socko is convinced that someone must have betrayed us. Whatever ... hide everything!"

I sighed. "I know, that's no fun, so, do what Spencer says!" I helped Freddie, Sam, Dustin, and all the other kids hiding the proofs.

Spencer took his banjo. "And now, altogether ..."

* * *

...  
Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care,  
Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care,  
Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care,

* * *

The door was flung open.

Three securrity guards stepped in, accompanied by ...

"Nevel!" boomed I, at the top of my lungs.

Nevel Papperman grinned. "Carly! We know that you are running an illegal coffee bar."

The security guards started looking around, scrutinising every angle.

Fortunately, we had hidden everything in empty containers that had once contained detergents.

Spencer moaned. "How do you dare to break into our soul- and gospel club? We are singing Mr. Bradford's favourite songs."

Nevel sniffed. "It must be there ... coffee! Costa Rica Highland, ..."

The guards moaned, but they actually found it: Coffee hidden in a box for abrasives. "You're so in trouble!"

I went pale. Damn' Nevel, and his fine nose!

The guards took notes.

Nevel shrugged. "There's still more coffee on the campus. Carly, you come with me!"

Dustin trembled, fearing for me.

I shrugged, and I had to follow Nevel and the guards.

Spencer followed as well.

We entered another building.

I wondered because it looked like the admin hall.

Nevel sniffed all the time. "The coffee comes from right there!"

The guards opened another door with their general key.

Nevel walked on. "There it is!" He opened a drawer, reveiling some busy coffee machine.

I wondered what office we were in.

The door went open.

In came Dean Rivers. He greeted the guards. He could not see that we had found a coffee machine.

The head of the guards grinned. "Good that you're here. Down to Mr. Papperman, we've located two illegal coffee bars. One run by Mr. Shay, and his sister ..."

Dean Rivers insisted in punishing us on site.

The guard continued: "... and the other one right here."

Dean Rivers went pale. "Er ... hmmm ... I ... have to go ... to ... a ... conference ..."

Beverly was in the next office. "But, Sir! Your next conference is Thursday at 11 a.m."

Now I saw clearly. "We are in the dean's office!"

Nevel nodded. "Oh oh, that sounds like dystopia."

Dean Rivers choked and coughed.

Nevel grunted. "The viewers of iCarly will be interested in a dean breaking his own rules, won't they?"

"Oh, they will ..."

Dean Rivers threatened to declare iCarly for illegal.

The security guard shrugged. "You may do that, but we have to file a report to Mr. Bradford about that."

Nevel grinned. "I've already done so ..."

As much as Mr. Bradford had been a pain in the tail, this time, he was on our side. "A dean breaking his own rules, that's scandalous."

Dean Rivers was suspended, not just for having broken his own verdict, but because he had turned more and more unreliable.

His divorce from Tipper was straining his nerves too much to be a reliable and responsible headmaster of a school as renowned as ours.

Mr. Bradford explained that Mr. Rivers was going to return into his office once he was over the divorce, but not earlier. "Upon Senior Judge Shay's recommendation, I've contacted Mr. Franklin from Ridgeway School, Seattle. He will sub for Mr. Rivers until then."

I cheered, as Principal Franklin was such a cool headmaster.

But what about the coffee cart?

Well, Calvin's cart remained banned, as it was objectively a danger for pupils, staff, and guests on the campus.

But Spencer's and Socko's coffee bar was officially approved, as it was stationary, and it did not pose a threat to public security.

Alas, Mr. Bradford insisted, in caffeine-free coffee for us children.

But I could live with that.

Spencer had given me caffeine-free coffee all the time, without me noticing.

The stuff didn't taste that bad.

And there was still a vide variety of herbal teas of the weak, teas for which Spencer and Stacey kept on making publicity in iCarly.

And the best of all: Blueberry muffins were now five cents cheaper than in Calvin's times!

Spencer strummed his banjo, making Stacey and Mr. Bradford sing along.

* * *

...  
Jimmy crack tea, and I don't care,  
Jimmy crack tea, and I don't care,  
Jimmy crack tea, and I don't care,  
old dean has gone away!

* * *

** Chapter 62. Fun With Gravitation**

* * *

I loved rollercoasters.

And so did Spencer. Hence he had taken me twice to Mystic Mountain, the location of two great roller coasters: The Demonator[[47]], and the Spine Twister.

My first ride had been a bit scary. I remember that I had to snuggle so close to Spencer, that he felt being bruised and squished.

I knew that Freddie's mother would never have allowed her son to take a ride on such a rollercoaster.

Alas, there were also some older pupils that were still afraid of those ferocious beasts.

I was in my room, reading the textbook for geography. "The population of Florida is ..."

Shelby stumbled in, back from martial training. "Hi! Do you already know that Mr. Beringer takes his physics class on a field trip to Mystic Mountain, so they learn about gravitation?"

I shook my head. "The rollercoaster? I love them."

Shelby nodded. "Up and down, that's so exciting!" She snuck up to me, whispering: "Don't tell anyone, but Michael Barret is afraid of roller coasters!"

I gasped.

Shelby remaked that Sam should not hear about it. "She would make fun of him, in front of all the pupils."

I doubted that Sam was still ready to do that, but, anyways, I nodded solemnly.

Shelby giggled. "That's not all. Lola is evaluating geese as pets!"

I choked on my half-eaten blueberry muffin. "A goose as a pet? Oh, right, there was something in the latest _Buzz_."

Shelby sighed. "If _Buzz_wrote that breathing was uncool, most teenage girls would choke to death."

I nodded solemnly.

I remember how I had helped Dustin to overcome his fears of pets, and I talked to Chase about his fears of raccoons, and Michael's fear of rollercoaster. I had come to the conclusion that only the greatest expert on gravitation I knew might help any further. "Oh Shane! I need your support ..."

Shane grinned. "Hi, carly, What's up?"

I talked about the upcoming field trip.

Shane had heard about it from Quinn. "Gravitation can be dangerous, think about dropping throuh an elevator shaft, but it may also be fun. Once Michael understands more about gravitation, he will have moe fun, and less fear of the rollercoaster."

I shrugged. "OK, but the field trip serves them for learning about roller coasters."

Shane nodded. "True, there must be another way to teach Michael about gravitation ... But, hey, he plays with clacker ball, and his fiancé Taryn jumps the pogo stick."

I didn't yet understand.

Shane took a pencil, and he started explaining. "OK, the clacker balls demonstrate the law of the pendulum, which, in turn, is based on gravitation and geometry, plus the laws of collision, especially the conservation of momentum. The pogo stick demonstrates gravitation, and the laws of the spring, aka Hooke's law." he filled sheets of papers with formulae and calculations. "have you understood that?"

My brain smoked.

"Not really," answered I. "That was a bit ... theoretical?"

Shane nodded. "OK, but if you give me one webcast's worth of time for demonstrating the whole thing?"

I shrugged. "OK, I think you will be a very cool science teacher."

Shane shrugged. "I hope so!"

Frereddie counted the seconds. "Online in 5...4...3...2"

I grinned. "I would never have thought that we were going to talk about physics in my show."

Sam told the vieweres that I thought that physics was lame.

I grinned. "Fortunately, there are a few people who are gifted with explaining physics in a way that is both fun and informative. Today, we have a guest who is one of them. Applause for Shaaaaaaaane!"

Shene smiled when he entered our room. "Hey guys and girls!"

I nodded. "Hi Shane. Today's topic is _Fun With Gravitation!_"

Sam triggered the fake applause.

Freddie inserted a virtual banderole.

Shane grabbed my microphone. "Gravitation is an issue in many daily situations. You may drop down a hole, or so. That's not fun."

"No, it isn't," affirmed Sam.

Shane grinned. "It wouldn't be fun if an apple dropped on your head, making you pass out."

Freddie inserted a video clip, where Stacey was hit by some apple from above, making her stagger, and stumble.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, but an apple falling right into my mouth would be a lot of fun!" She rubbed her tummy.

Shane shrugged. "Probably, but we've got two living masters that will demonstrate you how much fun you can have with gravitation. Expert number one: Michael Barret, and his clacker balls!"

Michael walked in. "Hey, guys, but I don't know anything about gravitation."

Shane grinned. "Oh, really? But you love those clackers."

Michael nodded.

Shane chuckled. "Your clackers rest solely on the laws of geometry and physics: potential energy, kinetic energy, conservation of momentum ..."

Michael scratched his head. "Oh, why are you so complicated, my clack-clacks?" He kissed his clackers. "And it looks so easy ..."

Shane smiled. "This is one simple example how laws of physics may result in a lot of fun." He explained how clack-clack balls would be affected by changing the weight of the balls, or the length of the string. He demonstrated it with a few experiments that he had prepared on video clips.

Michael beamed. "Aw, that's cool! Isn't it?"

Shane nodded. "It is! Next example ... the pogo stick."

I called Taryn into the room.

Taryn rode her stick right elegantly.

Shane started talking. "OK, a pogo stick contains a spring. Your weight contracts the spring, and then it is released. We have two forms of potential energy involved: Gravitation and elasticity."

Michael kissed his girlfriend on her nose tip. "Hi! Do you know that you are using the laws of geometry and physics?"

Taryn shrugged. "No clue ..."

Shane grinned. "But, indeed, you do!" He explained the kinetics of a pogo stick in detail, using several clips of experiments.

Michael beamed. "Thanks, Shane, I would never have thought that ... and everything is down to gravitation ... and a few other laws of physics."

Taryn and Michael hugged Shane.

I met Chase in the campus park.

He sighed. "You won't guess it. Mr. Beringer, our teacher for physics, wanted to cancel the field trip to Mystic Mountain, because, after your webcast, everyone had understood gravitation better than he was ever going to be able to explain."

I sighed. "Sorry! I didn't want to spoil your fun."

Chase chuckled. "You didn't. Michael jumped up, and he threatened to call his grandma upon him, you know, the one with those strong arms, and ... just in case the trip was going to be cancelled."

I grinned. "Oh, that one ..."

Chase nodded. "Alas, after this term, Mr. Beringer is going to give up on teaching physics. Whatever, Michael wants you to show his first real ride in a rollercoaster in your next webcast. Does Freddie still have that button hole cam?"

I nodded. "Sure!"

Chase sighed. "Do you think that a rollercoaster is a cool place for exchanging promise rings? It should be a surprise for Zoey ..."

I smiled. "Maybe? Want me to help you looking for suitable rings?"

Lola had given up on a goose as a pet, the very moment she saw Stacey with one. Lola thought of Stacey as the epitome of uncool.

Spencer was keen on Stacey's pet, and he thought that he should aim for something bigger, such as a pet ostrich.

I really needed to squirt his face.

* * *

** Chapter 63. Prom Stress**

* * *

The oprom for Zoey and her friends was just around the corner.

According to Shelby, Lola had been offered the chair position of the prom committee. But she was still a bit unsure, because she really wanted to go there with David R. Culetta. She had never been able to scratch the upcoming American superstar out of her head.

I saw Chase.

He did not wear the promise ring I had chosen for him and Zoey.

I sobbed. Had he fallen back into his attitude from freshman year?

Chase smiled. "Hey, we did exchange promise rings. We just won't wear them in the public before the prom ball. Go and ask Zoey for confirmation!"

I beamed. "Cool! What a sweet surprise for your friends, for Michael, and Lola, and Quinn, ..."

Chase nodded. "Zoey has something to tell you, anyways."

I was excited when I walked into Zoey's room.

Dustin's elder sister smiled. "Hi! Thanks for the rings ... but how did you know mysize?"

I whistled innocently. "Some treacherous tweeding bird from your familly twittered something. And Socko and Spencer have made the rings, from some random trash."

Zoey stomped her feet. "Aw Dustin, I so knew it ..."

I chuckled.

Zoey sighed. "OK, something that has to do with Dustin ... you know, I've already jobbed as a life guard. And this summer break, I will do so in Maui, my dad knows the manager of Chambrolay's ..."

I shrugged. "Good for you!"

Zoey nodded. "Well, I may take someone with me, and, of course, this will be Chase."

I beamed. "Sounds like a perfect honeymoon trip."

Zoey giggled. "Also, dad wants Dustin to come with us, but it wouldn't be fair if he had to go there alone ..."

I choked. "Do you mean ... I should." I was surprised.

Zoey nodded. "Dustin was a bit too timid to ask, so ..."

I smiled, swooning. "Timid boys are so incredibly sweet. Oh, a friend of my dad, a certain Colonel Roger Morgan[[48]] , is now stationed in Pearl Harbour. I'd like to visit him."

Zoey high-fived with me. "OK, Dustin might want to join you on your trip to Pearl Harbour." She smiled enigmatically.

I remarked that I still had toask my grandfather for permission.

Zoey nodded. "Sure, do so!"

I smiled.

Zoey noticed something. "Hmmm ... I see that you would like to act as a little mouse and watch us at our prom ball, wouldn't you?"

I stammered. "Er ... why not? You would sure look great."

Zoey chuckled. "OK, you know, the ball lasts for a few hours, and we will get a bit hungry and thirsty."

I grinned. "Not as much as Sam would."

Zoey nodded. "It's properly Lola's task to organise that, but she's a bit absent-minded these days, you know, David and stuff."

I nodded.

Zoey giggled. "Well, I better take care of that, and Kazu and Sonya will need two kids to take care of the buffet. And you know whom I think to do that ..."

I beamed. "Dustin and me?" On top of being with Dustin, that would enable me to wear a button hole cam, and make a report from the prom for our successive webcast.

Zoey nodded solemnly, and grinned.

Lola walked in. "Hi Zoey!"

Zoey greeted her room-mate back. "I've solved the problem with the buffet for you."

Lola beamed. "OK, then you may do all the other 99 tasks on this list, as well. Oh, Carly, I need your help. Could you please try to talk to David in the next webcast? I'm too excired to do that on my own."

I nodded. "Of course!"

After our intervention, David R. Culetta was ready to accompany Lola tto the prom ball, being fashionalbly late, as she requested.

Of course, Zoey went to the prom ball with chase, Michael went with Taryn, Quinn went with Shane, and Lisa went with Harper.

But a certain someone's prom partner gave me the creeps.

Spener walked in. "I'm going to the prom, baby! Zoey needs to make me a tuxedo suit with a fanciful tie."

I choked. "Zoey can do that, of course. Alas, you're over twenty-five years old. Your prom was seven or eight years ago!"

Spencer shrugged. "I've been invited."

I wondered. "By whom?"

Spencer grinned. "By Stacey Dillsen!"

I was consternated. "Spencer! You're going to be the laughingstock of the whole school if you do so!"

Spencer sighed. "But she hasn't got any other friend."

I moaned. "OK, if you have to play the warmhearted Samaritan, really, I tell you, once Stacey is eighteen and graduated from here, you can do with each other whatever you want. But for the time being, it's gross, and illegal."

Spencer started weeping.

I sighed. "OK, you may accompany Stacey there, but no further, Spencer, no further!"

Spencer sobbed. "OK, baby!"

I wiped the sweat from my forehead. "And I will control you during the ball, I'm a buffet maid!"

Spencer trembled.

I giggled. "And you need to allow me to accompany Dustin to Hawaii!"

Spencer gave in.

The prom could now begin.

* * *

** Chapter 64. Mystery Ride**

* * *

I stood at the buffet tables, wearing a Sushi Rox uniform. "Over 15 different tips ..." I heard how Sam's mouth turned watery.

Freddie and Sam were watching us via micro cam.

Dustin taunted Sam by sniffling playfully at the food.

I giggled when I saw the prom couples marching in.

David had actually arrived, but Lola didn't want to show up in time.

Jeremiah Trottman, accompanied by his prom date Wendy, wanted to moderate the ball, but Wendy wanted to dance with him.

Dean Franklin gave his first speech at this school. He had to introduce himself, as almost none of the pupils had yet come to know him. He did his task just fine.

His niece Karen was here, too, as James Garrett's prom date.

Chase and Zoey were very charming in their outfit, handmade by Zoey.

I was looking forward to their exchange of rings.

Quinn and Shane were not exactly dressed as robots, as I had assumed, but they were clearly discernable as freaks, but as cool freaks, not like Firewire and his prom date ... Melinda Crenshaw!

Melinda made me gag when she glared at Dustin and me.

Finally, Lola and David dared to arrive.

David R. Culetta was friends with Drake Parker, the chief of the band that played at the prom. He told them to start the music. _Only Time[[49]]_!

Lisa and Harper sang along. They wanted to try out for Drake's band, anyways.

Spencer and Stacey danced side by side in a twist-like fashion.

Glaring at my brother made him really nervous.

Stacey's gown was made of cotton swabs, white wax, and white yarn only.

Vince Blake swept Melanie across the dancing floor.

Melanie had it so easy. She did not need to hide her relationship with Vince for the boy's mother, as opposed to Sam.

I still wondered when Freddie and Sam were going to tell his mother, probably not until they were eighteen, and happily married.

Talking about marriage, Chase and Zoey looked so cute together, too bad it was just a prom dance, not their wedding dance. They should have finally donned their promise rings.

Alas, Firewire and Melinda poisoned the atmosphere.

I needed to do something. "Freddie, tell Missy to show up with a little bomb, and cause a minor explosion in front of the prom hall! ... Just do what I say."

Dustin grinned.

A few minutes later ... "Bang!"

Firewire grabbed his prom bride. "The world is doomed! Nevel Papperman prophesised that dystopia is preceded by a series of tiny explosions.".

Melinda coughed. "The end is nigh! But where to go?"

Firewire bellowed: "To Redstone Gulch, in the barren wastelands, not far from here! It's the safest place to hide!"

Melinda followed Firewire. "Let's get our belongings together, leaving nothing behind."

I sighed with relief. Then I signalled unto Zoey that I thought that time was right.

Dustin beamed.

Zoey nodded. "OK, everyone listen! And watch. Chase and I, we have to show you something."

Chase gurgled. "Oh, yeah, we ... what did we want to say?"

Fortunately, Zoey had not forgotten everything. "Chase and I, we are going to marry once we are out of school, and as a sign for the promise ..." She held aloft her promise ring.

Chase coughed. "Oh, yeah, Zoey, for always and ever!"

Lola and Quinn cheered.

Drake started playing "Makes Me Happy[[50]]. "

Stacey took a few swabs, hurling them cheerfully aloft.

Spencer cheered at the top of his lungs, as if he had been the most surprised, although he had made the rings.

Freddie and Sam almost deafened me with their insensate scream.

But wasn't there somebody missing?

Like, Chase's best friend, Michael Barret?

In this moment, Taryn dragged Michael into the ball room. "Boys ... Michael tells me that he has just learnt how to ride a stick-controlled car, from a Japanese grandpa named Mr. Takato who happens to be a teacher for middle school classes at this school."

Michael sighed. "I did!"

I giggled. "Really, there's no such teacher."

Dustin nodded solemnly. "But now go and see Chase, or he will tear your head off for mising out on some important news."

Michael grumbled grudgingly. "Go and look, if you refuse to believe me!"

We servide kids took shifts, and now it was someone else's time, so Dustin and I, we were supposed to go anyways. We waved at our elder siblings before leaving.

We walked out on the crowd. We saw Shelby and Kenny, who were about moving an old car away, using just their bare hands.

I recognised the car: Socko's uncle Otto had sold it recently for a few bucks to Michael.

Shelby giggled with glee. "It's done! Michael may have learned to ride a stick car, but he has not learned not to halt the car in front of Dean Franklin's. That really called for trouble."

We chuckled, and we moved on, after Shelby and kenny had confirmed that they did not know any Mr. Takato, either.

One hundred yards further, we found a man, riding a bony cow. He looked like Michael's mystery man.

Mr. Takato talked to us. "I don't exist!" Then he told us to mount his cow. He dissolved in a cloud of smoke, just as Malika used to do.

Dustin and I, we helped us mutually upon the bony beast, which, all of a sudden, transformed into a noble white steed.

We were flabbergasted when the steed started riding away with us, the goal hitherto unknown.

This is the story of my first four years at the Pacific Coast Academy, written for our children, that is for Dustin's and mine, and also for those of Freddie and Sam, and those of Spencer and Stacey, and those of Chase and Zoey.

** The End**

* * *

* * *

[[1] ]My name is Carly

* * *

[[2] ]Why, Carly, why? The elephant is big.

* * *

[[3] ]this chapter contains allusions to _Drake & Josh_, another show which I don't own

* * *

[[4] ]song by Drake Bell which I don't own

* * *

[[5] ]my extracanonical take on that person owes, once more, substantially to _Drake & Josh_

* * *

[[6] ]cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Lola Likes Chase_.

* * *

[[7] ]from _Zoey 101_ : _Rollercoaster_

* * *

[[8] ]cf. _iCarly Saves TV_

* * *

[[9] ]cf. _iCarly Saves TV_

* * *

[[10] ]cf. _iSpy A Mean Teacher_

* * *

[[11] ]cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Chase's Grandmother_

* * *

[[12] ]besides in _Zoey 101_ : _Elections_ also mentioned in _iCarly_ : _iStage An Intervention_.

* * *

[[13] ]the relation between Ted and Karen is not mentioned by Dan Schneider

* * *

[[14] ]cf. _iPilot_

* * *

[[15] ]cf. _iPilot_

* * *

[[16] ]cf. _iHeart Arts_

* * *

[[17] ]cf. _iSaw Him First_

* * *

[[18] ]cf. _iOwe You_

* * *

[[19] ]mentioned in _Zoey 101_ : _Web Cam_

* * *

[[20] ]cd. _Zoey 101_ : _Quinn Misses The Mark._

* * *

[[21] ]mentioned in _iHatch Chicks_

* * *

[[22] ]cf. _iMight Switch Schools_

* * *

[[23] ]mentioned in _Zoey 101_ : _Chasing Zoey_, her occupation as a cheerleader is inspired by a cameo Mandy in _Drake & Josh_ : _Football_

* * *

[[24] ]cf. _iCarly Saves TV_

* * *

[[25] ]song by Lisa Tucker which I don't own

* * *

[[26] ]cf. _iHatch Chicks_

* * *

[[27] ]spoof on _Macarena_, song by De Los Rios which I don't own

* * *

[[28] ]cf. _iChristmas_

* * *

[[29] ]identified with James Garrett. and with Jake Krendle

* * *

[[30] ]spoof off Randy Jackson

* * *

[[31] ]spoof off _So Random_, mentioned in the show _Sonny With A Chance_, which I don't own either

* * *

[[32] ]dissolve and lump together!

* * *

[[33] ]cf. _iWant More Viewers_

* * *

[[34] ]cf. _iStake Out_

* * *

[[35] ]here identified with Valerie from _iWill Date Freddie_

* * *

[[36] ]cf. _Drake & Josh_ : _Great Doheny_

* * *

[[37] ]song by Bob Marley which I don't own

* * *

[[38] ]classic short movie which I don't own

* * *

[[39] ]cf. _Drake & Josh_ : _Drake And Josh Go Hollywood_

* * *

[[40] ]cf. _iPromote Techfoots_

* * *

[[41] ]cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Quinn Misses The Mark_

* * *

[[42] ]cf. _iRock The Votes_

* * *

[[43] ]song by America which I don't own

* * *

[[44] ]spoof off Monty Roberts

* * *

[[45] ]cf. _iPromote Techfoots_

* * *

[[46] ]cf. _Zoey 101_ : _Chasing Zoey_

* * *

[[47] ]cd. _Drake & Josh_ : _Demonator_

* * *

[[48] ]cf/ _iRue The Day_

* * *

[[49] ]song by Drake Bell which I don't own

* * *

[[50] ]song by Drake Bell which I don't own


End file.
